He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...
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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 09-30-2010, 04:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...

I have a problem and don't know what to do.

When we got married 9 years ago, this jerk was not who he was. He was church going, everyone went to him for advice, he was perfect and then jumped off the deep end and I don't know why.

I have been secretly trying to save money up to leave my husband. He drinks a lot, admits he hired a prostitute once, is verbally abusive, spent all our savings, and just an all-around jack ass.


We both wanted kids, but now after everything that has happened, I don't want a kid anymore. I haven't told him that because I don't care anymore, I just want to save up enough to leave. I did say that I would be more ready to have a kid if I had a home of my own to raise it in.

He surprised me yesterday with the fact that he got approved for a home loan and wants to start shopping for that dream home. This was not at all in my plan. I don't have enough saved to leave yet. But if I don't go along with this house plan, he will know something is wrong and I am scared of him. He started taking anti-depressants this week, but I don't think it will fix him.

I'm scared and I have no friends or family. I just moved here. What do you guys think?
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Old 09-30-2010, 04:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...

I have no idea. I'm sorta in your shoes except we haven't been married that long and I'm expecting our first child together before the end of the year. I'm still looking for advice on what to do or not do and just posted in another thread for help.

The only thing I can think of is keep saving up. And be very demanding and picky on the house. Every house you see come up with something wrong with it. "The kitchen is all wrong. it would take 30,000 to fix it..... lets find another house that's better!"
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Old 09-30-2010, 04:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...

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Originally Posted by Shano View Post
I have no idea. I'm sorta in your shoes except we haven't been married that long and I'm expecting our first child together before the end of the year. I'm still looking for advice on what to do or not do and just posted in another thread for help.

The only thing I can think of is keep saving up. And be very demanding and picky on the house. Every house you see come up with something wrong with it. "The kitchen is all wrong. it would take 30,000 to fix it..... lets find another house that's better!"
That's not a bad idea! Thanks! The only thing is that he is super eager to find a house. I think he thinks that if he buys a house I'll pop out a kid for him. What gets me though is that he told me two months ago that he doesn't love me but only keeps me around because I'm "good people". It's such a freakin mess. I want out so bad I lowered myself to working at a bikini bar just to save money. I'll defin. try to be a critic though and see if that helps. That's kinda what I've been doing already. I've just been saying, "I don't care what the house is, as long as you find something you're happy with".

I used to dream about buying my first home with the love of my life. This is not exactly how I pictured it. So much for my happy ending.
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Old 09-30-2010, 04:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...

That's where my husband is different. He's always worried I'm going to leave him, like some of his exes have done in the past. And I really don't want to leave him, I love him. And he can be super caring. But then on the other hand, he's said things and done things that just make me doubt he feels anything for me or really cares.

I can curl up next to him and just be so damn happy we are together and he's holding me. Then I get upset he can't even touch me or desire me because I'm pregnant. Especially since this has NEVER been a problem with him and his ex-wife or other mothers of his kids.

I don't know why I'm different.

He tells me every day how much he loves me and needs me. He's never cheated that I know of, nor has he ever raised a hand to hurt me or even yell at me. But words hurt. and lies to do to. and finding out the truth of his past hurts even the most.
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Old 09-30-2010, 08:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: He wants to buy a house and I want to run away...

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Originally Posted by TabbyD View Post
What gets me though is that he told me two months ago that he doesn't love me but only keeps me around because I'm "good people". It's such a freakin mess. I want out so bad I lowered myself to working at a bikini bar just to save money. .
This is incredible that someone could actually say such a thing and expect you to buy into the dream!!

I know the housing market stinks almost everywhere, but perhaps you can really push him towards the ego rush of holding out for an incredible deal. I move quite a bit for my job, and when patient, can usually find one from a desperate seller. Assuming you would get half in the divorce?
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