First the story:
Back in 10/09 my wife tells me she wants a divorce. I did the whole please don't leave I will change thing. It didn't seem to be working. So I found a website and they said forget the wife figure out how to fight for the kids. Reading this it mention that I should monitor the computer. Which I did and found out she was talking with some guy. Improper talk. She meant this guy out once with friends but nothing happen. Which I could tell from their talk. But there was talk about seeing each other again and all that stuff.
I didn't tell her I knew. I just started keep records and was trying to play nice guy so I could get a good divorce settlement $ wise and custody wise. Well after a could of weeks I realized this guy was a neighbor and had kids and I didn't feel it was fair to keep this to myself so I called his wife.
Well once my wife found out I knew what was going on. She is crying saying she wants to work it out and all this BS. This is after I spent nights crying myself to sleep and finally accepted the fact it was over.
(sorry so long )
Well I found out through all this she was also sort of seeing another guy b4 that. I found out she kissed this guy. They were texting each other like crazy and that was going on the month b4. (9/09). From everything I have gathered she didn't have sex with this guy. More of a mental thing.
So for the sake of the kids we did the whole marriage counseling. She also went to see her own counselor. We stop seeing the marriage counselor about a year after all this went down. But she still sees her counselor every other month.
She has done everything I could ask from her to try and fix this. She has not gone out one time to a bar without me or even has ever asked if she could. She went shopping a couple of times with friends but calls I guess so I know what's she is doing. I still monitor the computer and now, I check her phone records all the time and there is nothing.
My problem is I cant get over it. I never bring it up to her but I think about it all the time. Its always in the back of my mind. I cant let go of it and I cant forgive her. I want to leave her but I have 2 young kids. (6 & 9 ) and its not fair, I would miss half of their lives growing up because of her. If I leave eventually she would be with someone else and then some other guy would be helping to raise my kids. I don't know if I could deal with that.
Plus I cant hurt my kids. If I leave my wife I would be breaking up the family. How can I do that? When she was going to leave me then there was nothing I could do about it. It was on her. She broke up the family. But when she did that 180 and begged to work it out then I would have been the one not trying. Why couldn't she have just left then?
I'm so hurt and confused. She has no idea this stuff is even going through my head. I want to leave but I feel like I'm letting my kids down. Why cant I just forgive her?
Im looking for any in put. thanks in advance.
Back in 10/09 my wife tells me she wants a divorce. I did the whole please don't leave I will change thing. It didn't seem to be working. So I found a website and they said forget the wife figure out how to fight for the kids. Reading this it mention that I should monitor the computer. Which I did and found out she was talking with some guy. Improper talk. She meant this guy out once with friends but nothing happen. Which I could tell from their talk. But there was talk about seeing each other again and all that stuff.
I didn't tell her I knew. I just started keep records and was trying to play nice guy so I could get a good divorce settlement $ wise and custody wise. Well after a could of weeks I realized this guy was a neighbor and had kids and I didn't feel it was fair to keep this to myself so I called his wife.
Well once my wife found out I knew what was going on. She is crying saying she wants to work it out and all this BS. This is after I spent nights crying myself to sleep and finally accepted the fact it was over.
(sorry so long )
Well I found out through all this she was also sort of seeing another guy b4 that. I found out she kissed this guy. They were texting each other like crazy and that was going on the month b4. (9/09). From everything I have gathered she didn't have sex with this guy. More of a mental thing.
So for the sake of the kids we did the whole marriage counseling. She also went to see her own counselor. We stop seeing the marriage counselor about a year after all this went down. But she still sees her counselor every other month.
She has done everything I could ask from her to try and fix this. She has not gone out one time to a bar without me or even has ever asked if she could. She went shopping a couple of times with friends but calls I guess so I know what's she is doing. I still monitor the computer and now, I check her phone records all the time and there is nothing.
My problem is I cant get over it. I never bring it up to her but I think about it all the time. Its always in the back of my mind. I cant let go of it and I cant forgive her. I want to leave her but I have 2 young kids. (6 & 9 ) and its not fair, I would miss half of their lives growing up because of her. If I leave eventually she would be with someone else and then some other guy would be helping to raise my kids. I don't know if I could deal with that.
Plus I cant hurt my kids. If I leave my wife I would be breaking up the family. How can I do that? When she was going to leave me then there was nothing I could do about it. It was on her. She broke up the family. But when she did that 180 and begged to work it out then I would have been the one not trying. Why couldn't she have just left then?
I'm so hurt and confused. She has no idea this stuff is even going through my head. I want to leave but I feel like I'm letting my kids down. Why cant I just forgive her?
Im looking for any in put. thanks in advance.