noloveleft

Hello All,
Newbie here. I have been married 6 years. My wife and I have one child, a son who is a toddler. Seems like since our son was born that after caring for him I have no more love, patience, or compassion for my wife. I always wanted children but now I do not know if I am well suited to care for a wife and a child at the same time. Recently she has noticed this and asks me why I am acting/treating her the way that I am (withdrawn, short, etc.). I don’t have an answer and/or am too scared to tell her the truth.

I am an adventurous, outdoor person. Obviously, since our son came along I have not been able to do as many of things that I love (camping, hiking, skiing, etc.) and I feel trapped. I feel like I was never able to fulfill many of my dreams. I feel that if we were separated that I would be able to do the things I love more regularly and without feeling guilty from leaving my wife and son behind. Others time I just feel like a selfish jerk for wanting to spend time away from family. I just do not seek to be happy unless I am pursuing fun.

I also find myself talking and flirting with other ladies I meet at the bar when I occasionally go out with buddies. I don’t know if I seeking that excitement which comes with meeting a new person or if I am just trying to boost my own confidence as I also struggle with depression.

Should we seek counseling or even a separation so that I can understand how much we need/love one another? Funny how I am the one seeking advice when my wife and son are the victims.

AlwaysThinkingMaybe

Please, please consider individual counseling.

Children are life changing, and at the age of yours very time consuming and a often feels like a full time commitment.

I think you're feeling depressed about how much this has changed for you, maybe a little overwhelmed and its taking its toll on your relationship with your wife.

You CAN be active and still be a great full time father.

You CAN have you time and dad time and husband time.

And trust me, as your child grows into a more independent stage, it will become less and less overwhelming.

anx

What your feeling isn't uncommon. There are a lot of books about this.

I would recommend
Keep Your Relationships Strong after Baby Comes

You 100% should seek MC. Tell your wife you love her, are going through a hard time, and want to make this work.

Do this NOW. Don't wait till 6 month or a year from now when you are so burned out and angry and hurt that you walk away from a loving wife and kid. Make this work.

You can be happy in your marriage. Work to find out why you aren't and how to get there.

Babyheart

There is no reason you still cannot go outdoors & do the things you enjoy. Get one of those backpack carriers for your child.

You need to work on this now, before it gets worse & you get more & more resentful.