"Trial" Separations a Good Idea?
First post here, although I've been lurking for a while now. I just wanted to hear from some people who have tried "trial" separations. How did they go? Did they help? Were you able to re-unite successfully or did they result in the end of the relationship? Etc, etc, etc.
The reason I'm considering the idea of a trial separation is that I feel utterly alone, depressed, numb and angry. The husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for eight. No kids. For years, we've lived almost as "room-mates" only. He sits at his end of the house on his computer. I sit at my end of the house on mine. We don't talk much at all, although when we do say a few words to each other it is about how his day was at work, his hobby, or him whinging that he is hungry and wants dinner, or him telling me that the dishes need doing or that he wants me to pay such and such bill today. (Yes, I'm a very slack "home-maker").
A few weeks ago, we sat down and had a discussion, initiated by me, about how things were going in the marriage for both of us. I thought the discussion was actually quite positive. We both remained calm (although he was initially upset). I think we both made an effort to really listen to the other person. The primary issues identified in the discussion were me feeling completely unsupported in an emotional sense and his feeling that because I do not keep the house tidy that I am showing disrespect for him.
The problem is that nothing much seems to have changed and I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm angry and/or depressed the majority of time and it's badly affecting how I generally communicate with him. In short, I'm treating him like crap and feel totally out of control. He seems to be avoiding me (hell, I can't blame him in a sense because I'm not nice to be around a lot of the time).
The way things are at the moment, I'm not being fair to him or myself, so I'm thinking about a trial separation for a while. Don't get me wrong, I don't want a divorce or anything. I just think that maybe if I leave the situation for a while, I might be able to get control of my behaviour. Maybe we could look at some couple's counselling or something. (I'm already in individual therapy). I don't know. Just feeling lost and confused and looking at doing what is right.