How to deal with the anger... - Page 3
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-02-2010, 09:52 PM   #31 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Calif
Posts: 348
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

I totally think that is a great deal for her, her making a cut of 300 with the income she has now is waay to generous, maybe throw in some assets as comp? whatever if your ok with that offer think about it for a while, pay an attourney for his imput, the one thing it does is save you paying a laywer to rep you, you wont have to go to court except once. I really think if you can verify what you write you have waaaaay more cards than you see. OHHH and if your better loooking than Tom Cruise, man dude you may even get yourself a sugar mamma LOL
Brewster 59 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-02-2010, 10:27 PM   #32 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

I said $300 is what she would "need" - this is by no means what I would offer. We would ALL be required to make sacrifices.

And I don't quite get the 50/50 idea if 3 of the 4 people (1 parent / 2 kids) stay in one place.

And the Tom Cruise thing may have been a "slight" exaggeration...
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 01:30 AM   #33 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Calif
Posts: 348
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Hmmm I might of been trying to use a bit of levity on the Tom Cruise thing I was kidding as I thought you were.

I actually thought you were a miracle worker if you found a way to keep everyones boat a float with her only making a $300a month sacrifice.

The 50/50 community property law totally sucks but with having kids to take care of there are ways around them if you are the primary caregiver. First of all remember the primary caregiver is going to probably live in the family home until the children reach their majority.

Bottom line is divorce will effect every family member negatively except maybe the person who really wants it and thats a big maybe. Sorry if I upset you.
Brewster 59 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 10:32 AM   #34 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,660
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Okay, I am a little lost but I guess I get what you are saying with paying an attorney to save you $35.00/week.

Listen. . .I am just saying go to an attorney for advice and run what you said by him/her. . .you can't take our word for it. It's about $275-350/hour and it's money well spent.

If she is disabled and on SSI along with perhaps a supplemental employer based disability policy, she is still to send in some money towards child support.

And no, as cruel as it perhaps sounds, if you are divorcing, I am not sure it's your responsibility to support your disabled wife through alimony while you raise the kids.

I know what you are saying about doctors testifying she's disabled.

Let me guess - a bad back, right?

Yet she is able to use her back in bed to screw around right?

She's apparently able to go into bars and use her arms to lift a beer to her lips, I would think she could hobble into an office and punch keys on a computer and answer phones? No?

I mean, you can't enable this kind of stuff. Now, that being said, if she's willing to provide child care and you pay her for that at a fair child care rate in your area, I think you could entertain something like that.
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 11:48 AM   #35 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Scanner - agreed about the attorney. I can't assume that anything I read on the internet is 100% true and not book will give me clear answers to my specific circumstances.

Wife has fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 12:37 PM   #36 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,660
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Uh huh, as a DC, I know all about FM/CFS. It's a combination of a depressive disorder, sleep disorder and pain disorder with absolutely no objective test (blood work, MRI, etc) to back it up.

And our nation has a lot of people on SSI with FM/CFS because we have people who hurt and apparently can't work and we have to support them.

I don't want to belittle people with this genuine disorder. .. I have seen it where people get mowed down by this and they have no ulterior motive but I"m sorry - it's not like your wife got hit by a Big Mack truck and has a spinal cord injury or something like that.

She's tired, she's got achey joints, I get that. . .I'm sorry - then you take your meds, visit the chiropractor, whatever gives you pain and mobility management and you get a job. And I am sure any provider worth their salt would encourage her to work. Work is therapeutic. You enable and worsen any disease process when you sentence them to sit around on their duff.

It's not up to you to provide her with alimony.

YOUR ATTORNEY: "Her joints apparently don't ache her enough to make her way down to the local watering hole, your honor. Her energy level is apparently good enough to have sex with another man, your honor. All of the sudden she had energy for that - fatigue lifted, huh?. Her fatigue level I am sure isn't helped by the consumption of alcohol, is it your honor?"

I mean, you have money for alcohol (and maybe cigarettes since the two go hand in hand), then you have money for you kids and you don't need alimony.

I am already seeing a pattern with your stb-x and you need to tell an attorney so you have someone thinking straight for you.

OF course, this is family court - you can't really dispute her disability status but I think a family court judge isn't going to be too sympathetic to her parental circumstances and obligations and entitlements from the marriage that is dissolving.
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 12:41 PM   #37 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,660
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

I should have been a TV Judge

"You see this foot, Niceguy's wife? You see it? It's going in your tookus!"
Scannerguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2010, 02:09 PM   #38 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Scanner - what is DC?

I actually feel pretty good about most of this as long as we don't turn into the War of the Roses. And I totally agree that I need that consult - free or not.

