Frustrated, Annoyed, on and on...What should we do?

fiducia · 08-27-2008, 04:24 PM

I've only been married for about 2.5 years and we had a baby last April --- I thought at first that the problems we started having were just normal changes every marriage goes through when trying to adjust to the new married with baby life. Now here I am after so many fights and well over a year of feeling detached and I'm completely depressed thinking that this is going to be it for as long as we are together. There is no infidelity going on so its not that. My Husband always wants to be intimate but I have lost all interest. I feel like we don't even like eachother so how could we love eachother. We fight about silly things and it seems to keep repeating itself. I can't even remember anymore when we were happy and "in love" I've brought up marriage counseling but he won't go (he seems to think he's all the counseling we need - one of the problems is he constatly tells me what I think, feel and how to fix things) I'm going to marriage counseling on my own starting next week - I'm not sure what I'm looking for on this forum I guess I just thought maybe if I spoke to some people in the same situation or have gone through the same thing - maybe we can also work things out and be happy again. However, at this point all I think about is just calling it quits and moving on. I don't want to let go that easily but I really don't know how to feel that feeling anymore.

Amplexor · 08-27-2008, 04:42 PM

Good for you for seeking counsel on you own. That is a great step forward. It is not unusual for couples to have difficulties after a new baby. The first one especially. A common problem is the withdrawal of the husband because many times we feel out of the loop and detached. That happened to me after our first. Also with the new baby you have probably experienced exhaustion and lack of sleep. This will reduce your interest in sex substantially and with the reduction in that your husband has probably stepped up his efforts to initiate sex. This can lead to a difficult cycle for couples. As far as the “in love” feeling goes many experts say that the feeling of euphoria only lasts for 18 – 24 months. Not that you shouldn’t still feel a deep love for your husband but that newly in love feeling isn’t permanent. Opinions very on this. Anyway this will likely take time so two pieces of advice. 1.) Communicate with each other as to what you a looking for in the marriage. Be empathetic and understanding of each other. 2.) Make time for the two of you as a couple. Get a babysitter for time away from the house and take advantage of the baby’s nap times to spend quality time together. Good luck

draconis · 08-27-2008, 10:57 PM

Amp is right on so many levels.

1) It is easy to feel detached that the wife and or baby gets so much attention.

2) It is good that you are going to counciling on your own.

3) Communication is the key, read about any of my posts. The problem is your husband neds to learn how to communicate with you.

4) Having atleast one night a wek to date is important to keep the fires burning.

draconis