What to do after 14 years of marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 10-23-2010, 06:42 AM Thread Starter
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Location: Virginia
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What to do after 14 years of marriage

This could get a little long winded but here it goes.

My wife and I have been married 14 years been together for 18. We had our problems early on but managed to deal with them. Over the years I felt as we got older we matured and would talk about our problems and respect each others feelings/decisions. Over the last 5 years the wife has been acting out. Now mind you that my wife was diagnosed with being biopolar more then 10 years ago. She hasn't consistently been on medicine since then but it seems like she has been more erratic over the last few years. Here is the main point and history.

About 10 years ago the wife and I had problems. She felt that she was missing out on her youth and would try and go out to clubs every weekend while I stayed home with the kids. I went out every once in a while but for her it was pretty consistent. During that time there was a night where she saw my first cousin in the club and they hung out and danced. No real issues there. But when they started to leave she went with him to his car because she was concerned about his drinking and was sitting in his car and he tried to kiss her on the neck and it seems as she didn't initially pull away but then did. She came back that night and I could tell something was wrong plus I used that same Febreeze smell in the car. Basically I went off on both of them and forgave her and him over a long period. Wouldn't have been so bad if it was just somebody but not family. I also told her she shouldn't be talking to him directly anymore.

Then 5 years ago I found out she was texting him on a cellphone about hang out with her and a friend because she claims she was going to hook the friend up with him. I told her this was completely inappropiate and she knew better. I even said he was wrong after what happenned and he wasn't even calling the house phone instead of hers. I didn't even know they were talking again.

About a year and a half ago I told her I needed to move out because she we weren't getting along and I was already overwhelmed because of work and tried to talk to her about it and she wouldn't listen. I did not say I wanted a divorce but wanted some time and space. After about 3 months I talked to her and told her I wanted to work on things and I did not see anyone during that time. She told me she talked with somebody she knew before we got married who lived near her job and just talked. After a month of getting back together she pursued asking me about having another child which she had done for the last year and I said that I didn't think it was a good idea. This time I said yes. We currently have 2 teenagers. I thought things were going well. She got pregnant and unfortunately had hyperemesis and was sick everyday and had to go on meds for it. After about 3 months she gets emotional and start says she needs to talk to me and that there was a little more that happened between her and this guy that she talked to. BTW, I knew the person from our High School. He has his own family problems. She said they did not sleep together but they did mess around. She got really upset and said she wouldn't talk to him and she wanted me to forgive her and didn't know why she did what she did. I was really hurt that at this age she still acts like a teenager. Then I thought maybe it's because she really needs to be on medication and it's affecting her thinking. I told her that I would "work on it" with her but on the condition she take the meds. She agreed. After the baby she took time to get better after the C-section she started on her meds and stayed on them for awhile. Then she fell off taking them after she ran out of one of the pack and I said something to her about it taking them. She finally agreed and started back on them for 5 days. After the 5th day she stopped again and I said something to her a couple of times. She still won't take them and says it because the way it makes her feel.

After all the mess that's happened over the years I felt like her taking this medication and getting help was the only way we could sit down and work on our marriage. What should I do? Is this it? Am I wrong for finally putting my foot down and leaving if that's what I decide? I really just don't want to waste anymore of my life stuck with the same drama.

Sorry for being so long winded but I feel you had to know the history. Thanks for any input.

DW2010 is offline  
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