I am 20, and DH is 24. We started dating when I was 14. He moved in with me when I was 15, and we have been together ever scince. We finally got married when I was 19. We got our own place when I was 18, and moved 5 hours away out of state when I was 19, into our own condo.
Sounds crazy, together at so young, living together at so young, married at so young. Well, it worked.
But it is NOT working anymore. I work from home, DH works 12 hours days 5 days a week. He is ALWAYS miserable because of his job, but honestly, his job gives us what we need. There are like NO jobs around here that pay what he is making, and reason why is because we lived in PA, and moved to WV, and in PA, everyone gets paid a lot more than people in WV, so he transfered his job, at the same pay. We have NO money issues right now, and it is wonderful. I stay home all day, and work, clean, cook, and do the things a house wife would do. I love this though. I love being able to make money, and take care of my home, and when we have a baby, it will work out great.
My issue is, he works, comes home, takes his socks off, leaves them on the floor. Puts his wallet somewhere, the keys somewhere else, eats, and for the rest of the night his eyes are GLUED to the TV or xbox. As stupid as it sounds it is RUINING our marriage. I miss my husband. I miss spending time with him.
He is always pissed off about something, always complaining about something. The only thing I ask him to do is the trash, and he always says he will do it, and on trash day he is running out the door so he does not miss the trash man, and ALWAYS DOES.
I keep this house clean for him, cook for him, make his lunch, do his wash, etc. But I asked myself today..what does he do for me? He brings home a paycheck to help pay the bills, and granted he makes more than me...there is really nothing else he does for me.
We are not sexually itimate...not my choice. His. He shows NO interest. But I know, 100% he is not cheated. He is just...not interested. He does not tell me that, but what else could it be? It was never like this..not until 2 years ago. This is what we fight about all the time. He says why is everything about sex.
He is always WAY to tired (he says)...but even if you work for 12 hours...a lot of people do this, and still find time for family.
He buys lunch almost every day. I make him lunch almost everyday...but he still buys his lunch 10$ a day, even though I ask him not to. Sometimes when we have a lot of bills that week, he still buys lunch and totally skrews us on money. This is also a big deal to me. Today we have to pay rent. We had exactly enough, and today, he bought his lunch. I have a WHOLE casserole of lasagna in the fridge. WHY? WHY DOES HE DO THIS?
Being I work at home, I never leave the home. I do not get to go any where. I go to the grocery store, when he doesnt complain about having to drive me (I do not drive). I go to the convienent store sometimes, and his moms house. That is it. He gets to see the outside everyday, see people, see stores...I see, my computer and house. Thats it. It sucks.
He is lazy, I think he takes me or granted, and there is no love, romance, or anything. What is the point of this marriage anymore?
He knows how I feel, the other night I woke him up at 5am, crying because I was so upset. He always is nice, and says sorry, and he will fix things, but he never does.
He says, I always yell at him and I am mean, and treat him like his mother. I told him, I know I act like this, but for so long, you have yelled at me, and made me feel stupid, and stuff. When I am treated like that, I feel like I have to treat you like that. I do not even realize I do it. So I stopped. I stopped yelling, and acting like his mom.
Are things different? No.
I really love him, I do. But I am only 20. I do not want to struggle with this my whole life. What if things NEVER get better, and I am 60?
What happens if we have kids? I do not want to be a single mom.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. but the thing is, relationships dont just get better. especially by running away and not dealing with the problem. You have problems, true, but you can work through them. it might take years to resolve but they wont just fix themselves because you get divorced. They are as much your problem as they are his so wherever you go, your problems will be with you. You can work through all these emotions and be happy again in your marriage. You just have to be very patient, and be willing to change your point of view.
I would suggest you buy Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and workbook. its a good place to start.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. but the thing is, relationships dont just get better. especially by running away and not dealing with the problem. You have problems, true, but you can work through them. it might take years to resolve but they wont just fix themselves because you get divorced. They are as much your problem as they are his so wherever you go, your problems will be with you. You can work through all these emotions and be happy again in your marriage. You just have to be very patient, and be willing to change your point of view.
I would suggest you buy Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and workbook. its a good place to start.
Thank you very much. It has just been a few years of trying to work out these issues, and it seems like things are not even getting a little better. They are worse. I just feel ready to give up. He told me just now, he bought lunch today because he was running late. How long does it take to cut a piece of lasagna and go? He says he was running late, everyday, or he forgot.
I am 20, and DH is 24. We started dating when I was 14. He moved in with me when I was 15, and we have been together ever scince. We finally got married when I was 19. We got our own place when I was 18, and moved 5 hours away out of state when I was 19, into our own condo.
Sounds crazy, together at so young, living together at so young, married at so young. Well, it worked.
