09-10-2008, 10:45 PM
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
| | Re: Lose my marriage or lose myself?
The first thing I have to say is that you shouldn't be "taking care of him". This is ridiculous and unfair to you. I'm not sure what his issues are, but a wife's sole role is not to take care of her husband...at least not in the way you are "expected" to take care of him.
You seem like a really good person. Him putting you on guilt trips is just a form of manipulation...not healthly within a marriage. You should be allowed to have the same amount of independence as him and he should definitely be doing his part to help out around the house. Call me a feminist, but I trained my husband from the beginning...he cooks, cleans, and helps around the house.
My suggestion is that you don't wait for his permission to do what you want to do. Go out and have fun...it doesn't have to be detrimenal to your marriage...it could have quite the opposite effect, in fact. You are a young girl, and should live a happy life. It's difficult when there's children involved, believe me, I know, but don't hold back...it will only increase your feelings of resentment.
Okay, now that I've pretty much taken your side on everything, I do want to encourage you to be completely open with your husband about how you feel right now and what you need to happen in order for your marriage to work. No more excuses or mind games. If he does not make a sincere effort to improve your marriage, that means he has to really listen to what your needs are and take action, then he needs to know you are serious about moving on. Don't get guilted into backing down...that's giving him the control. You are in control of what you do. I'm not saying to leave him...I'm saying to be strong. If you're not...things won't improve and you'll never have the happiness you deserve.
I hope I haven't come across as jaded...I know I'm only hearing your side of the situation, but I really think you need to take action here. Of course, this is only my opinion. You need to do what works best for you.