10-11-2010, 11:12 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | I think my marriage is really dead . . . makes me so sad - Any thoughts?
Hey guys - what can I say? the fun continues in my neck of the woods. So to keep a very long story short - my husband and I had a pretty bad week last week after a very bad conversation the Sunday before. We took the week to "think" and figure out what to do.
Anyway, we had a conversation on Saturday and decided that either something changes or we will be separating. It was such a hard conversation. One of the things coming out of that is that my husband tried to explain why we dont' have any intimacy. He said that we never had a great sex life to begin with, but that he didn't do anything about it because he thought there were other "more important things" - this is before we even got married. Aside from that, he said that he is not as attracted to me physically anymore because of my own comments that I make about being fat, etc (I am a bit obsessed with my wait as it always seems to go up and down).
Anyway, he took responsiblity for not saying anything about his unhappiness w/ sex, but based on his comments seems that I contributed to it too.
With regard to children, he said why would I plan for kids when I am not sure that we are going to make it. He has no faith in our relationship and has been waiting for me to call it quits for the last year.
I am very sad. While I am tired and frustrated, I don't want to give up, but I honestly don't see how we are going to make this incredible recovery.
The funny thing in all of this is that my husband says he loves me. Can you really love someone (as much as he says he does) and not see a future? I guess he loves me more as a friend.
He also asked me whether we would stay friends if we separated (and ultimately divorced), he is worried about seeing our dog afterward. I am not sure I can be his friend.
I am starting to see a therapist this week on my own. We have failed at couple's therapy twice. I am hoping this will help me see things more clearly.
I am really dreading the holidays and the thought that I may be spending them alone. I have pretty much decided that I am not going to his parents/sisters house if we are still in this limbo. That would just be too difficult.
okay - I realize that I am not making any sense. In the end, we have both said that we are very close to being done, but hoping for a change. I have no idea what to change. other than to stop talking about our issues and go on w/ life until someone says it is over - I am at a complete loss. Guess better get ready to start over.
It makes me so sad to think about this - but I don't want to start another year feeling this way -the stress is killing me.