3 year marriage - 2 year old child
I've posted in forums like these before and then started to ignore my marital problems again.
My wife and I were dating and moved in together. When we found out she was pregnant. We decided to get married.
Since we had our child we've been unhappy with each other. We've been through a lot financially but the past year or so now my wife gradually started going out at night and seeing old friends.
About 6 months ago she started hanging out with her "first". She swore up and down that she didn't like him / how gross he got etc.
Long story longer, he's in the army and she went to see him and his pals twice in TN (we live in FL) – again swore she wasn't attracted to him. Don't know why I let her go in the first place.
About 3 weeks ago she went to VA to see family and I noticed on our bank statements that she spent some money in Nashville airport - near his base.
I started to get suspicious last week so I started going through her stuff. In her keepsakes box she had old pictures of her and her ex kissing on the very top.
I found a notebook with pen impressions on paper and was able to discern most of her letter.
It basically says that she was with him at his base the day she flew home from "VA". She's willing to wait for this person, and she wanted to say she loved him before he left but choked up. Also said she wants to be in his life whether she's his "girlfriend" or not. The letter also asks him to get skype so they can still "see eachother"
She started asking me about webcams a few weeks ago and even added me to skype. [I use Skype to communicate with remote offices for work]
He is in Afghanistan right now.
As far as her behavior goes she spends money (we don't have) on tanning every month, going out, getting her hair colored, clothes, etc. I'm talking hundreds of dollars a month.
I get yelled at for wanting to pay $40 extra for an upgraded cable service.
I've got some real maturity concerns here too concerning our child.
My wife has had several jobs making between $8 and $9 /hr and when she gets frustrated she quits without having another one lined up. [not knocking the salary, but fact is she failed to care about college when her step-dad was paying for it]
We're both young but I have a career making over twice what she makes that I've been following for 5 years. I work 9-6 every day. I get up and take our child to daycare, go to work, pick her up, feed her, change her, play, put to bed. She works most nights but even if she's home 90% of the time I'm still taking care of our daughter. Poop makes my wife want to "get sick".
In my minds eye I feel like I'm a lot more responsible and willing to take on the cost and responsibility of our child than she is.
She is emotionally involved with someone thousands of miles away. She acts like everything is fine... perhaps OVER compensating. I haven't said anything to her yet for fear she might try to fight me having any custody for whatever reason, or absolve any evidence. I've taken photos of everything I've found (receipts, letters, notes, pictures etc) but I feel like I need more.
She's locked out her computer and changed our wireless account password.
It's really hard to pretend that I am clueless.
The hardest part I choke on is the fact that I will be alone in a house or apartment one day if I follow through.
I am not happy and don't think I ever will be with her. She drops a lot hints about splitting up and we've talked about it in the past. I've got my dad helping me out and even her mom has expressed concern about her not being involved enough.
I don't want to keep our daughter from her I just want her to primarily live with me because it would be most stable for her.
How long should I wait, where should I look for that little nudge? I'm tired of not being happy and tired of not wanting to go home to see her. Frankly I feel like I hardly even know her.
PS: I also got a fb message from someone anonymous 2 months ago saying she was cheating on me. I confronted her immediately and she acted clueless. I believed her because that's what I wanted to hear at the time.
Does it make sense that I leave? I'd like to keep it out of court but should I present all my evidence & case to a lawyer first? I want this to go fast because it's painful biting my tongue.
I feel like I still have doubts that she's cheating or she might say "it's over" or something. The evidence I found is only 3 weeks old but it feels like there is room for her to turn it around, since she's manipulative.
How do I keep myself from changing my mind?
Thanks, I know there are a lot of questions but my head is a mess right now. I'll probably have more shortly. Like how do I afford daycare if she's got to move to her own place?