we are trying, but i am not sure, pt. 2

rysmomma · 08-13-2008, 11:03 PM

thanks everyone. well, here is to rundown of today. i know i mentioned that my husband and i are not under the same roof. well, a buddy of his was down and he decided to stay the nite with him (rediculous, i know). well, they ended up staying up till 9 this morning and i didn't even get a phone call from my husband till after 4 pm. which is also the time he woke up today!!!! well, it just so happened that right before he called, my babysitter said that she was not going to make it to watch the baby till a little after 5 (we start at 5) while i was at the gym. she is also my cousin, and my personal trainer is her boyfriend, so she stays at the gym with us. well, i asked him if he could meet me at the gym to watch the baby tonight, and he was hesitant at first, and said he needed a shower. so, i said it only takes 1 1/2 hours total (i tan also). so, i met him there, and he barely watched the baby. at first, he sat there with him in his lap with a wierd look on his face. then, about 20 minutes into our workout, my cousin showed up, well he thought he was off the hook, but she told him she had to leave in about 20 minutes. so, while she was there, he put the baby on the floor (he crawls straight to me everytime), then started hitting the punching bag and wasn't even paying attention to the baby. we all had to tell him to get the baby at least 10 times. well, then after we were done, i told him that he had to watch the baby while i was in the tanning bed, he said that he wanted to get to his friends house so that he could hang out, and i put my foot down and said that he could as soon as i was done. he asked my cousin too, and she said no because she was leaving right then. so, i went in the tanning bed, and i got out 4 minutes early (usually takes 20 minutes). well, my husband and son were nowhere and on top of it he took my bag (w/phone and keys in it). all he left was my shoes. so, i was freaking out, i ran see if his car was outside, NOPE, i looked in my car, NO CAR SEAT. luckly, my cousins b/f was still there, i called my husband and whooo, he was just at the gas station. well, he got back 5 minutes later, and i was crying, and he started laughing, then he said you okay, didn't even hug me, put the baby in the car seat and kissed me and started to leave. i talked to him a little about how he is so ready to leave and go hang out with friends, but didn't even want to be with us at all (not even to go to dinner or anything). we talked about a bunch of stuff, then he mentioned that it was my fault he hadn't gotten a shower and, i just told him that he shoulda got up before 4 today. then, he threw it on me that it was last minute that he HAD to watch the baby. i didn't know what to say, so i calmly ended the conversation. well, he leaned over to kiss me and said i love you. I HAD TO CLOSE MY EYES TO TELL HIM I LOVED HIM BACK. and sadly, i don't feel like i ment it. i know that he left to try to change, but he isn't trying, ahhhh this is so frustrating. i don't know what to do. he is hanging out with his friends every nite, and our marriage is hanging on a thread, what do i do????

draconis · 08-14-2008, 01:56 AM

Well it is one reason I feel seperations rarely work. I think you need to set boundries to what you expect from him as a husband and father, because he isn't showing much effort either way. It seems he is using this more as a vacation then a way to repair the relationship.

draconis

rysmomma · 08-14-2008, 02:33 PM

I agree. he is with us today, surprisingly he is holding the baby right now, while he is sleeping. and we went out to lunch with my best friend of 15 years and her husband and he even offered to pay. it was sweet. i think he will change, it will just take a lot of time. i feel when we are apart that things aren't going to work, especially when he doesn't call me and he stays up all nite playing games and stuff. but, when i see even a little effort, i feel things can work. i told him today that i am getting bitter with him being gone, and i don't know how to stop that. does separation ever work?? or will it make things worse, i am so confused.

draconis · 08-14-2008, 03:08 PM

Seperation is a last ditch effort in order to force the parties to see how much they miss each other. It can and sometimes does work, but it isn't that often bcause you are not working on the problems but rather hoping they reveil themselves.

draconis