Is it possible to find spouse attractive again - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-05-2010, 11:04 PM Thread Starter
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Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

Been married almost 8 yrs together 11 yrs. Recently been thinking about divorcing. I just don't find my husband attractive anymore, he's a good man and loving father and hard worker, but no more passion for me. He is still into me but I'm not into him sexually anymore. For years I've been telling him that I need to be kisssed but he would just give me the peck kiss, like you would a close family member. and now that he knows I'm not happy with our marriage, now he wants to start kissing. Is is possible for me to learn how to fall in love with him again
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 12:24 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

It seems improbable to me, I became unattractive toward my wife years ago, it got to the point that eventually she also lost the passion you describe, we separated and are now headed for divorce, she is a good mother, me a good dad, but I now find other women attractive as I always had only now that I am single again, I cannot ever see me feeling sexually attracted to my wife again..it had just gotten to be to wide a gap to close in my case..not sure if others can re-light passion, but I'd only feel the need to be together for our kids and nothing else, I'd suffer through a passionless marriage like her if we had kept the status quo..you can fall back in love but that doesn't mean the passion returns IMO.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 04:58 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

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Originally Posted by confusedcapricorn View Post
Been married almost 8 yrs together 11 yrs. Recently been thinking about divorcing. I just don't find my husband attractive anymore, he's a good man and loving father and hard worker, but no more passion for me. He is still into me but I'm not into him sexually anymore. For years I've been telling him that I need to be kisssed but he would just give me the peck kiss, like you would a close family member. and now that he knows I'm not happy with our marriage, now he wants to start kissing. Is is possible for me to learn how to fall in love with him again
so he's a good man and loving father and hard worker ? I think for some women these traits are turn-offs & you happened to be one of them .
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 05:01 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

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Originally Posted by confusedcapricorn View Post
Been married almost 8 yrs together 11 yrs. Recently been thinking about divorcing. I just don't find my husband attractive anymore, he's a good man and loving father and hard worker, but no more passion for me. He is still into me but I'm not into him sexually anymore. For years I've been telling him that I need to be kisssed but he would just give me the peck kiss, like you would a close family member. and now that he knows I'm not happy with our marriage, now he wants to start kissing. Is is possible for me to learn how to fall in love with him again
Sounds like you need Romancing, perhaps you both do. In a marriage over time one or both can become very complacent, like there's no need to bother anymore.

When the passions gone, sometimes we need to relearn what we've forgotten or better still learn new things. I've a great book called "Super Sex". Titles a bit misleading as it seems superficial. But there's so much in it for both men and women.

Bob
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 08:04 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

I am also trying to figure if it is possible to become attracted to my husband again. For the most part we are good together but I just don't find him attractive sexually at all. Our marriage has been sexless for over 2 years now and I'm wondering exactly how this is different from being good friends or roomates. If you find any answers I'd be interested in them too.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 08:22 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

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I am also trying to figure if it is possible to become attracted to my husband again. For the most part we are good together but I just don't find him attractive sexually at all. Our marriage has been sexless for over 2 years now and I'm wondering exactly how this is different from being good friends or roomates. If you find any answers I'd be interested in them too.
What is it that you do to "turn your husband on". How many different things have you tried? What surprised you the most out of everything you tried? Was it white stockings with white knickers. Long white socks or long colourful socks? Was it when you got the blindfolds and handcuffs out? Was it when you laid a romatic table and cooked a romantic meal?

How many different things did you try before you discovered that you just can't turn him on anymore?

Bob
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 11:15 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

Do you spend 15 hours a week together with your husband? Do you go on dates? Do you know how you Love Bust him and what his Emotional Needs are (from marriagebuilders.com)? And does he know his?

There are a LOT of things you can change to start liking him again. I did it and I had much more baggage than you. But it has to start with YOU changing how you deal with HIM. Get the questionnaires from marriagebuilders and start there.

Read the book His Needs Her Needs.

And get this book: Amazon.com: 52 Invitations To Grrreat Sex: It All Begins with a Lick (9780974259918): Laura Corn: Books
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 12:26 PM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

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Do you spend 15 hours a week together with your husband? Do you go on dates? Do you know how you Love Bust him and what his Emotional Needs are (from marriagebuilders.com)? And does he know his?

There are a LOT of things you can change to start liking him again. I did it and I had much more baggage than you. But it has to start with YOU changing how you deal with HIM. Get the questionnaires from marriagebuilders and start there.

Read the book His Needs Her Needs.

And get this book: Amazon.com: 52 Invitations To Grrreat Sex: It All Begins with a Lick (9780974259918): Laura Corn: Books
It all begins with a lick, now there's a thing lol.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-06-2010, 12:27 PM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

It's a great book for getting your SF life heated up again.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-13-2015, 07:50 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

I have been married to my husband for almost a year and I don't feel attracted to him anymore. We have more bad days than good days arguing constantly. I get to the point that I'm fed up. Sometimes I feel like I was better when I was alone, don't get me wrong I had bad times when I was alone but I could blame it on myself. I just feel like I merely exist and as long as my time is consumed doing something for my kids or my mom I'm fine. I just don't know what to do.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-13-2015, 08:12 AM
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Re: Is it possible to find spouse attractive again

We decide whether we find others attractive or not. We actually create connections in our brains by our choices. You can train your mind to perceive him as unattractive or train it to find him attractive. If you want to find him attractive, focus predominantly on his positive aspects. If you want to find him unattractive, focus mostly on his faults and flaws. If you want to be content, focus on the great things you have. If you want to be discontent, focus on what you aren't getting.
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