Started running around. Complicates things.

jmule · 08-17-2008, 01:23 PM

Hello all,

I have been married for almost 3 years. I have wanted out for almost 2 of those three. My wife is a very bitter, controlling, angry, and downright disrespectful person to me. We've tried marriage counseling, but she refuses to go back. In fact, I want out so bad now, that the thought really makes me happy. What doesn't make me happy is that I have to separate from my daughter (2-years old) and my stepdaughter (5 1/2 years old). I live in a state where it is very hard for a man to get main custody of a child, regardless of how unfit a woman is. Not that my wife is unfit as a mother. She is very good, but just not a good wife, at least for me. So, after my stepdaughter starts school, I plan to have a talk with her and I will move out.

The second part of this, is that I've been having an affair with (get this) the 18 year old granddaughter of my boss, unbeknown to him of course. I am 37. I don't want judgmental comments on this, but regardless of our age difference I have really fallen for her. She is the most sweet and tender girl I've know in forever. As far as it making things difficult on my marriage break up, at this point I am not caring. I want to be with this young lady. She makes me feel wonderful. I'm not really that worried about my wife finding out. I would rather her not, but if she did, I would pay whatever consequences to still be with this lady. I'm not proud of running around, but I was seeking a happier companionship. I have gotten tired of being emotionally beat down for my wife's own unhappiness. I wasn't seeking a person to run around with. This thing just sort of happened. I know what kinds of thoughts I'm going to get on this, but I just felt like writing this out. I feel fantastic when I think about her. And feel like crap basically when I think about being with my wife. Thoughts on this are appreciated and I certainly will take them into consideration. Thank you.

827Aug · 08-17-2008, 06:24 PM

Your post could have been written by my husband. I see many similarities. With that being said, I'll answer your post from another angle.

First, you really need to get rid of the girlfriend or get a divorce. This situation isn't fair to three people--you, your wife, or your mistress. Of course, the girlfriend makes you feel great. The relationship with her is still in the "in love" stage. You only see how perfect each other are at this point. She probably makes you feel 10 years younger too. How long have you been seeing her? From the way you are describing the relationship, I'd say this relationship can't be over one year. It's probably not going to feel this way in 18 months.

You wife hasn't been getting any attention because you've been busy with this other lady. She probably suspects you're cheating. You have no time for your family and you are letting things slide. With my husband, he had no time for our family, didn't care about our bussiness and spent piles of money (which he couldn't account for). You better believe I became one angry person. Could this be what's going on with your wife?

Although your wife won't go to counseling, you can go alone. I'm sure you'll benefit from it. My husband and I tried couple's counseling and just didn't accomplish anything. He continued going to that counselor and I found myself another counselor. That has actually made a lot more progress. We now know he's got issues which he's working on. Before counseling, he said he had no issues and everything was my fault. I'm also working on my anger. Although we are still separated, we are becoming happier people.

draconis · 08-17-2008, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 827Aug

Your post could have been written by my husband. I see many similarities. With that being said, I'll answer your post from another angle.

First, you really need to get rid of the girlfriend or get a divorce. This situation isn't fair to three people--you, your wife, or your mistress. Of course, the girlfriend makes you feel great. The relationship with her is still in the "in love" stage. You only see how perfect each other are at this point. She probably makes you feel 10 years younger too. How long have you been seeing her? From the way you are describing the relationship, I'd say this relationship can't be over one year. It's probably not going to feel this way in 18 months.

You wife hasn't been getting any attention because you've been busy with this other lady. She probably suspects you're cheating. You have no time for your family and you are letting things slide. With my husband, he had no time for our family, didn't care about our bussiness and spent piles of money (which he couldn't account for). You better believe I became one angry person. Could this be what's going on with your wife?

Although your wife won't go to counseling, you can go alone. I'm sure you'll benefit from it. My husband tried couple's counseling and just didn't accomplish anything. He continued going to that counselor and I found myself another counselor. That has actually made a lot more progress. We now know he's got issues which he's working on. Before counseling, he said he had no issues and everything was my fault. I'm also working on my anger. Although we are still separated, we are becoming happier people.

She said it nicer then I could have.

draconis

ljtseng · 08-18-2008, 12:21 AM

A girl who is 18 that is sleeping with a married man that is 37, and has very little life experience sounds off all kinds of twisted issues...have fun with that one

jmule · 08-18-2008, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 827Aug

Your post could have been written by my husband. I see many similarities. With that being said, I'll answer your post from another angle.

First, you really need to get rid of the girlfriend or get a divorce. This situation isn't fair to three people--you, your wife, or your mistress. Of course, the girlfriend makes you feel great. The relationship with her is still in the "in love" stage. You only see how perfect each other are at this point. She probably makes you feel 10 years younger too. How long have you been seeing her? From the way you are describing the relationship, I'd say this relationship can't be over one year. It's probably not going to feel this way in 18 months.

You wife hasn't been getting any attention because you've been busy with this other lady. She probably suspects you're cheating. You have no time for your family and you are letting things slide. With my husband, he had no time for our family, didn't care about our bussiness and spent piles of money (which he couldn't account for). You better believe I became one angry person. Could this be what's going on with your wife?

