I am so bored...I want out! Help!
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-04-2008, 07:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 153
Unhappy I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Last night, I journaled about 3 pages because I was feeling so restless, I didn't know what to do. I can't shake this feeling that something is missing or not right. I know that some will say to take control of my own happiness. I seem to be able to maintain closeness with my husband for a day or two, then I don't want to be around him. I know I'm pushing away, but the desire isn't there.

I thought once I returned to work, this feeling would go away, but it hasn't. I am so distracted by this restless feeling. I am so desperate and needy, but I am not going to my husband to fulfill these needs because I don't want to. Please don't say just to make up my mind and do it. I don't think that will work in this situation. I have committed to working on our marriage for a couple of months, yet one week into it, I am still looking for a way out.

Maybe, the key is to figuring out what's causing the restlessness. I am so bored with my life...I just want to step outside of it. I have a great husband and 2 sweet children, and I know this should make me happy. You might say that sex is the solution to our problem, but I don't feel this way. I think there's more to it than that.

I am a puzzle that is impossible to solve. Will I ever be happy and satisfied with my life? I am trying to return to my prayer life and find the faith to follow through on making my marriage work.
guiltygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-04-2008, 08:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
justean's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: south wales. uk
Posts: 1,249
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

i can honestly say, you are not alone in how u feel. i have had days like you and so has my hubby.
tired of the marriage , tired of eachother, etc etc.
when my hubby and i feel like that. we give eachother more space. a few times hes gone over his mothers. in fact we miss eachother and the heart grows fonder bit.
we court eachother again - communication is better, sex and family life. we dont do it to disrupt our lives, we do it to enhance it.
the times when weve needed space are genuine and not done for the sake of it.
a few years ago i went to spain for a week with sis in law. had a great time, no kids or hubby.
im itching now for something new now, maybe a break away somewhere.
justean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2008, 02:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
draconis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 3,720
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Everyone gets bored of the mundane. For me it was changing hobbies, fr the wife it meant going back to school. Everything in your life will tie into itself and you need all the puzzle pieces to see the big picture.

draconis
__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973
draconis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2008, 02:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 572
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by guiltygirl View Post
Last night, I journaled about 3 pages because I was feeling so restless, I didn't know what to do. I can't shake this feeling that something is missing or not right. I know that some will say to take control of my own happiness. I seem to be able to maintain closeness with my husband for a day or two, then I don't want to be around him. I know I'm pushing away, but the desire isn't there.

I thought once I returned to work, this feeling would go away, but it hasn't. I am so distracted by this restless feeling. I am so desperate and needy, but I am not going to my husband to fulfill these needs because I don't want to. Please don't say just to make up my mind and do it. I don't think that will work in this situation. I have committed to working on our marriage for a couple of months, yet one week into it, I am still looking for a way out.

Maybe, the key is to figuring out what's causing the restlessness. I am so bored with my life...I just want to step outside of it. I have a great husband and 2 sweet children, and I know this should make me happy. You might say that sex is the solution to our problem, but I don't feel this way. I think there's more to it than that.

I am a puzzle that is impossible to solve. Will I ever be happy and satisfied with my life? I am trying to return to my prayer life and find the faith to follow through on making my marriage work.
You can't run away from your problems. You have to know a little of why you are not happy. Do you feel over-worked and unappreciated? Hun, we all do at some point in our lives. Do you feel you don't have enough "YOU" time, because of work and the kids? If so, ask your hubsnad to watch the kids while you go out with the girls somewhere. If it's not enough alone time.. just you and your husband.. see if you can have someone to watch the kids for you, and you go out with your husband somewhere. Have a date night with him, just the two of you.

Last edited by Honey; 09-07-2008 at 04:02 PM.
Honey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2008, 04:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 153
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Justean- I'm sure you're right about the space thing...I'm just not sure how to make it happen. My husband gets offended if I don't want to spend time with him. He never seems to be able to get enough of me. I know this is just how he is...but I am not. I don't hold it against him really, but it's true I do need some space. This is an ongoing issue...something that has been going on for months. This isn't my first post about this situation. It sounds like you "take a break" on a pretty consistent basis. I would love to be able to do this.

