My wife is leaving me
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife is leaving me

I've read many posts here today and many are very close to my own story. I hate that so many are going through the same pain I am. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

My story....

I've been married eight years and in the relationship for ten. The first 3-4 years were amazing. The last few not so much. I've been unhappy for awhile, feeling that I wasn't getting the support I needed from my wife on various levels. I was carrying the burden of maintaining our business where we both worked from home. I won't go into all the details... suffice it to say I pulled away emotionally. Our physical relationship suffered as well.

About two months ago I helped get her a job with a friend of mine (our home business had slowed down). About two weeks after she started working with him her behavior changed. It was obvious. When I confronted her she denied everything. I didn't push the issue. She eventually told me the truth though... she was having an affair with him. She has since moved out and filed for divorce.

I've been miserable ever since. Today was really awful. I cried most of the day. I can barely move, barely function. I know I need to let her go and begin moving forward but it's so hard to accept. It's as if this isn't my life. I'm still in denial I suppose. It's just so hard to come to terms with the reality of my situation and the loss of the dream. I thought we'd be together forever. Even though we were having serious problems I was willing to work on them. I guess too little too late.

I just can't envision a future without her in it. I love her so much it hurts. I wanted to go to counseling, fix our problems, work on us, but she wants nothing to do with that. She's "shut down" as she put it. Everything now seems so pointless. There's no joy, no happiness, no reason to move forward without her. Everything I did was for "us". Now I just can't imagine doing things for just me.

I know things will get better if I can only get through this. It just feels impossible at this point.
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me

What is the situation of your a** h*** "friend"/OM; is he married, have kids, single? Has he approached you? Did she move in with him?

I would, as soon as possible, expose this thing between the two, get the upper hand, tell friends, associates, family, all! ASAP!
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me

Do you have children?
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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My "friend" is married with 2 teenage kids. We had recently confided in each other about our respective marriages. He was having marital problems. I mentioned to him that I was unhappy for various reasons (but that I also loved my wife). He used my confidence to his benefit, even going so far as to tell a mutual friend who confronted him about this "well, John said he was unhappy".

They aren't living together as of yet. I think he's already left his wife. I don't know what's going on to be honest.

My wife and I don't have children.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me

The sooner you let go of other people's mistakes - she took the wrong turn here, not you - the better. Good luck, cheer up - no one can make yourself feel sorry for yourself but you.
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnG View Post
My "friend" is married with 2 teenage kids.
First of all, he's not your "friend." He's a snake.
Tell his wife TODAY that he is having an affair with your wife. She deserves to know the truth and the affair should be exposed.

Right now, do NOT grovel to your wife, beg or plead her to stay with you. It's going to turn her off even more.

Right now give her all the space she needs.
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Old 04-06-2011, 05:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by JohnG View Post
I've read many posts here today and many are very close to my own story. I hate that so many are going through the same pain I am. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

My story....

I've been married eight years and in the relationship for ten. The first 3-4 years were amazing. The last few not so much. I've been unhappy for awhile, feeling that I wasn't getting the support I needed from my wife on various levels. I was carrying the burden of maintaining our business where we both worked from home. I won't go into all the details... suffice it to say I pulled away emotionally. Our physical relationship suffered as well.

About two months ago I helped get her a job with a friend of mine (our home business had slowed down). About two weeks after she started working with him her behavior changed. It was obvious. When I confronted her she denied everything. I didn't push the issue. She eventually told me the truth though... she was having an affair with him. She has since moved out and filed for divorce.

I've been miserable ever since. Today was really awful. I cried most of the day. I can barely move, barely function. I know I need to let her go and begin moving forward but it's so hard to accept. It's as if this isn't my life. I'm still in denial I suppose. It's just so hard to come to terms with the reality of my situation and the loss of the dream. I thought we'd be together forever. Even though we were having serious problems I was willing to work on them. I guess too little too late.

I just can't envision a future without her in it. I love her so much it hurts. I wanted to go to counseling, fix our problems, work on us, but she wants nothing to do with that. She's "shut down" as she put it. Everything now seems so pointless. There's no joy, no happiness, no reason to move forward without her. Everything I did was for "us". Now I just can't imagine doing things for just me.

