Ill try to keep it short while still getting my point across.
Got married 8 years ago, both of us were 20 and under a love spell. We dated for 11 months before tying the knot. One of the reasons we got married was because I was offered a job that required me to move about 800 miles away, and neither of us wanted to separate, nor move together without being married.
Right off the bat she started losing her interest is sex, and fast. I've spent over 7 years thinking that was the problem, and trying to fix it with no improvement. We were intimate before marriage, and for some reason I was naive enough to think that being in a legal committed relationship would actually boost our passion.
So not long ago I had an epiphany: the lacking sexual relationship was a symptom, not the cause. The cause is a loss of respect from her towards me.
I lost her respect when her sex drive declined and I turned to porn thinking I could satisfy my needs through that. That turned into a battle between the two of us that has never ended, and an internal struggle with myself that I've only recently been able to overcome.
Part of my revelation was when I started noticing the attention I got from other women, and how I so desperately wanted that from my wife. Not sexual attention per se, just a genuine interest in my conversations and obvious admiration for the things I do.
In the past 8 years I've learned a lot about myself, and her. And I feel like we've grown apart, we have different opinions on things and different interests, partly developed I've no doubt, as a form coping. Though we have both mentioned or even suggest divorce a handful of times through out our marriage, I think we are both too afraid to leave what we know. Because otherwise, we do enjoy each others company, but the is no passion, and no romance, and I have tried enough to think that repairing our relationship is a dead end road.
We are living separately now because I am in school. She says she will move with me where ever I want to go afterwards, but when we lived far from her family before, it became overwhelming and she had an emotional breakdown and became homesick. After my school is complete in about a year, I will be planning on lots of moving, constant training, and time away from home. 3 years ago I found my purpose in life, and joined the Army reserves, and am now going full swing head first into what will be a very demanding career. She does not do well with long distances at all, and I feel like this isn't fair to her, since its something that I changed about myself after our marriage.
We have been through counseling, read books about relationships (I have at least) and researched underlying causes extensively (again only me), and nothing has helped. We get along better now than we have before, because I stopped pressing the issue. When I did press the issue her response was she wasn't comfortable talking about it, and thought that time would work things out. When I pressed harder, it usually ended in a big fight and I was told that she was trying to get over the damage I had done early in our relationship, but apparently not having any luck despite my best efforts to help.
I feel like this is enough to start with. I'm looking for some analysis from folks with experience. I'll gladly answer any questions as its tough to get 8 years summed up in a few paragraphs.
I fell guilty for wanting to leave, like I'm abandoning her. But on the flip side I'm afraid to as well. What if I leave seeking a happier relationship and never find it? If someone guaranteed me that I would find happiness elsewhere, my decision would be made.
Got married 8 years ago, both of us were 20 and under a love spell. We dated for 11 months before tying the knot. One of the reasons we got married was because I was offered a job that required me to move about 800 miles away, and neither of us wanted to separate, nor move together without being married.
Right off the bat she started losing her interest is sex, and fast. I've spent over 7 years thinking that was the problem, and trying to fix it with no improvement. We were intimate before marriage, and for some reason I was naive enough to think that being in a legal committed relationship would actually boost our passion.
So not long ago I had an epiphany: the lacking sexual relationship was a symptom, not the cause. The cause is a loss of respect from her towards me.
I lost her respect when her sex drive declined and I turned to porn thinking I could satisfy my needs through that. That turned into a battle between the two of us that has never ended, and an internal struggle with myself that I've only recently been able to overcome.
Part of my revelation was when I started noticing the attention I got from other women, and how I so desperately wanted that from my wife. Not sexual attention per se, just a genuine interest in my conversations and obvious admiration for the things I do.
In the past 8 years I've learned a lot about myself, and her. And I feel like we've grown apart, we have different opinions on things and different interests, partly developed I've no doubt, as a form coping. Though we have both mentioned or even suggest divorce a handful of times through out our marriage, I think we are both too afraid to leave what we know. Because otherwise, we do enjoy each others company, but the is no passion, and no romance, and I have tried enough to think that repairing our relationship is a dead end road.
We are living separately now because I am in school. She says she will move with me where ever I want to go afterwards, but when we lived far from her family before, it became overwhelming and she had an emotional breakdown and became homesick. After my school is complete in about a year, I will be planning on lots of moving, constant training, and time away from home. 3 years ago I found my purpose in life, and joined the Army reserves, and am now going full swing head first into what will be a very demanding career. She does not do well with long distances at all, and I feel like this isn't fair to her, since its something that I changed about myself after our marriage.
We have been through counseling, read books about relationships (I have at least) and researched underlying causes extensively (again only me), and nothing has helped. We get along better now than we have before, because I stopped pressing the issue. When I did press the issue her response was she wasn't comfortable talking about it, and thought that time would work things out. When I pressed harder, it usually ended in a big fight and I was told that she was trying to get over the damage I had done early in our relationship, but apparently not having any luck despite my best efforts to help.
I feel like this is enough to start with. I'm looking for some analysis from folks with experience. I'll gladly answer any questions as its tough to get 8 years summed up in a few paragraphs.
I fell guilty for wanting to leave, like I'm abandoning her. But on the flip side I'm afraid to as well. What if I leave seeking a happier relationship and never find it? If someone guaranteed me that I would find happiness elsewhere, my decision would be made.