Controlled.....Wandering what to do

fireguy001 · 01-22-2011, 08:29 PM

My wife and myself are both 25 years old. Been married almost two years with no kids. Just confused about what to do.....

Here is a little backstory. My wife has Obbsesive/compulsive disorder. Not so bad that she can't survive in a normal world, but bad enough to where I can't live up to her standards.

Along with that OCD, she has extreme control issues that stem from the disorder and a not-normal childhood. I didn't know about much of this history until we were engaged. It has gotten progressively worse since marriage. It is to the point now to where my name isn't even on the checking account, I don't have a debit or credit card, and I am the one working three jobs.

She doesn't want me to do anything without her besides working because she can't control what I do when I'm not around her. It's sad but I look forward to the days that I have off and she works.

I have tried multiple times to approach her about this and about going to counseling, but she will have nothing to do with it. Even bringing up the subject with her puts everything on edge.
I am in therapy now for some depression issues and she can't stand that.

I can't help but wander how things would be if I were single again. It's so difficult because I can't talk to her without a fight, but I don't want to just serve her with divorce papers.

Any comments I would love to hear them! Thanks

MEM11363 · 01-22-2011, 09:10 PM

Why did she take away your credit/debit cards and access to money? Did you spend money inappropriately?

Quote:

Originally Posted by fireguy001

My wife and myself are both 25 years old. Been married almost two years with no kids. Just confused about what to do.....

Here is a little backstory. My wife has Obbsesive/compulsive disorder. Not so bad that she can't survive in a normal world, but bad enough to where I can't live up to her standards.

Along with that OCD, she has extreme control issues that stem from the disorder and a not-normal childhood. I didn't know about much of this history until we were engaged. It has gotten progressively worse since marriage. It is to the point now to where my name isn't even on the checking account, I don't have a debit or credit card, and I am the one working three jobs.

She doesn't want me to do anything without her besides working because she can't control what I do when I'm not around her. It's sad but I look forward to the days that I have off and she works.

I have tried multiple times to approach her about this and about going to counseling, but she will have nothing to do with it. Even bringing up the subject with her puts everything on edge.
I am in therapy now for some depression issues and she can't stand that.

I can't help but wander how things would be if I were single again. It's so difficult because I can't talk to her without a fight, but I don't want to just serve her with divorce papers.

Any comments I would love to hear them! Thanks

fireguy001 · 01-22-2011, 09:19 PM

We decided that her account was the only one we would keep becuase she pays the bills (My mistake), but now she won't add me to the account or give me access to money because I believe that would be another control issue for her

MEM11363 · 01-22-2011, 09:28 PM

She could be hiding every dollar you earn. NO man or woman should allow their partner that level of control.

I would tell her if she didn't add me immediately I was going to file. And then I would follow through.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fireguy001

We decided that her account was the only one we would keep becuase she pays the bills (My mistake), but now she won't add me to the account or give me access to money because I believe that would be another control issue for her

HuntersNana · 01-23-2011, 04:18 PM

She controls you because you ALLOW her to! You say you are the one working 3 jobs? Well take control yourself! If you are working 3 jobs, GET YOUR OWN checking account! Get your own debit card/credit card. You can have YOUR paycheck(s) direct deposited into YOUR OWN checking account of your choice!! She isn't interested in counseling? Don't let that stop you from continuing!! I wish you alot of luck. People will treat us however WE allow them to. Noone deserves to be treated like that, not even you.