My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should
I got with my wife, Angela, when she was 15. I was 17. We've been together 10&1/2 years, married for 5. We have 3 boys, aged 6, 4, and 2. Our whole marriage we have been loving and attentive. Our kids often find us making out in the kitchen. We say I love you every day, several times a day, and whenever we are leaving/coming off the phone.
This year she has started going out more - she never used to. She couldn't handle her drink, but now she can and she is often at the pub. Although she's only 26 a lot of her friends are older, and divorced or single.
Throughout September and the first half of October we had sex every day, several times a day. She was insatiable. At one point we were taking dirty pictures of her, and she asked me if she could send them to someone. We had talked about her seeing someone - but it was only a fantasy, and we both agreed it would never happen. I agreed to her sending the picture, thinking she would pretend or send it to me or something. She sent it to a guy she knows. I later found out she had been dirty texting him, and he'd been asking for a picture. We had a massive row and I called her a ***** and said we were over.
We made up, but things haven't been right. We haven't had sex - we've tried but it never works. Last week she said she needed space to think, so I gave her it. Yesterday she told me we're over. She says she loves me and cares for me but she doesn't think she loves me like she should. She says she wants me as a friend, and I'll always be a part of her life. She says she's never had independence and she wants some now. She says there is no one else, and I believe her.
I told her if this what she wants, fine, I'll move out. She says I don't have to move out, this is my home, too, and she won't force me out of it. She says I should stay until Christmas, at least, for the kids. She says I'll have joint custody of the kids, whenever I want them. She says she isn't 100% sure if she doesn't love me, but she is 100% sure she doesn't want me that way.
She cried all day yesterday. So did I, but not in front of her. When she is around, I'm fine. We slept beside each other last night (no sex) and cuddled all night. I asked her today if I could kiss her, and she kissed me.
I don't know what to do. She's the other half of my soul. I can't even imagine life without her. I know I've taken her for granted this year, but this has shook me up and I know I don't want to lose her.
And I know there's no one else. Honestly, I think she's bored. She's started talking about going to college next year and so on. I don't know what to do. Surely, if she isn't sure, then she might still love me? It wasn't long ago we were all over each other, and she says she doesn't know how long she has felt this way. I'm acting like I'm fine with it, but I feel dead inside.
Re: My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should
What makes you say this? I mean, wouldn't she be asking me to leave if she had? I honestly think if she had, she would tell me. She has said it would be easier if she had because she would have a reason. How do I know if she's met someone else?
Re: My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should
You could be right, but I strongly don't think you are. You're not here, living through this. Things she has said, done, make me think there is no one else. I think it's more boredom and having never really been single she feels she missed out.
I may be way off, but I don't think I am. Thanks for your attempt to help, Niall, but I am sure there is no one else.
There was one time, seven years ago, when she was pregnant with our first. We split up, she started seeing someone, they split up and I moved in with her. We stayed together, but not together, for a while with everyone thinking we were a couple, and then we got back together again.
But she told me as soon as there was someone else in the picture, and I have no reason to believe this wouldn't be the case now. And she knows if there was someone else then I'd just walk away. I just want her to be happy, so she has no reason not to tell me.
Re: My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should
I hope I am wrong but I had the same talk from my wife, wanted me to have the home, equal access to our child, etc. I also had the I'm attractive, got lots of things going for me an wont have trouble meeting someone else. Said she cared about me deeply but said she just needed some space.
This is just compensation talk for her guilt. Sex was also pretty hot before the EA (emotional affair) was exposed. Oh yeah and she was going out a lot to the pub with her new friends. It was only later that one of those friends had been the guy she then slept with a couple months later. She may not be physically involved with another guy (yet) but people don't just fall out of love. You said she wanted to send the pics off to someone else. So she is comfortable enough with another guy to show intimate pictures but yet you dont think she has feelings for another guy??
Re: My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should
Yeah, I get that. This is making me feel so ****ty. It may have been an emotional affair. But I don't think they would come to anything - he's engaged and his fiance just had a baby. He's got another kid he never sees, and I don't think he would risk leaving her.
Thank you for the advice. I've had the I'm handsome. I've just reconnected with an old flame and we're going for coffee and my wife has admitted to jealousy.
I had an emotional affair years ago. I choose to stay. Maybe she will choose me, too?
I'm so ****ed up right now.
Apologies for the language. I'm not in a good head space.
My wife says she doesn't think she loves me like she should 