I'm not trying to defend her disability - that's another thread for another board.

If I look at this as a business transaction, I see no logic in spending my money on an attorney to reduce her income. Do you agree?

Also - to repeat - I don't see that alcohol is a problem - its the GUYS at the bars - and on the internet - that I don't like. I have no proof that she has slept with anyone - I've seen enough to know its time to move on, but I couldn't convince a judge that she's out having sex with other men.

I DO have copies of some of her disability application papers stating that she can't care for the kids and the house without significant help from me and her mother. I actually see her being disabled as a major bargaining chip. She can take care of her apartment, and watch the kids a few hours each day after school, but she CAN'T - in her own written words - care for the kids and the house on a full time basis. We KNOW I can, because I've done it for the last 7 months.

Other things to consider - if she's forced to go back to work, we have to add in childcare expenses - she watches them while I work right now. I would have to start using vacation on days with no advanced warning to my employer when I have sick kids. Right now, she stays with them if they are sick.

As long as she isn't insane, she will do whatever she can to stay out of a courtroom and away from a judge. And I will remind her of that as often as I need to.

Last edited by nice777guy; 07-03-2010 at 02:25 PM.
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-04-2010, 06:14 PM   #39 (permalink)
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,823
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
Scanner - what is DC?
Doctor of Chiropractics. Scanner is a chiropractor, NiceGuy.

Quote:
I actually feel pretty good about most of this as long as we don't turn into the War of the Roses. And I totally agree that I need that consult - free or not.
NiceGuy just so you know, I consider lawyers much the same as I consider doctors. NO ONE on the planet knows you or your situation as thoroughly as you do. Thus they may be experts, and they will give you the best advise available if they have the relevant facts...but in the end YOU know you and every fact, and in the end, it's your decision and your life.

Thus, I suggest learning as much as you can about the divorce laws in your state--for informational purposes. I suggest that you actually plug in real numbers and look up any available calculators, for child support (CS) and alimony. Find out how your state figures out alimony--most states have some sort of formula. Knowledge is a shield here.

Next, I recommend that you be honest and fair. The object is to remember that YOU are the one thinking of the future for the children and what would be best for them--she is only thinking of getting everything she demands or *thinks* she's entitled to. So after you've put in some real numbers, you can make a fair offer--even if it's for "here are my intentions from this point forward in the separation until it becomes legal." This will set a precedent.

Next, you agree to as much as you and do it in writing. This is where a mediator might be of assistance, offering REALISTIC, neutral options. It's very typical for a woman in your wife's position who's been unfaithful to unrealistically expect to get "the house, the kids, the cars, alimony, CS and all the stuff in the house" and just slide the OM in. Then life gets real and she realizes the house may be sold, she get 1/2 time with the kids at most, she gets the car...and the debt with it, she doesn't qualify for alimony, and CS is not enough to live on...and she only gets 1/2 the stuff in the house. So see what I mean? Why pay an attorney $300/hr. to do these kinds of negotiations: "Who gets the $30 porcelain bird?" No, agree to that yourselves or with a mediator.

When you're getting somewhat closer -OR- when she is being utterly stubborn and will not budge from her entitlement demands, then you would engage YOUR attorney to either review what you've done so far with suggestions to tighten it up...or to speak to HER attorney to encourage his client to GET REAL!!

Quote:
If I look at this as a business transaction, I see no logic in spending my money on an attorney to reduce her income. Do you agree?
NiceGuy, the way you present it is SO confusing! So let's plug in some example numbers.

Let's imagine she makes $700.00/month on disability. And let's imagine you make $50,000.00/year ($11535/mo before taxes). She has on a paper that she can not take care of the kids or home on a full-time basis (so her chances of primary are fairly low). You also say she's completed her training as a nurse, but chooses to collect disability and not even do work PT, but she does watch the kids while you work.

The idea is for you two to live completely SEPARATE LIVES as if you were effectively strangers. She has to make her own way now. So she'd have to find a way to either live off of $700.00 or get a job, and you'd have to find someone to watch the kids and continue your job. She pays her own utilities, rent, bills, etc. Now if you two want to arrange it such that she is "paid" what any person would be paid to watch children after school (let's say $100/week) then that's your agreement. You could hire her as "after school sitter" and you'd pay her just like an employer. Okay so she has maybe $450.00/mo. as payment for the job of watching the kids--but you could also pay that to a nanny and it doesn't HAVE to go to her. Get it?

