photojane

We met 10 years ago. Dated for 6 years. Talked about how neither of us wanted kids. Got married in 2006.

We've been having a rough patch but are seeing a therapist and things had been going well. Last Tuesday, he is distant and says that he needs a break and our personalities may be "too different".

On Wednesday night he came back, super apologetic, taking responsibility for a lot of our communication issues and interested in private therapy to better himself.

So 2 days go by and things are good. I am SO happy he is back and we cant get back to making our marriage work.

Well last night in an effort to communicate better, he tells me that he now wants kids. I am horrified. I never expected this happen to me. I would rather die than have kids. I am sure.

We talk, I cry, he apologizes. He says he knows that we cant have kids now anyways (we are financially not doing well at all) but that he cant be sure what he will decide in the future.

I feel that my options are:

1- stay with him and realize that he will probably grow to resent me
2- stay with him until he decides to leave for someone willing to have kids
3- leave him now

All three options sound horrible. I love him. I want to be married to him. Happily and not have to live a life of worry and blame.

What do I do?

NRG

What is you'lls ages?
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photojane

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photojane

I'm 31 and he's 35
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NRG

it happens, am 35, and have wanted kids for the past two years, after not wanting them for the longest time. If I was you, I would weigh your options by looking down the road 5 years from now. See if that changes your perspective.
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greeneyeddolphin

Why are you so opposed to having kids? Understand, I am not criticizing you or saying you're wrong. But you need to figure out if your reason for not having kids is something that really matters in the big picture or if it's something that could be dealt with. For example, if you don't want kids because you don't want to change diapers, maybe you and hubby could agree he'll handle all the diapers and you'll handle the feeding.

If, however, your reason is a much bigger reason and one that there is no compromise on, no ability to get past or no desire to get past, then you have to accept that you two want very different things and therefore staying together would not be fair to either of you.

I know you love him and you want to be with him. Part of love, though, true love is that you want the other person to be happy...even if it's not with you. And if you really, honestly, without a doubt believe that you don't want kids and will never want kids, and he really, honestly, without a doubt believes that he does want kids, then the right thing to do is set each other free. And to do it before the resentment builds to ruin the good memories of each other that you do have.

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Wendy

www.wendymillerwrites.com