But it is NOT working anymore. I work from home, DH works 12 hours days 5 days a week. He is ALWAYS miserable because of his job, but honestly, his job gives us what we need. There are like NO jobs around here that pay what he is making, and reason why is because we lived in PA, and moved to WV, and in PA, everyone gets paid a lot more than people in WV, so he transfered his job, at the same pay. We have NO money issues right now, and it is wonderful. I stay home all day, and work, clean, cook, and do the things a house wife would do. I love this though. I love being able to make money, and take care of my home, and when we have a baby, it will work out great.
My issue is, he works, comes home, takes his socks off, leaves them on the floor. Puts his wallet somewhere, the keys somewhere else, eats, and for the rest of the night his eyes are GLUED to the TV or xbox. As stupid as it sounds it is RUINING our marriage. I miss my husband. I miss spending time with him.
He is always pissed off about something, always complaining about something. The only thing I ask him to do is the trash, and he always says he will do it, and on trash day he is running out the door so he does not miss the trash man, and ALWAYS DOES.
I keep this house clean for him, cook for him, make his lunch, do his wash, etc. But I asked myself today..what does he do for me? He brings home a paycheck to help pay the bills, and granted he makes more than me...there is really nothing else he does for me.
We are not sexually itimate...not my choice. His. He shows NO interest. But I know, 100% he is not cheated. He is just...not interested. He does not tell me that, but what else could it be? It was never like this..not until 2 years ago. This is what we fight about all the time. He says why is everything about sex.
He is always WAY to tired (he says)...but even if you work for 12 hours...a lot of people do this, and still find time for family.
He buys lunch almost every day. I make him lunch almost everyday...but he still buys his lunch 10$ a day, even though I ask him not to. Sometimes when we have a lot of bills that week, he still buys lunch and totally skrews us on money. This is also a big deal to me. Today we have to pay rent. We had exactly enough, and today, he bought his lunch. I have a WHOLE casserole of lasagna in the fridge. WHY? WHY DOES HE DO THIS?
Being I work at home, I never leave the home. I do not get to go any where. I go to the grocery store, when he doesnt complain about having to drive me (I do not drive). I go to the convienent store sometimes, and his moms house. That is it. He gets to see the outside everyday, see people, see stores...I see, my computer and house. Thats it. It sucks.
He is lazy, I think he takes me or granted, and there is no love, romance, or anything. What is the point of this marriage anymore?
He knows how I feel, the other night I woke him up at 5am, crying because I was so upset. He always is nice, and says sorry, and he will fix things, but he never does.
He says, I always yell at him and I am mean, and treat him like his mother. I told him, I know I act like this, but for so long, you have yelled at me, and made me feel stupid, and stuff. When I am treated like that, I feel like I have to treat you like that. I do not even realize I do it. So I stopped. I stopped yelling, and acting like his mom.
Are things different? No.
I really love him, I do. But I am only 20. I do not want to struggle with this my whole life. What if things NEVER get better, and I am 60?
What happens if we have kids? I do not want to be a single mom.
I am really thinking about a divorce though.
And I am depressed.
Aw..
You married so young, hun, the guy needs to grow up some more. I wouldn't rush into having kids. You need to fix your marriage and your husband needs to grow up first. I like people at age 14, but never would I date someone at that age, muchless move in with them. Seems to me, you two went into this relationship too fast, hun. You need to talk to someone that can help the both of you, because you sound like you are at your witts end. Good luck to you !
You married so young, hun, the guy needs to grow up some more. I wouldn't rush into having kids. You need to fix your marriage and your husband needs to grow up first. I like people at age 14, but never would I date someone at that age, muchless move in with them. Seems to me, you two went into this relationship too fast, hun. You need to talk to someone that can help the both of you, because you sound like you are at your witts end. Good luck to you !
Thanks. Personally I think I am way to mature for my age. Even at 14. I was always looking for the full blown relationship. My dad felt I was mature, that's why he thought I was ready to. And I was, but my hubby, your right..needs to grow up. But I cannot do that for him you know? That is something he needs to do...but he won't.
I think you two will find that if you can be patient and get through these struggles, that your relationship will be very meaningful. I think you guys are growing up together which is a very hard thing to do. but if you stick it out it will be one of the most rewarding things you ever do.
the little frustrating things throughout the day (his lunch, the trash, etc) can be attributed to poor boundaries on your part. Reading Relationship Rescue book will help you sort that out.
I think if you learn to respect his own struggles apart from you, you wont take everything he does and feels so personally.
i struggled with my H being addicted to video games, too. But then i started jumping in with him and playing with him. Video games are a way for a guy to de-stress, much like talking probably helps you. the more stressed he is, the more he will play.
The lack of intimacy can be attributed to all the stress flowing between you two. Its a complicated issue. im very bias in this area because i found out my H wasnt interested in sex with me because he was addicted to porn. so whenever i hear a guy isnt interested in their wife, and they arent cheating, then i think its porn.