Other than that wage, you do not pay her for her rent, her utilities, her phone, her internet...nothing. That is now her business to decide how to pay that. And right this minute there is literally no court order in effect, and if you wanted to just utterly stop paying anything, there is nothing to prevent you from doing so. I'm not being mean--I'm just saying that my ex went to live with his mistress and said: "I'm not paying one dime until a court orders me to" and he didn't. I had to do it all on my own, and without the court order (like temporary legal separation or temp orders for a divorce) there was no way to "force" him to pay me to support the kids even!

So does that make sense? If you want to stop ALL PAYMENTS to her right now...there is nothing stopping you legally. The main thing stopping you would be your conscience and precedent. Setting a precedent means acting right now just as you'd like it to be in the divorce/separation agreement...and judges love to just continue things as they are! So tomorrow, just tell her, "Effective immediately, my paycheck is going to my bank account; I'm using it to pay for household bills and to provide for the children; and I'm offering you $100/week to watch the children after school. Otherwise I'm more than happy to find a nanny." The End. No need for an attorney to do that.

Quote:
I DO have copies of some of her disability application papers stating that she can't care for the kids and the house without significant help from me and her mother. I actually see her being disabled as a major bargaining chip. She can take care of her apartment, and watch the kids a few hours each day after school, but she CAN'T - in her own written words - care for the kids and the house on a full time basis. We KNOW I can, because I've done it for the last 7 months.

Other things to consider - if she's forced to go back to work, we have to add in childcare expenses - she watches them while I work right now. I would have to start using vacation on days with no advanced warning to my employer when I have sick kids. Right now, she stays with them if they are sick.
See above. LOL

Quote:
As long as she isn't insane, she will do whatever she can to stay out of a courtroom and away from a judge. And I will remind her of that as often as I need to.
Just a note here, NiceGuy--if you two are separating or divorcing (whatever you decide) then it is no longer your job to "remind her of that as often as needed." She is a fully-grown, adult woman and needs to experience the consequences of her choices. Up to now, she has given you guilt as a way to avoid those consequences but that also keeps her from learning the life-lessons she needs to learn. She can not "guilt" a judge, and thus she will learn rather quickly if she chooses to try to go to court.

Let her learn.
__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies
Affaircare is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-05-2010, 01:19 AM   #40 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

AC - thanks as always for the advice, but I still feel kind of at odds with everyone and not sure why.

[QUOTE=nice777guy;162728]If I look at this as a business transaction, I see no logic in spending my money on an attorney to reduce her income.[QUOTE]

AC - also why the "wink" and the "LOL" after the quote about disability papers. Not really ready to laugh or wink about the idea of adding childcare to "my" expenses. Just a bit confused here.

She's disabled. Some would say she should get back to work. Could debate that part of things all day.

But - once again - I can see paying an attorney a few hundred "here and there" to help protect me when she starts to push. But it almost seems like some people are saying to go after her disability - take her to court and make her go back to work.

Doing that - as i see it - might be right and fair and "just", but wouldn't help me ONE BIT. I'm not McDonald's, trying to bankrupt Burger King here. I see that as a "Win / Lose", which is not what I want, given that "Win / Win" is still a possibility here.

What am I missing here?

Thanks all. Hope you all had a happy 4th!

Last edited by nice777guy; 07-05-2010 at 01:37 AM.
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-05-2010, 02:07 AM   #41 (permalink)
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,823
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
AC - thanks as always for the advice, but I still feel kind of at odds with everyone and not sure why.

AC - also why the "wink" and the "LOL" after the quote about disability papers. Not really ready to laugh or wink about the idea of adding childcare to "my" expenses. Just a bit confused here.
Ah the wink and LOL were because I wrote an answer, and then a little later the question came up again so I said "See above" meaning "See my answer up above." And the LOL was because I found it humorous that I wrote an answer before you even asked the question. Sorry if that confused ya.

Quote:
She's disabled. Some would say she should get back to work. Could debate that part of things all day.

...But it almost seems like some people are saying to go after her disability - take her to court and make her go back to work.
No I don't think that's what people are saying, NiceGuy--at least that's not what I'm saying. As you know, my own Dear Hubby has CFS so I know it's not something where he could work a traditional FT job (9-5 or shift work). One of the benefits he gets from being my spouse and being faithful to me is that I do the major breadwinning and he's at home being Mr. Mom and he can run the household around his "good days and bad days". HOWEVER if he were to become unfaithful and decide he didn't need to honor his vows, then one of the "Stick" parts of Plan A/Carrot & Stick would be that it would become HIS job to figure out how he's going to take care of himself.

