I've been reading on this forum for quite sometime. I haven't really started a thread about my M situation, so I think it's about that time. It's a long story but I am going to keep it short.
We've been married 4.5 years, been though ups and downs. He had an affair in our second year of M, but we decided to stay together and rebuld our relationahip. The following 2.5 years, he wanted to break up with me 3 times. The 3rd time was in the end of january. 2011. It happened when I was, and am still is, visiting my family outside of US, on the other side of pacific ocean. Each time he wanted to break up, it hurt me even more deeply.
He is a manipulator. He made me believe that we were doing good and were builing our future together. For example, he'd say, "baby let's do/buy this and that. It will be good for US". Then one day he'd checked out of our M over some stupid argument (most of time its about me telling him to drink less).
It's the same argument this time. Well, I didn't think it was an argument. I just asked over the phone if he's been drinking too much since i've been gone. He got really mad and avoided my call for 4 days. Then I had to call his parents to find out if he was okay, because he was supposed to come and meet me in my home town in a few days. That's when his parents told me that he's thinking about breaking up again. Even though he tried to call me after he found out that I spoke to his parents, I decided not to speak to him coz I was so hurt and heartbroken. He emailed me two days before his scheduled flight and told me he's not coming and he'd like to talk to me. I then made a decision that I wanted to end this M once and for all. So I emailed him and told him that he's free and doesn't need to feel being tide down anymore. And we will take care of all this mass when I go home.
We haven't had any contact since end of January. I also found out that he has deleted and blocked me from his MSN and facebook. What kills me is that we were so lovey dovey before he turned into this cold-blood bi*ch. Its like I am the one that did wrong and he's punishing me....
I was supposed to go back on 2/9 but I postponed my flight to 2/26 coz I needed time to calm down and heal a bit. However now I am really worried that the situation might get worse. We are renting a townhome and the lease won't be up for another 8 months. Now I am worried that he's moved out already without telling me. Neither of us is able to afford the townhomw by ourselves. I am worried sick that he's left and expects me to pay the rent by myself.
I don't understand how and why he becomes so cruel to me. The only thing I'd ask of him is respect during the divorce process. If he really moves out without informing me, that would be so so so immature and irresponsible of him.
I will be going back in a week. it's so nerve-wrecking for me. I don't know what to expect. I have tried to work on myself to be strong and started to plan my future without him. But I am still very nervouse about going back to deal with all this mass.
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I'd also like to note about why I decided to end our M. He told me the first time he wanted to break up that he's confused and he wanted to be single. The 2nd time, he still told me he's very confused. I don't even bother to ask him why this time. The answer will be the same. I can't be dragged down by him anymore. I love him so much and I've tried my best to find a common ground for our R to the point that I am sacrificing my happiness, dignity, and self-esteem. He's also having some sort of drinking problem. He may be a functional alcholic. He blames his drinking on me as well, as if I make his life so miserable. I think it's time to leave.
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Though I have found a lawyer and will speak to my lawyer once I go back, I am still extreamly nervous to having to deal with his immaturaity. Please help me. I don't know how to face him when I go back. I don't know what to do if he really moves away without telling me and leave me to pay rent and house expenses all by myself. I am so scared..............
We've been married 4.5 years, been though ups and downs. He had an affair in our second year of M, but we decided to stay together and rebuld our relationahip. The following 2.5 years, he wanted to break up with me 3 times. The 3rd time was in the end of january. 2011. It happened when I was, and am still is, visiting my family outside of US, on the other side of pacific ocean. Each time he wanted to break up, it hurt me even more deeply.
He is a manipulator. He made me believe that we were doing good and were builing our future together. For example, he'd say, "baby let's do/buy this and that. It will be good for US". Then one day he'd checked out of our M over some stupid argument (most of time its about me telling him to drink less).
It's the same argument this time. Well, I didn't think it was an argument. I just asked over the phone if he's been drinking too much since i've been gone. He got really mad and avoided my call for 4 days. Then I had to call his parents to find out if he was okay, because he was supposed to come and meet me in my home town in a few days. That's when his parents told me that he's thinking about breaking up again. Even though he tried to call me after he found out that I spoke to his parents, I decided not to speak to him coz I was so hurt and heartbroken. He emailed me two days before his scheduled flight and told me he's not coming and he'd like to talk to me. I then made a decision that I wanted to end this M once and for all. So I emailed him and told him that he's free and doesn't need to feel being tide down anymore. And we will take care of all this mass when I go home.
We haven't had any contact since end of January. I also found out that he has deleted and blocked me from his MSN and facebook. What kills me is that we were so lovey dovey before he turned into this cold-blood bi*ch. Its like I am the one that did wrong and he's punishing me....
I was supposed to go back on 2/9 but I postponed my flight to 2/26 coz I needed time to calm down and heal a bit. However now I am really worried that the situation might get worse. We are renting a townhome and the lease won't be up for another 8 months. Now I am worried that he's moved out already without telling me. Neither of us is able to afford the townhomw by ourselves. I am worried sick that he's left and expects me to pay the rent by myself.
I don't understand how and why he becomes so cruel to me. The only thing I'd ask of him is respect during the divorce process. If he really moves out without informing me, that would be so so so immature and irresponsible of him.
I will be going back in a week. it's so nerve-wrecking for me. I don't know what to expect. I have tried to work on myself to be strong and started to plan my future without him. But I am still very nervouse about going back to deal with all this mass.
********
I'd also like to note about why I decided to end our M. He told me the first time he wanted to break up that he's confused and he wanted to be single. The 2nd time, he still told me he's very confused. I don't even bother to ask him why this time. The answer will be the same. I can't be dragged down by him anymore. I love him so much and I've tried my best to find a common ground for our R to the point that I am sacrificing my happiness, dignity, and self-esteem. He's also having some sort of drinking problem. He may be a functional alcholic. He blames his drinking on me as well, as if I make his life so miserable. I think it's time to leave.
****************
Though I have found a lawyer and will speak to my lawyer once I go back, I am still extreamly nervous to having to deal with his immaturaity. Please help me. I don't know how to face him when I go back. I don't know what to do if he really moves away without telling me and leave me to pay rent and house expenses all by myself. I am so scared..............