You both have a lot of learning to do. Give it ten years to settle. it will be hard work, but it will be worth it.
Thanks. Personally I think I am way to mature for my age. Even at 14. I was always looking for the full blown relationship. My dad felt I was mature, that's why he thought I was ready to. And I was, but my hubby, your right..needs to grow up. But I cannot do that for him you know? That is something he needs to do...but he won't.
Some never do, hun. One can only hope they will. Oh, and you are welcome.
I htink htat you should move on. Youa re 20 he is 24 and it has been like this for 2 years already?
You sounds like an old couple of 40 or 50 years old to me..
Move on girl dotn let this suck all your life into a hole.
You already gave 6 years of your prime youth to this guy, and htats how he is repaying oyu You do everythign and work and he do absolutly nothign at all and thats way too abnormal for a man specialy at that young age.
No sex interest age 24? WOW! then drop it . he was with you for so long that he taes you for granted compeltely and doing nothign on excuse that he makes more and not eating the food you make for him and buying very expensive meal at 10 dollar eveery single day even when you got to pay the rent and cant afford it?
No girl, move on oyu got to move on.
He doesnt care AT ALL.
He is not even responsible enough to take care of the bills! it is you who care for that too and thats way too abnorme.
Give him the cold shoudler, dont make a meal for him dont sleep with him dont talk to him ignore him, remove the antenee from the tv and do as if its broken, and have a talk with him about it all.
Its best for you too to split up cause you ddi it all and he didnt made a single move to repair the realtion.
he odnt try even to do soemthing.
youa re doing tdobble work, youa re working form home and also you are takign ccare of the home.
take care of you now lady you need it badly.
Its not good for you to be estranged to all and isolated as oyu are specialy as 20. Get your freedom back and go out having fun! get soem friends do oyu have friends comogn to visit you+ i mean everyday or several times a week?
when was the last itme you went out to dance to a concert ot a restaurant to the beach or else?
It cant keep on that way.
You have to regain your freedom and your life. Poeple change with time and at 14 you are not as 20.
As you said youw eretoo mature too early and got stolen form your chikldhood. You ahve time to catch up wiht, fun to catch up with, and that time is now.
Dont wait that its to late for you.
Leave him and make your own life a new life where oyu will also be alone doign work but where you will no onger have to deal with him and his htings and will relay on yoruself. Get yourself a drivig license real fast and be totaly independent and able ot move aroud and meet people.
You need a life for yourself out of his unicverse.
He like that life, the sofa work life, you cant stand it its killing you and i understand that. So move on girl.
Thats not what you wanted.
You wanted the love and romantic too and you got his idea of love: if there is nothing on TV and he isnt too tired..
thats not love, like you said it, that sucks completely!
Some never do, hun. One can only hope they will. Oh, and you are welcome.
yeah thats rigth and sincde when is it necessary to waist 10 years of oyur life "to make it work"!!???
hell no!
2 years is waisted time enough.
youcant change the guy and as oyu say he got to do the change on him you cant do it for him and he wont cause he feel good that way. Its not to destress he watch tv but cause he likes it better than taklign care of you.
He is totaly careless he live like if he was living alone with a maid making his meal doing the cleaning, wahsing his clothes, and so on and taking care the bills get paid and in worse coming with some money too. It doenst go he take you for granted and for a slave at home who also give money into the budget.
Walk away from him girl. he is no good for you.
Sweet Love, she doesn't want to move on. She loves the guy, so she wants it to work out. She should at least try to work things out, before throwing in the towel.
you are wrong so read ehr first message.. you never do.. she is thinkng about leavign him since a long time.. cause hs eis tired about it but she doesnt know what to do for sure.
and she ahs already tried her very best to make things work out, FOR TWO LONG YEARS and she do nothing but doing the right things and him the worng and he do nothign at all to change it. So why waist more years of her youth on a guy that dont even appreciate it?
Most people are not going to mature until they are in their mid twenties. You might want to look at several aspects of your marriage. Screaming isn't the best form of communicating and the one leastlikely to be listened too. Have you thought about getting a book about relationships like the five languages of love? You are both young and have many more stages to go through in yor life, so I suggest you try everything to save your marriage before you add kids or get a divorce.
you are wrong so read ehr first message.. you never do.. she is thinkng about leavign him since a long time.. cause hs eis tired about it but she doesnt know what to do for sure.
and she ahs already tried her very best to make things work out, FOR TWO LONG YEARS and she do nothing but doing the right things and him the worng and he do nothign at all to change it. So why waist more years of her youth on a guy that dont even appreciate it?
Yeah, but, thinking about it and doing it is two different things, hun.
I'm just..fed up.
