lack of emotion

jem · 06-30-2008, 12:22 PM

I have been with my husband for 9 years. We do not have children. He is athletic, kind, handy, not quick tempered, good with money, smart, etc. . . the problem is he is not emotional, spiritual, or interested in creativity. . . the biggest of all is the lack of emotion, depth. he admits he is not good at depth, nor does he really care for it. he likes surface conversation. i then do not feel a connection to him, and then we rarely have sex as a result. we are best friends however. we like hanging out. we love each other, but don't feel particularly in love. we just cannot get our act together and be a couple. On top of that, I became emotionally involved with someone who offered the spirituality, emotion, depth. . . but then this person did not have some of the qualities I like in my husband. . .i'm not sure how to reconnect with my husband when i'm not feeling attracted to him, when he's not affectionate, emotional. . .i would also like a spiritual connection which he has no real interest in. . .and yes, we have talked about it-over and over again to the point where we are both exhausted about whether to stay together or not. i just can't seem to get my head back in this relationship, but i also can't seem to let it go b/c he really is a "good" guy with some great qualities in comparison to many of the posts i have read here.

Amplexor · 06-30-2008, 12:54 PM

In order to reconnect with your husband you must stop all contact with TOM. That relationship is pulling you further away from your husband and is not allowing you to “get your head back into the relationship.” The more deeply you get involved with TOM the more difficult it will be to find the feelings you want for your husband. If you haven’t sought help from a professional do so. Emotional affairs can be just as devastating to both parties as physical ones. Put your efforts into your marriage and forget the other guy.

draconis · 07-01-2008, 07:59 PM

I agree with Amp. For you to have the ability to reconnect you must get Tom out of the picture because he is only going to cloud things for you. Men more so then women think more with one half of there brain at a time because they have less white matter connecting the two sides thus lack of emotions. Not all men are built like this however. The point is maybe this is just how your husband is. He is a good guy all around but isn't emotional. Then again if he was there might be a whole different set of issues.

draconis

Josh · 07-04-2008, 08:35 AM

I have some questions before i answer - why did you marry him? what kept you with him for 9 years? is your new spiritual desire so strong that feel alone all of the time with him?