Confused-Wife

Today my counselor told me that only 15% of spouses that seek counseling continue on to succeed in their marriage.

15%

That means that 85% of marriages aren't helped by counseling.

The reason: People wait until the very last possible second to seek counseling. They use it as a last ditch effort to save things. They wait until it's too late and things are too far gone.

I wonder if this will convince some of you to get help sooner.

gregj123

I should have went last year now its too late!

HoopsFan

I think some couples' personalities lend to counseling success (e.g., they just need someone to keep them in the same room to have a civil conversation). It seems to be more art than science, so I think effective marriage counselors are outnumbered by mediocre ones.

Confused-Wife

Totally agree! We went to counseling and ended up with a sucky counselor.

First session: Started 15 minutes late, ended 10 minutes early. Recommended for us to read two books.

Second session: Started 5 minutes early, but still ended 15 minutes early. Told us that we seemed to have it worked out on our own and that we didn't need to come back for at least a month. No help at all.

Now my husband doesn't see a reason to go back to see a different couselor. What a failed attempt!

Amplexor

Part of the 15% here and we only went when we were in a full blown nose dive. (I'd checked out of the marriage and she'd checked into an EA) It did help some but was only part of the answer. The counselor took us as far as she could then we decided we knew what we needed to do from there. Full recovery took about 3 years start to finish from D-Day. All well worth it. I think the time and money invested by couples in counseling is well worth it.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

DanF

Another of the 15% here. Our marriage had turned to crap. We both had an EA/PA and were stuck. We knew that we loved each other, but didn't know what was broken or how to fix it.
We got an awesome counselor, saw her only as individuals, never as a couple, and just learned things about ourselves and each other. We started to talk a LOT and that is what did it.

michzz

I am not so sure I accept that 15% figure as gospel truth.

In what time frame?

Who decides the success or failure?

Shared goals?

Individual goals?

Length of marriage?

Seriousness of grievances?

Intrusion of booze or drug addictions?

Mental illness?

See what I mean?
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HoopsFan

Not to mention that for some couples, they probably shouldn't be together and maybe counseling helped in that it pushed them towards an appropriate divorce.

Regardless, I think the OP was just trying to urge people to not wait too long to go to marriage counseling. My wife had a fear of marriage counseling though because she just views it as a gateway for divorce. The counselor enabled her (in my opinion) and allowed her to barely participate at all for the first few visits because "she was doing enough just to be willing to go." Baloney!

Confused-Wife

Very true! Very good points!