I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-11-2010, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?

Hey guys - what can I say? the fun continues in my neck of the woods. So to keep a very long story short - my husband and I had a pretty bad week last week after a very bad conversation the Sunday before. We took the week to "think" and figure out what to do.
Anyway, we had a conversation on Saturday and decided that either something changes or we will be separating. It was such a hard conversation. One of the things coming out of that is that my husband tried to explain why we dont' have any intimacy. He said that we never had a great sex life to begin with, but that he didn't do anything about it because he thought there were other "more important things" - this is before we even got married. Aside from that, he said that he is not as attracted to me physically anymore because of my own comments that I make about being fat, etc (I am a bit obsessed with my wait as it always seems to go up and down).

Anyway, he took responsiblity for not saying anything about his unhappiness w/ sex, but based on his comments seems that I contributed to it too.
With regard to children, he said why would I plan for kids when I am not sure that we are going to make it. He has no faith in our relationship and has been waiting for me to call it quits for the last year.

I am very sad. While I am tired and frustrated, I don't want to give up, but I honestly don't see how we are going to make this incredible recovery.

The funny thing in all of this is that my husband says he loves me. Can you really love someone (as much as he says he does) and not see a future? I guess he loves me more as a friend.

He also asked me whether we would stay friends if we separated (and ultimately divorced), he is worried about seeing our dog afterward. I am not sure I can be his friend.

I am starting to see a therapist this week on my own. We have failed at couple's therapy twice. I am hoping this will help me see things more clearly.

I am really dreading the holidays and the thought that I may be spending them alone. I have pretty much decided that I am not going to his parents/sisters house if we are still in this limbo. That would just be too difficult.

okay - I realize that I am not making any sense. In the end, we have both said that we are very close to being done, but hoping for a change. I have no idea what to change. other than to stop talking about our issues and go on w/ life until someone says it is over - I am at a complete loss. Guess better get ready to start over.

It makes me so sad to think about this - but I don't want to start another year feeling this way -the stress is killing me.

Any thoughts?

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-08-2011, 04:28 AM
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Re: I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?

I completely understand you. I havent even been married a year. However we have a great sex life (WHEN IT HAPPENS). however he killed my feelings for him when I found out he was doing things behind my back nonestop until I threatened to leave him.

Every since I found out about his bad habbit, I havent felt the same twards him He hasnt done it since but it went on long enough he killed his chances of ever having children with me. (IF) I deside to stay married to him I'll probebly get fixed (but I am considering just leaving him anyway).

Here is a trick for you try to learn some new intament things ask him what intrests he may have or read some info on new fun sex positions (even watch a porn with him and try some of the things they do). NOTE: Road head seems to be a best done when you just out and do it when hes driveing and you dont warn them but you know your huband best (so judge based on his own carector). tell him practice makes perfect. and be spontaneious, do random fun things get him involved and do things he likes to do off and on. When was the last time you two went on vacation? Consider takeing one together dont give up until you try new things I promiss you'll be pleased..

So you have an issue with your weight, here is another trick to try if you like to dance get a dance game for WII PS3 ect.. do that 3 times a week for an hour and go for walks stay AWAY from SALT it retains water and bloats you (causing weight gain) if you look in the mirror everynight and morning when know one is around say to yourself outload "I AM BEAUTIFULL" you have to work on your self of steam first before you can really feal you have accomplished anything, and the more you do that and the more active you are and the more engaged in your togetherness with your hubby just may bring a new you a possitive happy you which in turn will bring a happier husband. hes upset with you complaining about your weight because if your so unhappy about it then be pro active not inactive stop lying and start living your life. your putting a complete stop to everything because of a few flaws. Take your bad conversation you and hubby had and make it possitive by makeing it a learning block not a regreat! try a new stepping stone be playfull and fun stop complaining, and start doing.

remember dont exspect him to do something if you wrent doing it yourself or if you dont have any intentions of following through with it either. The more possitive happy fun you, the brighter he will see things on your side of the playing field.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-08-2011, 08:20 PM
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Re: I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?

Wait. What? are you suggesting initiating oral sex on a person who is DRIVING a car? Wouldnt that be a bit ... hazardous?
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-08-2011, 09:45 PM
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Re: I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?

This thread is over a year old.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-09-2011, 10:21 PM
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Re: I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?

it was a suggestion, besides some usualy when that happens go pull over lol..
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