I have better conversation with my walls than my husband...
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I have better conversation with my walls than my husband...

Hello everyone,
been married for 5 years, have one child. For the last 4 years I have been letting my husband know I don't understand why he does not talk to me. When out with others he is a clown, you can not get him to stop talking, or joking. Once we hit our home, or vehicle the silence begins.

It is driving me crazy that he can talk to others but not me. I began to think something was wrong with me. I have always been a talker. This was something I looked for in a mate.

Recently I told him I feel fooled. In the beginning he talked, called on the phone and talked. Then it turned into I am not a phone person. Had I known this or was able to see the red flags prior to us getting married I told him I would not have even considered it. I am losing my mind. I should not have to ask 50 questions to get a conversation out of my husband.

This incompatibility has a domino effect on our marriage. He thinks I am saying he is not loving me like I want to be loved, this has nothing to do with love. But this is his part of who he is, I just wish I had known this. I don't want to change him. I tell him I would not be mad if he found someone else because she may be better for him.

He thinks something is wrong with him, I tell him nothing is wrong with you, I am a talker you are not and for me this is a void in our marriage. I don't know what to do. I am bored, I am relieved when he travels for work, I don't know what to do except leave.
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Old 08-04-2010, 11:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I have better conversation with my walls than my husband...

I know how you feel, however I am a quiet person naturally - most of the time. My husband will fawn over me and talk and smile when we are in public, esp. in front of his family, then when we get to our room, or I try to strike up a conversation, he will stonewall me and not talk. He says...shhh you talk too much. Now he is the first person to EVER tell me I talk too much! When we were dating he was very outgoing with me and we made love all the time. Now he is very quiet and we only make love once a month. I try to talk to him about it but that is no use. He only stonewalls me. The one thing I have tried that has helped is sending him emails telling him what I want to tell him, especially if it is a difficult situation I want to discuss. He will then open up and talk a bit to me after he gets the email and I keep my distance from him.

I hope all works out for you. This may be just a transitional period in your marriage. But know that you telling him you would not have married him does not help. It will make him talk less. Try to talk to him about pleasant things for a few days then when your both comfortable, start talking about the more difficult things.
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Old 08-05-2010, 12:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I have better conversation with my walls than my husband...

quirky_girl thank you. The funny thing is he knows that he does this. He knows that apart from me he talks it up with everyone else, but has no answer for why he can not have conversations with me.

I am not the one to bring up the issues. That is because I felt they were going in one ear and out the other so I stopped. I try to just talk about anything, I love to talk. He is the one who brings up the issues, asking questions that is why I ended up telling him that I probably would not have married him knowing his quiet nature, he asked me, so I was honest. He has no problem wanting to know how I feel yet that's it a whole lot of questions but no effort.

I have done the emails, even letters. However after weeks have passed I end up having to ask if he has read them and the response is yes.....nothing else. He says nothing else about them. This is so frustrating I don't know what to do anymore.
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