Really unhappy..

Mejane_83 · 08-12-2008, 05:22 PM

Another boo hoo poor me post..

But I need to know what you think.

To give you some background I've been with my husband almost 7 years and married for 3. We have 2 children together, 1 who is 5 another who is 14 months old.

When I met my husband I was 18 and he was 21. We were both in our party stage. He took my virginity and after about a year and a half I ended up getting pregnant and so we moved in together and 2 years later got married.

In the past 3 years we've been married, he's lied countless times, he's gotten 2 DUIs, as well as made out and received oral pleasure from some woman he met at a bar when he was wasted. I was 8 months pregnant at the time. I won't bore you with how I figured out but he's admitted to it and I really feel like I'm at my wit's end.

Obviously I love him because I'm still with him but I don't feel like I can take it much longer. I've always been there for him, been a good mother and I work full time. I do my part so why does he keep turning around and pulling my heart out of my chest?

I've considered an affair but really I don't have the nerve to do it. Plus I have more respect out of my VOWS and myself. OH and I don't have a clue of when I would have time for one anyway considering I work full time and am a mommy to 2 boys.

Since the whole mess up where he screwed around on me he's turned over a new leaf. He had his license suspended shortly after for his 2nd DUI. Since then he doesn't go out, helps around the house and is generally a good husband and father. The problem is he waited a year and a half to tell me that he received oral pleasure from this woman instead of just making out (a friend of mine caught him making out with her at the bar and it got back to me). He could have brought me an STD and I would have no idea. Now I have to get tested. How embarassing.

What are your opinions? Right now I'm waiting to see if he starts up the BS again when he gets his license. Honestly I don't know if I can ever feel the same about him.

draconis · 08-12-2008, 11:47 PM

It sounds like you need to up your communications with him and set boundries of what you expect from him for the marriage to continue. Further it is not unreasonable to expect him to live transparently for a while since trust is an issue here and he needs to prove to you that he can be trusted again.

draconis

swedish · 08-13-2008, 03:25 PM

To me, 2 DUIs and the infidelity are 3 instances you know of where alcohol is causing serious problems within your family. I think you have every right to discuss this openly with him and tell him what your boundaries are in this regard. It's time for him to really look at how this has affected you and your children and make a serious decision whether he's willing to do something about it and change for the better.