Should I do this again??

second time around · 09-03-2008, 03:43 PM

Okay here is my story...I have been married to my second husban for 4 years (next month). Everything was good right after we got married. We started trying to have kids about 6 months after we got married and got pregnant right away!! Unfortunetly we lost that baby to a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. A few weeks after that, my father in law (who is still married to my mother in law) came out that he was gay and it pretty much destroyed my husband. Shortly after that devestating news, I found out that I was pregnant again. That was over three years ago. Since then I have seen sides of my in laws that one should never see. They absolutely hate each other and apparently have for a very long time. My husband grew up with parents that hate each other and I am slowly realizing that our marriage is turning into the same as theirs. (Minus him being gay.) He is angry and treats me like crap even though I have done nothing to him. I have tried to get him to go and talk to someone but he says he doesn't need to. I am about to leave, but we now have a 2 1/2 year old little boy to think about.

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 03:50 PM

Does he know you are about to leave?

second time around · 09-03-2008, 03:52 PM

He tell's me to on a regular basis...

second time around · 09-03-2008, 03:56 PM

And in addition to telling me to leave he controls all of our money which he thinks is only his and that I will have nothing if I do leave. He tells me to "shut up" in front of our 2 year old and my 12 year old daughter. He is just a very angry and hurt person and he takes it out on me...

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 04:01 PM

Perhaps if you grant his wish for a while, he will see what he is missing.

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 04:03 PM

How old are you both?

second time around · 09-03-2008, 04:06 PM

I am 37...he is 34. He has never been married before. I would leave but i am not sure where I would go...

second time around · 09-03-2008, 04:07 PM

and I would not leave with out my kids!!!!!

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 04:17 PM

You need to somehow strengthen your position. If you can't get the resources together to move out, then you need to become a stronger communicator. You may be able to reach out to your husband if only you could understand him. The link below taught me a lot. I realised I did not speak my wife's inner language. She is Audio-Visual, I am Audio-Tactile. Her main mode is visual.

"Ask Dr. Tracy" Love Library

second time around · 09-03-2008, 04:24 PM

Communication on my end doesn't seem to be the problem..He doesn't want to deal with or listen to what I am saying or feeling. His way of dealing is by not dealing with things. and to complicate things more he and his father work together. So he comes home angry every night!!

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 04:45 PM

There is a solution for you, you need to think laterally. Do you get on at all ever or is it a constant battle? Are you still in the same bed etc?

second time around · 09-03-2008, 04:48 PM

We got along well when we got married....but everything changed when his Dad "came out" and his Dad has since moved out of the house and still sees the other guy. His parents are still married. Yes we still sleep in the same bed.

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 04:52 PM

So do you have better days, or is it ALL bad?

second time around · 09-03-2008, 05:10 PM

The majority are quiet because he doesn't talk to me...When he does it is usually degrating and negative. We RARELY have a normal conversation!! I feel as though he is ashamed of me as a wife and he has no respect for me at all...everything I do is wrong. That is a tough microscope to live under!!

MarkTwain · 09-03-2008, 05:34 PM

How come you are still sleeping in the same bed?