It's easy for you guys to say you bought it, you keep it. Unless what you 'bought' is an abusive relationship. That is a sham and unfair to expect the abused spouse to have to stay just because she made a vow.
I didn't say "you bought it, you keep it", but I still would like to reply to your comment. (although I did say D would not be a golden ticket to happiness)
It always pains me that we only hear one partners side of the story here. Except for extremely rare cases, both partners always played a roll in the breakdown of the M. This is even more true in the long term M's. I'd like to hear why L's H has checked out.
If we could go back in time, 5 years, 10 years, etc. and ask people who want out about their spouse and M, I guarantee they did not feel then as they now say they did. Our present perception colors how we see everything, even history. When we're fed up and want to be done, we HAVE TO justify our wanting out by focusing only on the bad, and rewriting the past. It's a coping mechanism to help us with our present decisions. (and left behind spouses do this too)
So for 22 years it all sucked? Sorry, but I don't believe it. VERY few people would stick around for that long in a sucky M. First D's average around 7-8 years. Lynst, your M made it way past that... likely for a good reason.
But I'm not posting this to convince you of anything, Lynst. You basically came here to say you're done, and are looking for validation for this decision. Nothing wrong with that.
Lynst, I'm truly sorry for the all the pain you are going through right now, and wish you and your family the peace and love you deserve. I hope you can find it.