Although your wife won't go to counseling, you can go alone. I'm sure you'll benefit from it. My husband and I tried couple's counseling and just didn't accomplish anything. He continued going to that counselor and I found myself another counselor. That has actually made a lot more progress. We now know he's got issues which he's working on. Before counseling, he said he had no issues and everything was my fault. I'm also working on my anger. Although we are still separated, we are becoming happier people.

I haven't let it affect my family time or responsabilities any more than my working 6 days a week and driving 180 miles a day two and from work. We see each other a few hours a week. I still do and love to spend time with my kids. They are the reason I have hung in thus far. I haven't been seeing her a long time. Less than two months. I'm glad that you have delt with your issues the way that you have. I don't think that my wife will ever deal with hers. I am working my tail off trying tomake sure that my family is provided for. I have been there 100% emotionally for them. I have been there emotionally for her. All I ask for is the same in return. My wife seems to pride herself on being a "b***h". I think that she thinks if she is like that then no one will hurt her. It seems no matter what I do or how I try to be with her it is met with hostility and anger. She will tell me things like "I don't care" or "I don't want to here it" when I just try to make simple conversation about how my day went or a conversation that I heard. I try to be affectionate, or understanding, which both of those I am. It's not like I am acting or just doing it because I think that's what she wants. If I am in a good mood, sometimes I will sing or goof around. She tells me to stop singing or stop being nice or stop goofing around. I'm tired of anger being the onlyemotion that she shows me. I'm tired of her pointing out every flaw that I have and making it out like I'm completely incompitent. I'm tired of her talking down to me like I am not a person. I'm just plain tired.

justean · 08-18-2008, 11:00 AM

[quote=827Aug;13880]Your post could have been written by my husband. I see many similarities. With that being said, I'll answer your post from another angle.

First, you really need to get rid of the girlfriend or get a divorce. This situation isn't fair to three people--you, your wife, or your mistress. Of course, the girlfriend makes you feel great. The relationship with her is still in the "in love" stage. You only see how perfect each other are at this point. She probably makes you feel 10 years younger too. How long have you been seeing her? From the way you are describing the relationship, I'd say this relationship can't be over one year. It's probably not going to feel this way in 18 months.

with this part of the above quote. it does really make sense and its fact.
if you feel the way you do. just leave.
ok not easy in the sense of children.
but you wil have to make arrangements for that. no matter which way you go- its sounds like you wifes unrational behaviour will not let you have an easy ride n e way.

jmule · 08-19-2008, 03:50 PM

I am leaving weather or not I am running around on her. I'm actually doing it after my stepdaughter starts school. I can't deal with her anymore.

Amplexor · 08-19-2008, 06:04 PM

My personal opinion is that people should end one relationship before they start another. The affair with the young lady has probably served to pull you further from your wife. Based on your description of your wife I would agree it is not a happy marriage and if she refuses counsel you should move on. The fact that you are a married man carrying on with your boss's 18 year old grand daughter would indicate to me that you’ll be seeking a new career in the near future also.

draconis · 08-21-2008, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amplexor

My personal opinion is that people should end one relationship before they start another. The affair with the young lady has probably served to pull you further from your wife. Based on your description of your wife I would agree it is not a happy marriage and if she refuses counsel you should move on. The fact that you are a married man carrying on with your boss's 18 year old grand daughter would indicate to me that you’ll be seeking a new career in the near future also.

draconis

jmule · 08-31-2008, 10:55 AM

Well, I'm moving out the end of September. It's over. I'm sure I have a long hard road, that I'm sure she will make as difficult as possible to travel. But, I already feel better, but kind of sad at the same time that things didn't work out.

MarkTwain · 09-06-2008, 06:14 AM

Did you give her an ultimatum, or are you just walking out the door without an explanation? does she know your intentions?

jmule · 09-12-2008, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkTwain

Did you give her an ultimatum, or are you just walking out the door without an explanation? does she know your intentions?

I'm beyond that point and I've tried that. It seems to majke it worse like she's sayin, "Now I'm really going to be a b***h!!!" I'm actually leaving next month, because I need to get money squred away, but I'm done.

But the bad part is this. I feel like crap right now. Really like crap. Yesterday I had sex with my wife, like right after having sex with the girl I'm seeing. I didn't want to. I should have said I was just tired. Why did I do that? I really feel like a sleazy *******. I mean. I thought if I did say no, that she would wonder what's going on. She was already suspicious earlier, because I came home late. And then she was nice and I was nice and then it was like she was hugging and kissing me. I really feel like a low life right now. I mean. There are guys that do this and don't have remorse, but I do. Even though I have fallen out of love with my wife, I still don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anybody. I wish I were dead right now.

draconis · 09-12-2008, 05:30 PM

It sounds like your wife senses something and is trying to win you back, to no avail.

draconis

jmule · 09-16-2008, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

It sounds like your wife senses something and is trying to win you back, to no avail.

draconis

I don't know. Maybe. All I know is that I'm out.

MarkTwain · 09-16-2008, 09:59 AM

So, does she know your are leaving in a few days?