Well, my husband and I decided today that we are going to take a break. I'm going to stay elsewhere for a week and we're going to meet and talk. We're going to take it one week at a time.
I've really been feeling the need for space, so I think this will be beneficial for both of us. My husband suggested this, though I have been considering it for some time. It was a difficult conversation to have....I couldn't stop crying. I hope this helps us. My husband is so supportive and has a positive attitude about our decision. The goal of this is to help us realize how much we really do love each other. I really don't deserve him. I'm going to use this week to reflect...journaling has been suggested. I bought a cute one recently.
My husband said that he hasn't seen that look of love in my eyes for a long time. He's right...I just can't figure out why my feelings changed. I hope I do figure it out...otherwise, I will probably lose a great guy.
I've never been able to live up to his need for attention and sex. I really think this is our biggest issue, as I have said before. This is where I think therapy may be beneficial. I have deep-seeded fears and apprehension...though I have been known to let loose occasionally. It's in me somewhere...I just have to find it again.
Yeah, I thought of the same thing, only I see our situation as a little different. Everybody seems reluctant to respond to my post. What can anyone say, I guess? Thanks for making me laugh!
Well, last night was my first night away from home. It was scary and weird. I don't really know how I feel, but I'm going to stick out at least until Friday. I don't expect it will solve our problems, but at least it will give us a chance to have a break from one another...and a break from fighting.
I took a break from my wife, 1 week out. When I came back instead of telling me she did soul searching she said that she was conditioning herself to be alone. Don't know that it helped either one of us.
Now we are in the same house and different rooms. I would much rather see her, or not. I hate the gray. So on your break here is my advice.
Search with in your self. But don't, if you want to stay with your man, forget about him. Search for why you made it this long. Not why divorce would or wouldn't be good. Keep the happy memories going, thats what keeps me moving.
I agree with hitrockbottom. The only way to be happy with someone elsr is to first be happy with yourself. I was driving home from work a few weeks after the (explitive deleted) hit the fan and said to myself "I am not the same person I used to be and I don't don't even like myself anymore, how could anyone want to be with me" It was at that moment that I decided to quit feeling bad and start making changes for myself. I even told my wife that I understand why she felt the way she did, but that these changes were not being made in a desparate attempt to win her back, but because I needed to change to be able to live with myself. For me that meant taking on more reponsibilties around the house as well as taking care of my body by eating better and losing weight. I do not know if any of my actions have made a difference to my wife or not, but they have amde a difference to me. I feel better about myself and even though it is very hard at times I keep reminding myself that I do not want to fall into the depression I was in before. It takes help like family, friends, or even internet forums, but if you want to make that change there will always be someone who will help, you may just have to look a little.
md250r- You make many valid points. The trouble with bipolar is that you can't always control the depression. I do many things to improve how I feel about myself, such as exercising, doing a good job at work, and watching how I eat. I am actually ok with who I am...MOST of the time. This past weekend, I was at an all-time low... feeling slightly suicidal. My husband was there to support me, but it was very difficult. This only happens to me sometimes.
So, I agree there things a person can do to improve their life, and I hope there are things I can do to improve our marriage, such as to meet my husband's needs. I really try hard, but when I'm depressed, there just isn't any desire or motivation. It's true that I haven't always had a great self-esteem though. But, over the past few months, I've really been working to think more positively aout myself. I think counseling will also help with these issues.
I am glad that you decided to make the changes you made...and you did it for yourself. That is very commendable! I hope you contine on this path.
I am so glad to have this forum. I don't have any friends to confide in really, but I have great siblings that I rely on frequently when I'm having trouble. Thanks for your input.
Well, my husband and I decided today that we are going to take a break. I'm going to stay elsewhere for a week and we're going to meet and talk. We're going to take it one week at a time.
I've really been feeling the need for space, so I think this will be beneficial for both of us. My husband suggested this, though I have been considering it for some time. It was a difficult conversation to have....I couldn't stop crying. I hope this helps us. My husband is so supportive and has a positive attitude about our decision. The goal of this is to help us realize how much we really do love each other. I really don't deserve him. I'm going to use this week to reflect...journaling has been suggested. I bought a cute one recently.