I know things will get better if I can only get through this. It just feels impossible at this point.

I will never understand how some people blame themselves when their spouse plays hide the sausage. You honestly want to "fix" this? Let me save you some money on therapy. Just imagine her with him having sex. If you are not disgusted by her then nothing can help.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I will never understand how some people blame themselves when their spouse plays hide the sausage. You honestly want to "fix" this? Let me save you some money on therapy. Just imagine her with him having sex. If you are not disgusted by her then nothing can help.
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Sanity, I hope I don't offend you by saying this (or maybe I hope it does), but these type of remarks and comments are not particularly helpful for someone who is obviously struggling. I know that in today's day and time, there are people who feel that marriages are disposable and that they are not worth fighting for, but there are many who believe in the institution of marriage.

There are many who truly love their spouses unconditionally. There are many who have overcome situations much like this and have been rewarded with a more fulfilling marriage. Telling a guy to mentally picture the deed does not help him. It's slap in the face. If you're not going to help someone, maybe you shouldn't say anything.

JohnG, I'm with you, my brother. If you feel that you're marriage is worth fighting for, then fight. But you must educate yourself. There are tons of people here with great advice and can help you. There's other resources available like MarriageBuilders.com or Affaircare.com that can offer you tons of advice. Educate yourself and know that you're not by yourself.
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Old 04-06-2011, 07:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me

I'm sorry that your wife has passed away, even though she is still on this earth your emotion and feeling are simular to a death and you are grieving as such. The real kicker is the betrayal, I quess you can chuck that up to having them both die with out warning.

Just like when some one you love has passed away and you grieve, and you will miss them but you go on.

Distance your self from them as if they were both dead and expose the affiar and move on. Make this affair as inconvienent and uncomfortable as possible and move on. Once the affair is exposed it is no long taboo, exciting, and the thrill of the secrecy is over. Sometime affairs aren't as they appear in the light of day, and fade away.

Give your self some time and you may find that you can be happier with out her. Give your self some time and you may be finding yourself desiding if you want her back when her fantasy is over and she realizes the OM doesn't have the moral fiber she thought he had.

So remember it's not what knocks us down the matters its how we get back up that counts.

Don't let these people turn you into someone your not and show them that you are confident and you will succeed with out her and you will be happy ...in time you will be happy.

You can't control her so don't try no begging be strong and show the both of them that there evil betrayal will not keep you done and infact make you better .....better with out her or OM friend ship.

Since you have no kids do not get sucked into the BS of "can't we just be friends". I never did get that, friend don't betray friends.

Again sorry for the death of your wife and friend you diserve to greive but in the same breath you diserve happiness so go find it ...take a vacation and then pick your self up and keep busy on bettering your self. while the both of them suffer with the guilt! Make no mistake they have guilt they just hide it and they will suffer with it for the rest of there lifes. Just like you and your lose that you will never forget. They too will never forget the betrayal they did.
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
Sanity, I hope I don't offend you by saying this (or maybe I hope it does), but these type of remarks and comments are not particularly helpful for someone who is obviously struggling. I know that in today's day and time, there are people who feel that marriages are disposable and that they are not worth fighting for, but there are many who believe in the institution of marriage.

There are many who truly love their spouses unconditionally. There are many who have overcome situations much like this and have been rewarded with a more fulfilling marriage. Telling a guy to mentally picture the deed does not help him. It's slap in the face. If you're not going to help someone, maybe you shouldn't say anything.

JohnG, I'm with you, my brother. If you feel that you're marriage is worth fighting for, then fight. But you must educate yourself. There are tons of people here with great advice and can help you. There's other resources available like MarriageBuilders.com or Affaircare.com that can offer you tons of advice. Educate yourself and know that you're not by yourself.
No offense taken. You are entitled to opinion and I agree with you that marriage is sacred. Having said this sometimes people need a slap in the face instead of their hand held when situations like this arrive. Affairs not only destroy marriages and families but they put the spouse at risk physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. When a spouse has betrayed you in such a destructive way why even bother trying to make it "work". The affair WILL always be in his mind of he's with her.
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