Thus, it would be a long, expensive and ultimately fruitless waste of time to argue "is she disabled or not?" SSI found her disabled enough to pay her disability so under any circumstance that is proof of at least SOME disability. And as your spouse, she has the benefit of you working with her on her "good days and bad days." Since she has chosen to continue her unfaithful ways, despite the fact that you've given her chance after chance to come clean and be transparent, then it becomes HER job to figure out how she's going to take care of herself...and that does include her finances.

Quote:
Doing that - as i see it - might be right and fair and "just", but wouldn't help me ONE BIT. I'm not McDonald's, trying to bankrupt Burger King here. I see that as a "Win / Lose", which is not what I want, given that "Win / Win" is still a possibility here.

What am I missing here?
Here's what I think you're missing. You don't want to cut her off financially and let her struggle with it on her own. If you cut her off that means she may actually leave. Thus, you are looking for reasons to not disentangle and prolong avoiding the "stick" part of Plan A/Carrot & Stick .... OR the complete cut off of contact in Plan B. Either one means that you take your hands OFF and completely remove yourself from her life as long as she continues in the ongoing unfaithful behavior, and I suspect you think if you let go, she will go away.

In real life what really happens is that she never learns her life-lessons and your marriage spins out of control like it has been these past several months.

Sooooo...if you want to do Plan A/Carrot & Stick, or Plan B, or legal separation, or divorce--that decision is up to you but no matter WHICH ONE you pick, they ALL require that you will have to let go and let her flounder, not as a punishment or a Win/Lose but as reality. Reality is that if she chooses to leave you and be dishonest, she looses the BENEFITS of you too.

I can't speak for others here but I can say that I don't know if you need to "file" yet but you do need to make some major changes that I suspect you are somewhat afraid to make. I was giving you some ideas and specifics and whatnot so you could see what is reasonable and realistic. What she has been demanding/expecting is WAY OFF BASE and not realistic in the least.
__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies
Affaircare is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-07-2010, 05:00 PM   #42 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Deejo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 6,796
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

I support anger. That is all.
Deejo is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-07-2010, 06:20 PM   #43 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Calif
Posts: 348
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

A/C has a lot great advice here first of all if your going without a laywer you should know all you can pertaining to the laws of your state.

I think I would ask a laywer before kicking a disabled person out with no support as that might backfire biiig time.

A/Cs advice to write out a purposed settlement is gold as well and in the most part will not be a waste of time if she refuses it because when you fill out the petetioners paperwork you will need to list all your assets and the value you asess to them anyways.

I dont think anyone is saying to go after her disability money and I dont think you could even if you wanted to unless you could prove fraud and thats not something you would want to do. I think what people are saying, if you are the primary childcare giver and have to shoulder the expenses of that she may have to go to work in some capacity to be able to afford to live.

A/Cs advice on setting precident is spot on, if you are going to offer support of any kind for her make sure its not more than you would be willing to continue long term as Judges do like to stay with precident. I actually see nothing wrong with making her face the consequences of her actions but you do what you feel is right.

So I dont quit know why you would be at odds with any advice given, sift through it keep any nuggets of wisdom, throw away the rest, only you know whats right for you although I do think ac has a ton of good stuff in the last post.

Last edited by Brewster 59; 07-07-2010 at 06:34 PM.
Brewster 59 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-07-2010, 08:43 PM   #44 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

Deejo - wish I felt the same about anger. Its really wearing me down.

Brewster (and A/C) - I don't know if "I'm at odds" was the right thing to say; felt like we were speaking different languages, not necessarily disagreeing; but A/C's post cleared a lot of things up;

I have been doing a lot of reading, and a lot of number crunching; of course it would be in our best interest to come to a compromise long before seeing an attorney or judge;

worst case for her - a judge who doesn't think fibro is real (many doctors still don't) who would tell her she abandoned her family and deserves nothing.

worst case for me - they use the "rule of thumb" and award her 1/3 of the difference between my annual gross and her annual gross; this would actually be very, very bad for me; This is possible given our 15 years together, the fact that she is disabled (at least by the Social Security Dept's definition), she was a stay at home mom for several years, I've set a precendent by supporting her in the apartment during separation AND she "kind of" followed me around for "my" career - we've moved three times in 15 years.

I have an idea of what I think would be a "fair" settlement. This is where an attorney would help me get my arms around which scenarios are most likely. I think most cases involve the breadwinner leaving the wife AND the kids, so the person leaves behind a lot of expenses and is on the hook for child support and alimony. If SHE does get alimony, she would have to pay some back in child support.

AC hit it on the head when she said that I don't want to let go and watch my wife crash and burn, no matter how she's made me feel. I don't know if its my own self esteem issues, lack of family/support, wondering if I can actually make it on my own and raise two girls, 15 years of marriage - probably all of the above.

