Re: How to deal with the anger...
Nice Guy - I am in exactly the same situation right now. My H had an affair, claims he ended it, but he is still deep in affair fog and is playing the victim. We have separated, he is staying on a friend's floor or in another friend's basement. He sees the kids a couple times a week.
I am a wreck. I have committed to this marriage, but he hasn't. And each time I talk to him, it becomes more clear that he has changed into someone I do not know. He has made NO attempts at reconciliation. He thinks he can be a good dad on his own, which is unlikely, since I have done EVERYTHING for this man for 17 years.
My anger is starting to build. I hate what he has done to me and our family. I hate that he has disrespected me and lied to me more times than I can count. I hate the person he has become. It is easier for me to deal with when I don't see or talk to him for a couple of days. But every time I get a text or call, or he stops in to see the boys, I'm right back at square one. I feel like a loser because I can't yet bring myself to kick him to the curb. I'm not afraid to be alone - I have an incredible support system, which includes his family. I just want my marriage back. But each day that goes by, I see that he does not want me.
I've been working out a lot to help with the stress. It helps a little. But the nights are rough. I think I'm in the Depression stage of DABDA. But maybe that means that Acceptance is right around the corner and I can fully understand that he made these terrible choices and I am better off without him. He is "that" guy - the cheater, the liar. He is not the guy I married.
I have been in touch with an attorney, but even his advice was to wait awhile until the emotions settle. I know I can't rush into divorce, especially for the sake of my children, but I want this pain to end!
I feel for you, Nice Guy. We didn't deserve this. Best of luck to you.