Ok, here's my situation......I think it's similar to many others but my story will have it's own variances. Any help/guidance and suggestions are what I'm hoping for.
Background: I've been with my wife for 15 years, married for 10. We have two children 8 and 6. We get along great, have never really had any issues, big fights or anything of the sort. We are best friends...our families get along etc. (You know, the perfect marriage).
About 3.5 months ago my wife's affair entered our life. It's been a devastating experience, this is both an emotional and physical affair. Since finding out about it in the middle of October, she's been "flip-flopping" in her mind and can't seem to break the addiction of the affair. She's in love with him.
I've been given the standard line we all know that comes with affairs, "I love you, but i'm not in love with you". After going to back to him 3 times behind my back after the affair was exposed, I'm 95% certain the affair is done. She's devastated and depressed.
As if the affair is not enough, my wife is also going through major changes and is finally deciding to "grow up". We met when she was 18 and she's never had a career and has been a stay at home mom. She has recently told me that she's actually felt the "i love you, but i'm not in love with you" feeling about me for many years before the affair and that she was living a life and being a dutiful wife. She sees me more of a "parent" than a spouse. She sees me as someone who has given her a life that she hasn't really built for herself. She is now truly working on herself, her confidence and independence.
We're at a point where we're finally just about to start marriage counselling in 2 days. The problem i'm facing, is that I'm going to with "both feet in" to do whatever it takes to work on our marriage. My wife, however, is still on the fence. She is going to marriage counselling to help her decide if she wants to work on our marriage or if she wants to go out on her own and establish herself in the world.
She says she'd like our marriage to work, but has doubts that the "in love" can come back. She'd like it to, but just doesn't know how that is possible. Her heart is still with the "other man" (who is also married) and is committed to his relationship. She just doesn't see how her heart can undo that and then focus on me.
I keep telling myself that this is possible over time and if we truly work at it, we may have a shot. Am I kidding myself here? I really love my wife and want our marriage to work more than anything, but I also want to be realistic and not waste time and be taken advantage of.
This is gut wrenching for me, living in the same home with her sleeping in our basement apartment. She comes up to help with the kids and we still really get along.
Any suggestions or advice?
Background: I've been with my wife for 15 years, married for 10. We have two children 8 and 6. We get along great, have never really had any issues, big fights or anything of the sort. We are best friends...our families get along etc. (You know, the perfect marriage).
About 3.5 months ago my wife's affair entered our life. It's been a devastating experience, this is both an emotional and physical affair. Since finding out about it in the middle of October, she's been "flip-flopping" in her mind and can't seem to break the addiction of the affair. She's in love with him.
I've been given the standard line we all know that comes with affairs, "I love you, but i'm not in love with you". After going to back to him 3 times behind my back after the affair was exposed, I'm 95% certain the affair is done. She's devastated and depressed.
As if the affair is not enough, my wife is also going through major changes and is finally deciding to "grow up". We met when she was 18 and she's never had a career and has been a stay at home mom. She has recently told me that she's actually felt the "i love you, but i'm not in love with you" feeling about me for many years before the affair and that she was living a life and being a dutiful wife. She sees me more of a "parent" than a spouse. She sees me as someone who has given her a life that she hasn't really built for herself. She is now truly working on herself, her confidence and independence.
We're at a point where we're finally just about to start marriage counselling in 2 days. The problem i'm facing, is that I'm going to with "both feet in" to do whatever it takes to work on our marriage. My wife, however, is still on the fence. She is going to marriage counselling to help her decide if she wants to work on our marriage or if she wants to go out on her own and establish herself in the world.
She says she'd like our marriage to work, but has doubts that the "in love" can come back. She'd like it to, but just doesn't know how that is possible. Her heart is still with the "other man" (who is also married) and is committed to his relationship. She just doesn't see how her heart can undo that and then focus on me.
I keep telling myself that this is possible over time and if we truly work at it, we may have a shot. Am I kidding myself here? I really love my wife and want our marriage to work more than anything, but I also want to be realistic and not waste time and be taken advantage of.
This is gut wrenching for me, living in the same home with her sleeping in our basement apartment. She comes up to help with the kids and we still really get along.
Any suggestions or advice?