I love my wife. I love her so much that I constantly sacrifice things that perhaps I shouldn't. As I try to be more assertive, she lashes out (making me feel worse, insecure, and the cycle continues).
She used to do a lot of nice things for me. Not anymore... It is becoming obvious to me that she is simply with me because things are comfortable. I am her "best friend," someone she can trust (to get things done, to give her solid advice, be a very good provider, etc).
My needs aren't met, and haven't been for a long time. I have discussed some of those needs in another forum. Ultimately, she has told me that she is not "in love," and feels nothing romantic for me. She doesn't know if that will come back, but isn't willing to work on it (right now) because she has too much other stuff going on. She has also said she will never see another therapist (and won't go on medication). Our "marriage counselor" won't see us again until she at least takes a step in that direction.
We had a similar issue in January (prior to being married), where we went to counseling, she claimed to have figured out her feelings (at the time - cold feed...), and wanted to marry me -- was excited to marry me. Within weeks of being married, she said "this isn't how it supposed to feel," and has gone right back to how she was acting in January. She has since let me know that she married me in hopes that it would fix her feelings -- and that they weren't cold feet, she just said that. Obviously it didn't fix her feelings.
I feel like I lost the ability to make a choice, as I am not sure if I would have gotten married (or not) had I known I wasn't marrying someone who was head over heals in love with me, but rather someone who was head over heals in convenience with me.
I am really hurting. We have been married only a few short months. I thought we did everything right, from a long dating period to a long courtship to living together. We had struggled through challenges together, traveled together, made big decisions together. I can't understand why she has changed.
She has basically said that I am too good of a guy to pass up, and that she isn't going anywhere (at least I am not going to be abandoned, heh). However, who wants to stay in a marriage where their partner is progressively detaching, becoming more moody, and treating them less and less like a spouse.
Areas impacted: communication, our connection, our physical (and emotional) intimacy, finances (she lets me pay everything, and snaps at me if I even ASK for her to pay a commensurate portion).
I mentioned separation, and the only way I can depict her response is "if you even go there, I am SO out of here." Obviously that touched a nerve and her "comfort" was threatened.
My therapist, CODA group, and friends are all telling me it is time to get out...
I think I need out. But I am dying emotionally... I have been married once before, and don't want to divorce again. I am in love with what I THOUGHT we had (would have), and am still holding onto hope that we could have it again...
I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I know I won't DIE by taking the step, that there is something there to catch/save me. But I don't know what it is, and can't understand it. I am afraid. Worst of all, I know there is no going back. She is flighty.
She used to do a lot of nice things for me. Not anymore... It is becoming obvious to me that she is simply with me because things are comfortable. I am her "best friend," someone she can trust (to get things done, to give her solid advice, be a very good provider, etc).
My needs aren't met, and haven't been for a long time. I have discussed some of those needs in another forum. Ultimately, she has told me that she is not "in love," and feels nothing romantic for me. She doesn't know if that will come back, but isn't willing to work on it (right now) because she has too much other stuff going on. She has also said she will never see another therapist (and won't go on medication). Our "marriage counselor" won't see us again until she at least takes a step in that direction.
We had a similar issue in January (prior to being married), where we went to counseling, she claimed to have figured out her feelings (at the time - cold feed...), and wanted to marry me -- was excited to marry me. Within weeks of being married, she said "this isn't how it supposed to feel," and has gone right back to how she was acting in January. She has since let me know that she married me in hopes that it would fix her feelings -- and that they weren't cold feet, she just said that. Obviously it didn't fix her feelings.
I feel like I lost the ability to make a choice, as I am not sure if I would have gotten married (or not) had I known I wasn't marrying someone who was head over heals in love with me, but rather someone who was head over heals in convenience with me.
I am really hurting. We have been married only a few short months. I thought we did everything right, from a long dating period to a long courtship to living together. We had struggled through challenges together, traveled together, made big decisions together. I can't understand why she has changed.
She has basically said that I am too good of a guy to pass up, and that she isn't going anywhere (at least I am not going to be abandoned, heh). However, who wants to stay in a marriage where their partner is progressively detaching, becoming more moody, and treating them less and less like a spouse.
Areas impacted: communication, our connection, our physical (and emotional) intimacy, finances (she lets me pay everything, and snaps at me if I even ASK for her to pay a commensurate portion).
I mentioned separation, and the only way I can depict her response is "if you even go there, I am SO out of here." Obviously that touched a nerve and her "comfort" was threatened.
My therapist, CODA group, and friends are all telling me it is time to get out...
I think I need out. But I am dying emotionally... I have been married once before, and don't want to divorce again. I am in love with what I THOUGHT we had (would have), and am still holding onto hope that we could have it again...
I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I know I won't DIE by taking the step, that there is something there to catch/save me. But I don't know what it is, and can't understand it. I am afraid. Worst of all, I know there is no going back. She is flighty.