confusedandalone

I have been married to my husband for 3 years. He is loving, attentive, affectionate, sexually attracted to me, complimenting, everything somebody would want in a husband. We've been together since freshman year in college (since I was 18) 8 years ago. In the beginning there were romantic sparks and I was attracted to him and enjoyed having sex with him. Somewhere along the line he became controlling and overbearing and I think the spark went out. I started to resent him and despise him touching me. College went by, we broke up a few times, however I got back together with him after a particularly tumultuous relationship. I think I only got back together with him because I was afraid to be alone.

We moved in together and had a very volatile relationship. He worked nights and I worked days so we hardly saw each other. People kept telling me that it was our crazy schedules that was causing so much stress. We got married and I almost left him several times before the wedding because of all the fighting. We mostly fight about sex because I do not want to have sex with him, I'm not attracted to him even though he is extremely attractive. We got married, bought a house and now I feel like I"m stuck in this marriage because my family keeps saying how awesome he is and how i'll never find someone else.

So I don't know if its just me having unrealistic expectations about marriage, but I feel like I do NOT want to have children with him, I do not have any sexual feelings for him at all, I don't even really like to hold hands or hug anymore. I want this amazing man to have someone who loves him as much as he loves me and I don't think that I ever truly loved him, I think I was fooling myself and trying to love him but I don't think we're very compatible. We don't have common interests or things to talk about. We only make small talk but I guess that's because I don't really open up to him. It just feels like each day we're only going through the motions.

He knows something is going on because he has been asking me why i've been so distant and the sex is a constant issue.

HELP me I don't know what to do.

hitrockbottom

Hurts reading this..
YOu need to tell him how you feel.
I love my wife dearly but I don't think she feels the same toward me. I ask and get no response now I rest in limbo awaiting her departure. It kills me worse then knowing so I can rest my nerves.

If only she would let me know to move on or wait patiently.

Just tell him. Go from there. Do not keep it from him the pain will only intensify

idontknow

This is kind of weird...but my wife and I are going through the same thing right now. We been married a little over a year but in the past couple monts she has been very distant and does not want to talk. I finally got her to talk recently. She told me she does not believe in marriage anymore and does NOT want to have kids either. She also feels that I'm a great guy but just not for her. She says she married me for the wrong reasons. Now she talking about wanting a divorce.

My advice...do him and yourself a favor. Talk to him and be completely honest to him and yourself. good luck!

confusedandalone

Thanks for your responses guys. Its nice to hear from the opposite side. I know exactly what i need to do, he knows something is wrong. I"m going to make an appointment with a counselor this week to help me sort out all of these feelings. I'm so scared that I will regret this decision, but the more that I think about it, the more I feel that I did get married for the wrong reasons.