How do you know if you should let go?

blyjette · 08-18-2008, 11:30 PM

I posted something previosuly here and got a few decent things out of it.... but I'm back again. I have talked to my husband about getting a job, nothing... My mom has talked to him about getting a job, nothing. We don't attend a church at the moment so having someone from a church talk to him is hard. We moved 300 miles away from most of his family last summer and we are currently living with my parents. I have thought about a trial seperation but I'm not sure how to go about this, seeing as he has no one to stay with down here and he doesn't drive. I have thought about asking him to call his parents and see if someone could come and get him for a time being. When we lived up north, he couldn't get a job but now that we are down here, he says that he could get a job up there. I just don't know what to do... I'm at my wits-end.

I started college today and I asked him to watch the kids so that I could study, but he was more interested in the TV or other things. He DOES do some things around the house, he'll fix things and such, like a handy man. In the last year he's done the dishes, laundry, and other household chores once or twice I do believe. He is a hypocontradct (spelled wrong, sorry) and a liar... I don't think he always lies on purpose, he had done lots of drugs in the past so I think that's why.

I think the kids and I COULD be better off without him, unless HE wants to change... Has anyone been in a simular situation or known someone who has? What did they do??

draconis · 08-20-2008, 12:38 AM

I think you need to make the decision for yourself if you can be better off without him. It seems like he will not change. Can you stand to be with an unemployed drug user your whole life? What will that do for the kids?

draconis

Farfignewton · 08-25-2008, 10:46 AM

Oh yes, I have been where you are. I was the mother/father/breadwinner/etc. and ran myself ragged while my ex-husband sat his butt at home and watched cable. He would work off and on for a couple of months at a time, but he was always spending just as much as he made. Mine became abusive and that is what was the deciding factor for me, BUT if he had not, then I would have eventually left anyway. The abusive streak just provoked the inevitable into gear.

I have an Aunt whose husband is the same way and they have been together for over thirty years now and guess what? She doesn't have pot to **** in or a window to throw it out of thanks to his perpetual laziness and he is NOT a drug addict. Some people just have zero ambition. While he has pursued his music career for the past thirty years, she has been working her butt off in order to support him, herself and their four children. She has told me that she regrets marrying and staying with him for so many years, but now the damage is done so she stays.

I would not want to live like that. Do you? It takes two contributing to get anywhere in this world and you would not be a bad mother for leaving him. You would actually be a better mother because you don't want your kids to grow up thinking that being lazy is ok. Teaching them to become independent, productive members of society is your number one priority as a mother.