Not to mention, I still love her even though I'm terribly hurt and angry.

Also - still the big question - have I really, really tried? I've chased my tail, and continued to be a good single dad, but I don't think I ever focused on doing things that would make her want to come back.

Thanks for listening. Take it easy on me with the advice for now. I'm "man enough" to admit when I'm feeling beat up and down. Going to therapy tomorrow night - maybe that will help as well.

Last edited by nice777guy; 07-07-2010 at 08:58 PM.
nice777guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-07-2010, 09:40 PM   #45 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 6,821
Default Re: How to deal with the anger...

NG,
I am trying to calibrate my response here to "you" as a person. You are kinder than I am and more patient. Overall I would say you have more love in you than I do.

In the real world the way that translates is - you are an incredible parent. Not such an incredible partner/spouse. You are financially enabling your wife's emotional addictions.

I am not going to summarize her bad behaviors. We both know what they are. She has treated you and the marriage with thinly disguised contempt. The refusal to explicitly admit her bad behavior combined with deactivating her accounts is a combo slap in the face/kick in the balls. And yet here you sit wondering what else you could have done. ??????????

You don't want to talk to a lawyer but confess that you have NO IDEA how much alimony she might get and the spread between your LOW number and HIGH number is very big. You also have not mentioned anything about alimony duration. I can assure you it is not for life.

Your W had a bad break and retreated into her childhood to flirt and seek true love. You seem unwilling/unable to insist she return to adulthood. You are not helping her and not helping the kids. I have met very few adults who lie around focused on their pain and are still "happy". I would be interested to know why if she can walk around and function like a mostly normal person she cannot get a white collar job.....

I know you are trying to keep things amicable - but you need to focus on keeping things "fair". This may end up being the difference between sending the kids to great colleges vs not so great. Down the road that money will matter. Do you think she is worried about their education?

I am NOT disputing her pain. Simply saying there are non-physical jobs where she could be productive and not experience more pain. Maybe less due to being focused on something else.

I wonder what the SSI board would rule if they knew about her bar hopping? Not talking about you jerking her around with the government, just suggesting that she may have presented a VERY distorted picture of her situation when she applied....




Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
Deejo - wish I felt the same about anger. Its really wearing me down.

Brewster (and A/C) - I don't know if "I'm at odds" was the right thing to say; felt like we were speaking different languages, not necessarily disagreeing; but A/C's post cleared a lot of things up;

I have been doing a lot of reading, and a lot of number crunching; of course it would be in our best interest to come to a compromise long before seeing an attorney or judge;

worst case for her - a judge who doesn't think fibro is real (many doctors still don't) who would tell her she abandoned her family and deserves nothing.

worst case for me - they use the "rule of thumb" and award her 1/3 of the difference between my annual gross and her annual gross; this would actually be very, very bad for me; This is possible given our 15 years together, the fact that she is disabled (at least by the Social Security Dept's definition), she was a stay at home mom for several years, I've set a precendent by supporting her in the apartment during separation AND she "kind of" followed me around for "my" career - we've moved three times in 15 years.

I have an idea of what I think would be a "fair" settlement. This is where an attorney would help me get my arms around which scenarios are most likely. I think most cases involve the breadwinner leaving the wife AND the kids, so the person leaves behind a lot of expenses and is on the hook for child support and alimony. If SHE does get alimony, she would have to pay some back in child support.

AC hit it on the head when she said that I don't want to let go and watch my wife crash and burn, no matter how she's made me feel. I don't know if its my own self esteem issues, lack of family/support, wondering if I can actually make it on my own and raise two girls, 15 years of marriage - probably all of the above.

Not to mention, I still love her even though I'm terribly hurt and angry.

Also - still the big question - have I really, really tried? I've chased my tail, and continued to be a good single dad, but I don't think I ever focused on doing things that would make her want to come back.

Thanks for listening. Take it easy on me with the advice for now. I'm "man enough" to admit when I'm feeling beat up and down. Going to therapy tomorrow night - maybe that will help as well.
MEM11363 is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Forgiveness? Anger? Release? How do I deal with emotions? gingerlily Coping with Infidelity 2 09-24-2012 01:34 PM
Anger? What anger?? MattMatt Coping with Infidelity 79 07-31-2012 09:22 PM
How to deal with unprovoked outburst of anger? credamdóchasgra The Men's Clubhouse 41 01-23-2011 01:10 PM
How do I deal with this anger???? Deb1234 Coping with Infidelity 4 09-25-2010 08:39 PM
When his anger gets in the way..... MRS.me General Relationship Discussion 2 01-11-2010 12:13 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:41 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.