If he want a Divorce/Separate shouldn't he file?

lady323 · 11-17-2010, 06:25 PM

New to this site but figured I would ask advice.

Where do I start? I love my husband but I don't think he loves me anymore.

He came with me on my business trip and I thought we had a nice time until I asked him about a phone call. He was talking to one of his "female" friends about an investment so after he was done I asked what was he investing in. He didn't answer but then I asked again and he said it doesn't concern me. I was hurt but then I realize it didn't concern me as I believe it was his female friend that was investing. Nevertheless, we do have our own accounts. Granted he doesn't work and I pay for just about everything as far as the day-to-day expense.

I just feel that he shows no respect to me anymore. He has always been aloof and doesn't give me full details of what he does and when I do ask it feels like I'm prying. I even went so far as to to through his files and he got pissed and I think he lost all respect from me at that time. When I explained to him that I feel he's evasive he got pissed about that and said all I have to do is ask him and when I say I do but he still doesn't give me details and didn't say anything

There was a time when I would kiss him goodbye whenever I left the house and he thought that was foolish. Same thing when he would go away I would leave love notes in his luggage or pockets and he thought that was stupid. When I travel I leave my itinerary and we he travels he doesn't tell me where he's staying. He just lets me know his flights. Maybe we are too different....

We are an older couple. I'm 50 and he's 53. We have been married for 4 years and this is my first marriage and his third. He's been saying I really don't know him but when I ask why he says that his reply is "It doesn't Matter". We have tried counseling but he didn't like the counselor and was saying he was a counselor and going was a waste of time. So after 2 times we didn't go anymore.

Nevertheless, I still love him and think he's worth fighting for but I feel if he wants to leave, he should be the one filing for divorce.

Maybe I just need a reality check in need to realize he's checked out of this marriage.

F-102 · 11-18-2010, 07:37 AM

Has he talked about divorce? If not, I think he likes the status quo, and will never leave.

greeneyeddolphin · 11-18-2010, 07:49 AM

He's had 2 wives before you...I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say he's the problem.

The differences in terms of how you deal with travel and all that...those are things that really could be worked out and compromised on. Him telling you that you don't really know him and then saying it doesn't matter when you try to find out more tells me he's trying to manipulate you. He's trying to make you feel guilty and make you feel like the problem is you.

If he hasn't said he wants a divorce, then he probably doesn't. Why would he? He's got you, paying for everything and he can try to guilt you and make you feel bad so that he doesn't have to worry about you leaving.

The question isn't whether he should file if he wants a divorce. The question is what do you want? From what you say here, I get the feeling that you aren't all that happy. If you're not happy, then it doesn't really matter what he wants or what he should do. It matters what you want and what you should do to get what you want.