Confused and lost, divorce and the bipolar husband
Hello, My name is Laura. I apologize for the length of this but I am so lost. I am a proud mother of a two year old little boy who is a ball of energy. I got married to my husband on May 16th, 2008. My husband is mentally ill with bipolar disorder and he is also an alcoholic. I knew him for 8 years before we got married, only dated for 8 months, yes we kind of jumped into it. We we started dating he was clean and sober and recently diagnosed with bipolar. He was doing well, held a job, but then all that changed. One year ago in July Kevin attempted suicide a few weeks after he got fired. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks. I had it in the back of my mind that I was going to give him another year. He never got his act together. We lived off of my income which was nothing as I work only part time at the post office. We were forced to live with my mom because of our financial situation. Kevin slept all day, played video games all night, was absent in my life and in my sons life. He made the garage his home. Then he got disability which made things a little easier financially but nothing else changed. He was very rough with words in arguments and outside. He always put down my accomplishments, said I got my job handed to me on a silver platter. I allowed him to stay at home and do nothing so I could go to work and he could watch his son, sit on his butt collecting disability. That wasn't good for him either. he'd call me at work and threaten to leave me, or leave our son and the crib and take off. He'd call swearing at me, telling me to f* off, etc. It was abuse. I walked on eggshells. I turned down opportunites to work more so I wouldn't make him mad. I would wait until he was in a seemingly good mood to discuss important things. I so much to get through to him, nothing worked.
My last happy moment was on our 2nd anniversary, a week after that things went downhill and continued to get worse. July 31st was the last day we were together. I didn't have to make that decision about giving him one more year, he did it for me. We had an ongoing argument that was the same every time, pointing fingers, name calling and other cheap shots. I went to my Pastor's house with Kevin. Pastor Don is my Dad kind of, since mine passed away, they were best friends. While I was talking to Don inside, Kevin was in the driveway unbeknownst to me, "altering" my car. Kevin eventually came in and had a heated discussion with the Pastor. Kevin spit out threats and words that would make a sailor blush. Kevin took off on foot, I and my son headed home in my car but I didn't get far. I discovered while going downhill I had NO steering and then the car instantly overheated. I made it back to my pastor's house where we discovered that Kevin pulled off the serpentine belt and some sparkplugs. Don's son and friend put the belt back but didn't know the plugs were out, my brother fixed that later.
I hid out at my brother's house because I was afraid Kevin was going to come after me and hurt me. He went home, got drunk, called his parents to say his suicidal goodbyes, put a shotgun barrel through our bedroom door and shot my bedroom wall. Later he came to my brother's house. I didn't know he brought the gun at first. I agreed to talk to him. He then told me what he did at home and he said he would kill himself if I didn't come home with him. I freaked out, got away and went inside. Kevin headed to the car to get his gun. We locked the door and called 911. The police came and had a short standoff. They took Kevin into custody and brought him to a mental hospital. The police said the shotgun was loaded and the safety was off. All this happened just a room away from where my son was sleeping. Kevin only stayed in the hospital for a week and was released.
I have a restraining order because I am afraid. At first I had hopes of reconcilliation but the more and more I think about it, that is not the right thing to do. I only had the restraining order until my son's 2nd birthday, next month, but now I'm thinking I should extend that.
I made some calls about divorce and I know I can't afford it and probably can't until I get my tax return. My family is totally against ever taking Kevin back because of what he did. Why am I having second thoughts about divorce? What if this is just his illness and he can get better with the proper treatment and medication? What if he can't get better and the next time something like this happens, I lose my life or my son is hurt? I am so confused it hurts but I know I do have to extend the restraining order because I am not ready to give Kevin the option of contacting me. Fear of your husband is something that is hard to shake and I may never shake it.
This is not what I wanted. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with my husband. The way we got together was a perfect story that I always loved telling when we were together. I never knew this marriage would end with such a nightmarish ending.
Please... no matter how harsh... I need advice. I am lost and I confused.