08-15-2010, 10:57 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | Repulsed by Wife! HELP
First time posting and as you can imagine I need some advice! Been married 14 years and have 3 kids (all under 7). Wife and I entered in our relationship in an interesting manner - we were kinda forced to marry because of immigration concerns! Well she was ready to marry, but I was far from ready.
After 2 years I walked out because I couldn't stand being married to her any more but I was talked back into the relationship and we carried on.
We had a lot of fun together before we had kids and things were pretty good - didn't have a lot of intimate moment (ie sex) but we traveled and had fun together. Thinking back, we were really good roommate that had similar interests etc.
About 5 years ago Wife hurt her back and as a result the fun times stopped because she couldn't participate. Things like skiing, golfing, etc all came to a halt for her and she wouldn't let me pursue these things with out her. So my life came to a stop too. She is still dealing with the back injury today.
I let her stop me having fun and I take responsibility for that but believe that over the past 5 years I have built up such a resentment for her that I am now just repulsed by her. I don't like it when she touches me (holds my hand etc) and I do whatever I can to avoid being around her.
A couple of months ago I had a 'come to Jesus' moment and realized how I was feeling and what the probable cause was. I told her that I was thinking of leaving and wasn't sure my heart was in the relationship anymore and she freaked out.
She has subsequently apologized for everything she did to contribute to the way I'm feeling today but I still feel this resent and complete repulsion towards her.
We very rarely have sex and she has often accused me of not pursuing her - which is very true. I don't pursue her because I don't find her sexually attractive.
About 3 months ago I met another woman at work and have started having an affair with her. She is just everything that wife is not and I'm so attracted to her. I see a life of happiness and passion with her rather than the life of lack of passion and dreariness with Wife.
I have had multiple affairs over the 14 years of marriage probably because I am very unsatisfied in the passion department.
The more I write, the more it seems to become clear to me - I should probably leave wife - irrespective of situation with girlfriend. I'm not a faithful husband and will probably never be with her - I am just not fulfilled.
Would love to hear anyone's thoughts on my situation. Also, would be interested in how to have the tough conversation with Wife about leaving. She has no knowledge of any of my past indiscretions - should I just leave it that way and leave because I'm not emotionally engaged anymore? Or should I confess to the past indiscretions?