My husband said that he hasn't seen that look of love in my eyes for a long time. He's right...I just can't figure out why my feelings changed. I hope I do figure it out...otherwise, I will probably lose a great guy.
I've never been able to live up to his need for attention and sex. I really think this is our biggest issue, as I have said before. This is where I think therapy may be beneficial. I have deep-seeded fears and apprehension...though I have been known to let loose occasionally. It's in me somewhere...I just have to find it again.
My gosh, hun. Do you know how many girls would what a guy like that? If he doesn't watch sports, this will make him not be with you as much. Why not get him hooked on that? You will soon feel like you are room mates than lovers.
I am in a position similar to hitrockbottom. My marriage is falling apart, my wife informed me today that she doesn't see us together anymore. we've been fighting for over a month now, she sleeps in separate part of the house. We separated twice to just get away from each other and think which I did and decided I want to fix this, but my wife did the opposite and just gave up and said she has nothing left. I know I'm not perfect and am willing to change but I guess I'm looking for help in going the right direction. This is a start.
Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Where is the love going wrong. All of you guys are similar to my husband in that it seems like you are doing everything you can to save your marriage. I just wonder if this might push women further away...perhaps they feel smothered. I don't know...it could be just the opposite. Women are so complicated.
Does your wife suffer from depression or anything like that? What are the issues that have brought you both to this point? Your situation is like mine in a way. I too, have had difficulty seeing my husband and me together anymore. I have fantacized for months about getting a divorce. I don't know how I got to this point myself. My husband and I have had many issues for years, but we have never figured out how to make each other happy.
I have posted about my current situation...I'm living in a hotel for a week. Many have said this separation has either not helped or made things worse. I am still hopeful that it will help us somehow. But, we are both prepared for the worst at this point. One positive thing to note is that I'm not so sure I really want to divorce my husband. I really want to try and make things work. Next week, I may feel completely different, who knows?
There are many forum supporters who can offer you great advice. It has helped me a great deal. You should post a new thread and be specific about the issues going on in your marriage. You might just find the help you desire. Good luck!
I am in a position similar to hitrockbottom. My marriage is falling apart, my wife informed me today that she doesn't see us together anymore. we've been fighting for over a month now, she sleeps in separate part of the house. We separated twice to just get away from each other and think which I did and decided I want to fix this, but my wife did the opposite and just gave up and said she has nothing left. I know I'm not perfect and am willing to change but I guess I'm looking for help in going the right direction. This is a start.
You can always have your wife join this forum too. Maybe we can help the both of you.
Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Where is the love going wrong. push women further away...perhaps they feel smothered. I don't know...it could be just the opposite. Women are so complicated.
Does your wife suffer from depression or anything like that? What are the issues that have brought you both to this point? Your situation is like mine in a way. I too, have had difficulty seeing my husband and me together anymore. I have fantacized for months about getting a divorce. I don't know how I got to this point myself. My husband and I have had many issues for years, but we have never figured out how to make each other happy.
I have posted about my current situation...I'm living in a hotel for a week. Many have said this separation has either not helped or made things worse. I am still hopeful that it will help us somehow. But, we are both prepared for the worst at this point. One positive thing to note is that I'm not so sure I really want to divorce my husband. I really want to try and make things work. Next week, I may feel completely different, who knows?
There are many forum supporters who can offer you great advice. It has helped me a great deal. You should post a new thread and be specific about the issues going on in your marriage. You might just find the help you desire. Good luck!
Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Because most of the time she is the one that has had to put up with a lot of $#!^.
All of you guys are similar to my husband in that it seems like you are doing everything you can to save your marriage.
They always want to save it after the fact, which most of the time, it's too late to do so.
I was driving home from work a few weeks after the (explitive deleted) hit the fan and said to myself "I am not the same person I used to be and I don't don't even like myself anymore, how could anyone want to be with me" It was at that moment that I decided to quit feeling bad and start making changes for myself.
I needed to change to be able to live with myself.
This has also become my goal. During all his insidious behavior I did not even realize my behavior was sliding right along with his.
Marriage is a two way street that both partners need to care for and when the worst happens be willing to fix. Woman and men though they may function differently at times are the same in many respects. People in general are not mind reader.
2Likes
We're taking a break... 
