Wife left me and the kids

ub69me · 07-27-2008, 11:20 AM

My wife of 12 years been together for 15 has just up and left me and our two children.
she went on a vacation and when she came back she said she is now a lsbian. big shock to me and the kids. about 3 days tater i went to work she left and did not say goodby to me or the kids. she calls the kids when i am at work telling them that she did not abandon them. even though she packed everything she had owned. the kids are 16 and 14 old enough to know better. she keeps telling the kids stuff about me and i tell the kids to tell her to tell me personally if she ahs a problem with me. i did everything for her. i make enough money to support us all and she did not have to work. this was her choice i did not force her to stay home. she has been gone now for 3 weeks and she still has not talked to me. besids through the kids. the kids tell me where she is that she is not allowed to talk to me. but she can talk to anyone elseshe pleases. I JUST DONT GET IT.

draconis · 07-27-2008, 02:07 PM

Your wife might just be upset with her choices in life and instead of taking the responcibility for her own actions, she feels better to blame someone else ie you. Be the better person here, your kids do not need to be stuck in the middle of this and have to act like they favor one way or another. They may need your support and someone to talk to as well.

If you need someone I am here, as much as I can be as are many other people.

draconis

ub69me · 07-27-2008, 07:00 PM

i have been hear for the kids with all there problems
alot of it is why did mom leave and is she coming back
i tell them i dont know.
all i know is i have all the time in the world for them.
my oldest has told her mom off a few times during this abandonment of her mother. her mom said for her to knock it off and stop judging me. well i do not tell the kids much about what is going on cause they know as much as i do. witch is very little. mom likes women and she had to leave cause we did not accept her as the new her.
and as my daughter says she gave us no time to judge. she wanted the desision now!!!
my son he is just plain pissed and does not talk to her.

ub69me · 07-27-2008, 10:41 PM

One thing i just dont understand is why the heck she wont talk to me. this is what hurts me the most over this whole thing.
then i have my friends not wanting to be my friends anymore cause of what is going on. this whole situation is just plane depressing.

827Aug · 07-27-2008, 11:30 PM

Hi ub69me!

Sorry you and the kids are having to go thru this. I wished I knew what to tell you to make the situation better.

Do you suspect your wife was having a relationship with someone before her little vacation? My husband's behavior was similar in some ways after his vacation in 2007. I'm now starting to understand more. When a person has an affair (gay or straight), they distance themselves (by varying degrees) from their spouse. In addition, they tend to magnify their spouse's tiny faults or flaws. Your wife is definitely trying to distance herself from you. I don't understand why she is hurting the children though. For that reason, I would say you and the children should get counseling. They don't need to be put in the spot they are currently in--and it appears your wife wouldn't have it any other way.

Good luck with your situation!

ub69me · 08-01-2008, 07:40 PM

Wel after all this time of her not talk to her she wanted to talk
but i feel she just used me.
she needed some stuff for her new job accually her fist job in 10 years. buy her choice.
i bought her the stuff she needed and went out to eat. and talked about us. i told her what ever you decide to do with our marrige is up to you but we have two kids at home wondering if mom is coming back
if your going to leave then leave. she said she has signed up for federal housing assistance. and is thinking she may want a seperation. but also has divorce papers. she did metion that if we seperated that she wants the kids. i said the kids will make there own decision. not us for them. they need to be happy.
and then she mentioned that she was affraid that i could not accept her as being gay. i said that if your gay you need to move on with out us. the kids dont want to live with her if she is gay.

Tasha · 08-03-2008, 05:00 AM

Wow, what a hard road you have been on lately. It sounds like your wife has started to question a lot about her life, and the life she has had with you and your kids. Perhaps she needs some "time out" to think through her options and to see what it is that she is potentially going to lose? It's really sounds as if she is quite confused - but none of that is helping you right now :-(

You are being a wonderful father to your two kids at the moment, and I guess that's all you can concentrate on doing forthe time being.

I hope you are able to work out something that feels right for everyone.

Tasha

ub69me · 08-03-2008, 02:12 PM

I dont know how much longer i can hold on to her.
she has been gone for so long now that i am accually losing my faith to her. i think that her not talking to me has contibuted to this. i dont know what to do wiht keeping her in my heart.
or should i just let it go.

thank you all for your support

draconis · 08-03-2008, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ub69me

One thing i just dont understand is why the heck she wont talk to me. this is what hurts me the most over this whole thing.
then i have my friends not wanting to be my friends anymore cause of what is going on. this whole situation is just plane depressing.

If your "friends are still acting like this then they are not friends at all.

draconis

ub69me · 08-20-2008, 06:12 AM

well my wife filed for divorce on monday
i still dont believe it has happened .
she wants to take the kids and have them move into the shelter with her.
the kids dont want to move with her.
they believe that she is trying to get back at them and this is there punishment.
i told them that you have a choice in what you want and i am in no way going to for you what you dont want to do. She on the other hand says that she can force the kids to see her and has told the kids this. AND SHE TOLD ME TO KEEP THE KIDS OUT OF THE MIDDLE.
well since she has no income i think its only right that the kids stay with me.
i believe it is unhealthy for the kids to be ripped out of where they are comfortable and moved into a place that is strange.
She is the one that left us
i still do not want the divorce but she is getting everything given to her from the state free of charge. and along with that she has racked up thousands of dollars in medical bills that i may be responsable for. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this is BS << sorry.

she forced the kids to see her councelors wich is 6 of them and they told the kids that i was a bad person as in i am abusive to there mom. i guess not accepting that she is gay and a cheater behind my bach constitutes me being abusive cause i yelled at he. oh and snapping her with a towel is abusive too. and giving dirty looks to her is abusive too. OMG since when is this stuff abusive. enlighten me please

swedish · 08-20-2008, 11:55 AM

If she wants out because she is now gay and is making up abuse stories to try to get what she can from the divorce (assets/kids) document everything and get a good lawyer.

Triton · 08-20-2008, 02:47 PM

Go with Drac on this one

draconis · 08-20-2008, 03:20 PM

Get a lawyer involved now before she destroys you and the kids. Get an injunction against her for abondament now. Document everything.

draconis

ub69me · 08-26-2008, 07:00 PM

Well have an update
last week friday she came and took the kids with an order from a judge giving her automatic placement.
the kids fought the whole way. this happened when i was at work of course. did not find this out till i got homefrom a neighbor of mine. along with a leter of intent from the judge.
after i found this out i spent the 1500$ retainer fee to have an emergency court hearing. wich was today tuesday.
my son ran away from the place on friday night and saturday night both times being ppicked up by the cops.
the daughter went to work and just did not go back and was picked up on sunday. both being considered a run away.

the whole time theye were in the shelter with there mom they were not aloud to use there cell phones and to have no contact with me.

thanks to my lawyer they are once again happy and safe. they never wanted to go there in the first place
now the soon to be ex is in jail for falsifying court documents under oath. she is sitting in jail for 30 days and has lost her right to visitation. i feel sorry for her because i believe she has a right to visit her kids. oh well i guess thats what happens to people who lie to judges.

loveandmarriage · 08-26-2008, 11:07 PM

Ub69me,

I am SOOOOOO sorry for all that you and your kids are going through. Keep your head up and thankfully you did not spend anymore time on someone who is not committed to you AND their kids.