No More Feelings!!
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default No More Feelings!!

I have been married for 12 years now and have been struggling with my marriage, believe it or not, for 5. Mainly staying with my husband because I have an 11 year old daughter. I have no feelings for him. We have gone to counscelling which he did not care to go, but that just did not seem to do anything. Sure it helped somewhat???? while we attended. I have said so many times I am going to leave you and he says "No, don't." But nothing changes. There is nothing in here It's an empty marriage. We don't talk, no sex, no friendship, I have epilepsy and he has no idea when my last neurologist or seizure even was.

I look at him and I'm at the point, I hate myself right now saying this, but there are times when I am so mad at myself for marrying him. I'm just disgusted with him. However, there is a tiny, very,very, tiny sliver where I question God can we make this work? And I just nod to myself and say "Hell, No!" Forgive me for saying that. But I just keep thinking about my life without him in it.

I do tell myself that maybe I should wait 'til my daughter is 18, wait 'til she is done school. But I just don't know???? What to do?
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

Sometimes it's better go for a testosterone blood test than MC.
At least, after he receives some injections and vaigras, you can still get sex many times a week.
MC can't boost his testosterone level.
Put your sexual life back on right track first.
When it's back, other things can be solved much easily. Try?
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Old 11-01-2010, 04:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

I hate to say it but a lot of us men don't always "get it" and do things that are not always productive. I have been sexless and have come to realize it was my way of withholding affection because my wife was not meeting my need to be appreciated, admired, secure that she desired me etc.. who started it is beyond me but I can tell you it becomes a circle that need to be broke. Think of the hubby as a dog, tell him nice things, pet him, scratch him and he will likely want more he will follow you and lick you , why? because when we feel secure we tend to want to please and usually do the right things on a subconscious level.
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Old 11-02-2010, 12:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

" geo", I agree completely with you on "the circle that needs to be broke" but there is so much about him that I feel now that I no longer have feelings, caring, loving feelings for, even if the circle is broken. I don't even want to hold him anymore.

However, I wanted the husband to fight for the marriage way back and I kept trying to get him to but he wouldn't and I finally lost complete interest, complete care in him.

How to you build a marriage, a relationship, friendship, back with that kind of feeling???
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Old 11-02-2010, 08:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

I am in the same situation. I have no feelings for my H. We have tried MC several times. I left him in July and then came back (for the kids) on terms that he would change, but of course, he changed for a few weeks, and then back to his old ways. I have no feelings for him at all, and I want out, but I feel bad doing it before Christmas. I also feel that for the kids (which are 5 and 3) I should stay, but I know that I can't stay forever just for the kids. It is a tough situation to be in, I wish you luck in your decision.
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I am in a similar situation. Married for 10 years, unhappy for many of them. I just lost respect for my husband. There are no feelings there. Our marriage is sexless, passionless, loveless. We don't fight; we just don't have any connection. We have been to MC twice, to no avail. I am about to start individual counseling. If I can't see improvement, that will be my last step. We have two children, so I have tried desperately to make this work for them.
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Old 11-10-2010, 05:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by olddeer View Post
I have been married for 12 years now and have been struggling with my marriage, believe it or not, for 5. Mainly staying with my husband because I have an 11 year old daughter. I have no feelings for him. We have gone to counscelling which he did not care to go, but that just did not seem to do anything. Sure it helped somewhat???? while we attended. I have said so many times I am going to leave you and he says "No, don't." But nothing changes. There is nothing in here It's an empty marriage. We don't talk, no sex, no friendship, I have epilepsy and he has no idea when my last neurologist or seizure even was.

I look at him and I'm at the point, I hate myself right now saying this, but there are times when I am so mad at myself for marrying him. I'm just disgusted with him. However, there is a tiny, very,very, tiny sliver where I question God can we make this work? And I just nod to myself and say "Hell, No!" Forgive me for saying that. But I just keep thinking about my life without him in it.

I do tell myself that maybe I should wait 'til my daughter is 18, wait 'til she is done school. But I just don't know???? What to do?
I'm sorry that I can't give you advice on what to do, but perhaps you can help me. My wife has given me very similar treatment. We have been married 18 years and have been seperated 2 months. I have not cheated, nor am I physically abusive, actually, I though we had a good life. In the last few months, she said she didn't think she felt the same about me anymore and said she had tried to tell me but i didn't do anything in response. At first, she said she didn't want any hand holding or anything of that nature. Sex was already off for a few weeks. Then, she said it was difficult to lie in bed with me, so I voluntarily went to the couch. Then she said she had no desire to go anywhere with me, do anything with me, or even ride in the same vehicle with me. Then, she didn't even want to be in the same house with me; it was like my mere presence was making her sick and depressed, so I left. She says she is empty too. I can't understand how someone can go from loving someone deeply to being sick of them when nothing big has happened. being a guy, I am extremely puzzled.
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

I was just about to make a similar post... I am feeling indifferent about my husband going to counseling (1st session tonight). As I wrote in another thread, I've reached a point where I am realizing I deserve better. My feelings for him have also changed as a result of all his lies and taking advantage of me, our marriage and my trust. Now he's willing to change b/c he knows I may very well leave him. All the other times I guess he never thought I was serious about my warnings. I know he's willing to change and he's making efforts but I think my love and respect for him died out a while ago. I should be happy that he's seeking therapy now but I feel indifferent. We have no children but if we did I know this would be 100 times harder.
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by cayest View Post
I just lost respect for my husband. There are no feelings there. Our marriage is sexless, passionless, loveless. We don't fight; we just don't have any connection. We have been to MC twice, to no avail. I am about to start individual counseling. If I can't see improvement, that will be my last step. We have two children, so I have tried desperately to make this work for them.
Cayest I'm in the same boat as you as far as how I feel in my marriage. i actually asked him twice in teh past to attend marriage counseling b/c I knew we had communication issues but he said it wasn't necessary he'd try to be more open. lasted a good week or so then died down. I actually sought individual counseling just 3 months ago b/c like I said I am at the end of my rope. For the sake of your kids, hang in there one more time and see if things improve.
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:26 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: No More Feelings!!

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Originally Posted by olddeer View Post
I have no feelings for him. nothing changes. There is nothing in here It's an empty marriage. We don't talk, no sex, no friendship, times when I am so mad at myself for marrying him. I'm just disgusted with him. However, there is a tiny, very,very, tiny sliver where I question God can we make this work? And I just nod to myself and say "Hell, No!" Forgive me for saying that. But I just keep thinking about my life without him in it.

I do tell myself that maybe I should wait 'til my daughter is 18, wait 'til she is done school. But I just don't know???? What to do?
Don't wait until your daughter is 18. You side like you are hopeful that you can work it out. I don't think your husband thinks your serious about leaving and that is why nothing changes. My husband now realizes that I am and now had the biggest wake up call of his life. The sad part is I feel indifferent about him wanting to fix things and get help. You need to let your husband know you are serious. You can live without him and you can still give your daughter a good life. Don't you think seeing her parents in a loveless, unattached marriage affects her just as much if you were divorced?
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