09-12-2010, 04:16 AM
Join Date: Feb 2010
| | Does incompatibility exist/can it be overcome?
We've finally started to get real & my partner of 10 years admits he doesn't think our relationship is going to work. I always have to push him to talk, because he's probably afraid of speaking his truth for fear of losing his son if we split. We've had issues for a long time, he lays a lot at my door I lay a lot at his, ultimately he reckons we're incompatible. I reckon if he would just take a step further addressing his oversensitivity (which he acknowledges) we'd at least stand the last chance. The nub is this: if he won't tell me that yes he does want to be with me & our son fulltime (long story, he's bought a 'cave' where I'm not welcome where he spends about 40% of the time & I just yesterday learned that was on the advice of a counsellor he saw for anger management a couple of years back
) ... if he won't give that bit of encouragement, how can I overcome my total inertia about restoring affection, etc,. to my input to our relationship? For months and months, maybe a couple of years actually, since we broke our engagement, I've been so down about not knowing if he wanted to be with me I've gradually withdrawn and withdrawn. He accuses me of lack of affection (accurately)... I say how can I be affectionate to someone who's pretty much saying he doesn't want to be with me?
I could go on but won't. I hope someone will reply, I'm at my wits end just asked him if we could complete yesterday's conversation & he's saying why can't we go to the beach to enjoy the beach rather than have a big conversation. Fair point but then that makes me think he wants to enjoy time with me so why not say it and a bit more to get things going again.