I do try to do things for myself away from my family...book club, working out....but my husband makes comments that I don't want to be around him or the kids...jokingly of course, but I don't think he's joking. I know he feels like I don't give him enough attention. This has been a constant in our marriage. Again, I know others have offered suggestions to this before. We have been trying to make a point to have a date night, only recently...maybe this will help. All I know is I go through the day and night feeling like I just want to run away. Work is really crazy right now, but I had plenty of down time in the summer (even though the kids were around) because I'm a teacher.

Honey- to respond to your comment...I'm not really sure why I'm unhappy...I keep thinking it's because I'm not happy with my husband. People have made great suggestions to help with this...maybe I'm just not being proactive enough. Maybe this is my problem, and no one else is to blame....really not sure though.

Draconis-as you know from recent posts, I'm trying to find something to do to lessen this boredom. (the dance thing). I have been extremely tired adjusting to being back at school, so I haven't actively pursued anything else. I know I need to get back to the gym...it's been a couple of weeks. That may help. But, I still have this strong yearning to do SOMETHING. I really don't know what that something is, but I hate feeling this way.
guiltygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2008, 09:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
draconis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 3,720
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Take it slow and don't feel you have to find something right now. It will come to you.

draconis
__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973
draconis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2008, 09:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Im totally going to take up skydiving
And ive always wanted to just hop on a train one day and see where it takes me....
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 07:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 153
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Great idea ljtseng...I'm not quite that daring, but I'll keep trying to think of something. You go for it though! I just get so depressed sometimes with my situation, but I also realize that this could also just be my illness. It takes me on so many ups and downs. I think I'm just looking for something or someone to make me happy when I should be trying to make myself happy. It's nice to be able to come on here and whine occasionally though with little repercussions.
guiltygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 12:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
draconis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 3,720
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

In the end other people can only make you happy for a short time they focus on you. Real happiness is enjoying how you are.

draconis
__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973
draconis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 03:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 153
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

That's a tall order, but I'll try.
guiltygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 06:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: phoenix
Posts: 178
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

We tend to project our own feelings onto others. When were happy we like the people around us. When were unhappy its because of who we are with.

Take responsilbity for your feelings, own up to them. Replacing your husband will not make you feel any different.
brad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 07:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: mountain west
Posts: 2,567
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

brad,
you say:

>>>>We tend to project our own feelings onto others. When were happy we like the people around us. When were unhappy its because of who we are with.

Take responsilbity for your feelings, own up to them. Replacing your husband will not make you feel any different.<<<<

you spoke volumes with those two paragraphs my friend.
__________________
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
voivod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 07:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 153
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

You're probably right, Brad...replacing my husband will probably not make me happier. However, if you look at our history, it seems like we've rarely been happy with one another. I'll take most of the blame for this because of my "crazy" issues. Regardless, I'm not making enough effort to make things better, and I am tired of fighting with him about the same old things. He would be better off without me. I can't seem to keep up my end of the bargain to improve our situation.

My husband doesn't understand why I am so tired all the time and he takes it personally. I don't pay enough attention to him. There are various reasons for this, one of them being that I don't want to be with him sometimes. The fatigue is a normal phase I go through with my illness, not to mention adjusting to my teaching job again. I just want to give up because I don't have the strength or motivation to do what has to be done. It doesn't seem like we can maintain a happy, balanced relationship.

My depression makes me apathetic...I just want to give up on everything. I'm strong enough to keep pushing forward, but I am only putting forth minimal effort. It's the best I can do right now. I am being completely honest.
guiltygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 10:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by guiltygirl View Post
My depression makes me apathetic...I just want to give up on everything. I'm strong enough to keep pushing forward, but I am only putting forth minimal effort. It's the best I can do right now.
I hear ya.
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 11:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: phoenix
Posts: 178
Default Re: I am so bored...I want out! Help!

I notice a lot of negative self talk. Realize that thoughts like this lead to feelings (bad). Start doing things that lead to a higher self worth. Hobbies, interests etc.

And start talking about yourself in a healthier manner.
brad is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can you be bored with sex? Woodchuck Sex in Marriage 7 11-05-2012 01:54 PM
Bored jamjar General Relationship Discussion 3 11-03-2012 12:17 AM
bored tommygirl Sex in Marriage 4 06-11-2010 11:41 AM
God I'm bored madmam The Family & Parenting Forums 8 12-03-2007 08:18 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:46 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage