I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-23-2010, 10:02 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
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I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband.

My husband has told me many times that while he loves me, he just "isn't in love with me." He has had many emotional affairs and we have been to marriage counseling for a year and a half. I have come to realize that I cannot make him be in love with me.

It is so hard to come to terms with this, because I love him and love my family. We have two daughters (5 and 7) and it just kills me to think they will come from a broken home. My kids actually dance around the house singing how much they love their family. My heart is breaking for them (and me)

We have been through a lot over the years, including having a child with cancer. She is healthy now thank God, but it took a toll on us. We both work hard and are good people, but it just isn't working. His EA have hurt me to the core and I hate feeling so unloved.

I guess I am fortunate that I don't fear being on my own and raising our daughters. I am fortunate to have a great job that allows me to be financially able to take care of myself and my kids, but I am just so sad that it has come to this. I am not afraid to be on my own, I just don't want my family to break up. I just love being a family.

I don't know why I still love my husband. He isn't even all that nice to me. He doesn't show me any affection and is really selfish with his time. It is all about him all the time. He even emotionally neglects our daughters. He is grumpy, depressed and moody. I sometimes even dread when he comes home from work, because I am unsure of what kind of mood he will be in. He also seems to care less about hurting me. I know my girls and I don't deserve this. So, why do I not want my marriage to break up? My head tells me it is time to let it go, but my heart is still willing to fight.

Has anyone else experienced these kind of feelings when coming to terms with separating?

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-24-2010, 12:18 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
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Re: I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband.

Do you have any family you can stay with near by? I think you should either write him a letter or tell him how unhappy you are and if things dont change you're done.

I wonder if the I love you but not in love is a way to control you or get you to try harder to please him. Of course if you try harder it will never be enough.

I think you need to decide what you want, if you want to see if he will change, he really needs to believe your done. If he loves you and really believes if he does'nt change your gone he will try to change. If he does'nt respond to this it is time to call it quits, why play house with someone who does'nt love you?

My wife did'nt give me this benefit and I wish she had, when she had enough she just left. A lot of men are stupid and need to have things spelled out.

I never had any affairs of any kind but I did take my wife for granite and her being a passive person she never told me how much that hurt her.

Give him fair warning and if he doesnt respond, it is time to get out!

So you have been going to counseling but I think he may be taking you for granite he really doesnt believe you will leave. Eventually your heart will give up and at that point you will start planning for you're own life and when that happens it past the point of repair.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-24-2010, 03:22 PM
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Re: I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband.

I think that feeling of being in love comes and goes. I know there have been times in my marriage (which is not the best example) I have felt like I was not in love with my husband and he has told me that before to. I think as long as you both are willing to work at it then you might be able to get that in love feeling back again.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-29-2010, 08:22 AM
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Re: I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband.


I am new to this site and am in a very similar situation. My husband of 8 yrs and I are at the breaking point in our marriage. He has openly said that he does not feel that connection with me anymore, yet I do. I have been going through the motions every day for about a year and am done. I physically and mentally cannot do it anymore. We also have 2 young kids and it kills me to think about splitting this family up. I also want to be a family, not a single Mother. It makes me sick to even think about it. All I can think about is how did we get here? To this awful place in our marriage? Not feeling wanted and loved is just killing me inside. Last night we had another long talk and it is pretty much up to him at this point. I have been honest about wanting to be with him and trying to work things out. I only hope that he feels the same in the end?
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-30-2010, 05:59 PM
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Re: I think it is time to separate, but I still love my husband.

I think you should let him go. It may be easy to say. but as how you described about your husband. He does not love you. He may care about you because you've been living your life together and have 2 kids. but he is not in love with you. Plus you have been seeing conselor for year and half. If you can save your marriage,you should at least see some progress. Have you seen any good signs of his coming back to you and your marriage? if not,then you are done.Leave before you need to see conselor for depressant. Sometimes people are just blind. they don't know how lucky they are and what a good life partner they have. They just take everything for granted. Some people just get tired and bored in a long term marriage life. If your husband is just tired and bored with your long term marriage, he may come back to you after a period of time separation. but if he is totally out of love with you ,nothing can change that except give him time and space to let him make his own decision. Even if you can save your marriage,but you won't be happy to spend the rest of your time with someone who is not in love with you.an unhealthy family is not good for kids.
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