my wife is the only one who is separated-how long can i wait??HELP
i caused the situation-i wrote explicit sexual emails to real people 6yrs ago-and my wife found it-she forgave me and i did it again last summer 07 and she found it again.each time she didnt talk to me for a month,took her wedding ring off and went out to the clubs with her friends 2-3 times a week.but we made it thru.because we are soulmates-we love each other-the day we met we both knew it-we were and still are two peas in a pod-but yet i was so stupid the last 6 yrs
weve been married 15 yrs-known each other for 18yrs.we have 2 children a boy 13 and a girl 8
the last year i notice a difference in her towards me-not as loving not as affectionate-
3 months ago we had a argument and during it she let it all out that she cant trust me,didnt love me anymore.she took her ring off again and has gone out to a singles dance club and tonight is the 11th week in a row
she basically has separated herself from me-tells people we are separated but we are still living in the same house-we are not even technically separated and there are no and have been no attorneys involved.plus she has told me just last week that she doesnt want a divorce and she doesnt want me to move out
yet she wants no love or affection from me and gives me none right now.she wont even let me-someone who has been married to her for 15 yrs and known her for 18 kiss her on the cheek
she says she just wants space to clear her head and to be alone and go out with her friends-space to do what exactly-go out to the club every sat nite-otherwise shes home with me and the kids every other night
she has to know after 3 months almost if she is going to make this marriage work or not-doesnt she?however
about a month ago i found out that at this club where we both went as husband and wife for years-she got close to a male friend of ours.because of the hurt i caused she reached out-cried on his shoulder and he pumped her up-making her feel good and better about herself and over a number of weeks of them hanging out and talking without me around,she thought she was falling in love with him-but hes married too and separated with a daughter but also living with his wife. and when he found out how she was feeling he maintained he just wanted to be friends-i guess a blessing in disguise for me because if he returned her feelings it might have been over already-i know these things because i found emails she wrote to her friends about him
even though he is not returning her feelings doesnt mean my wife still doesnt have them for him although she professes to me that she never really loved him- he was just there, a friend at the club and because she was feeling hurt and angry she let herself feel this.but now i think her feelings for him are not letting her come back to me sooner.i could be wrong.if he wasnt in the picture would we be toghether already?
i feel she goes to the club every sat nite-yes to get out but to see if hes there and hang with him.i feel one of these times something bad is going to happen but what exactly is she going to do-run away with him-shes married to me with kids hes got a kid and a wife so what is she thinking
it kills me because my wife even at age 47-im 48-she has just recently lost some weight and has a gorgeous face and body and looks like a playboy playmate when she goes out and she gets alot of attention from men which im sure she loves right now.im sitting home with the kids and its driving me insane.shes feeling good about herself something i guess i wasnt doing because of the emails.and right now maybe im feeling sorry for myself
HOW LONG CAN I WAIT FOR HER TO FORGIVE-OR NOT.she has to decide at some point wheter she wants to save the marriage or divorce me.i told her i can not live this way for months and months.she knows i want to stay with her and feel sometimes shes just making me suffer.like i did to her.
plus financially she needs me.she doesnt work and almost all my income goes to the house and family so at this point just about three months in i feel like shes using me for money and to
help with the kids which id do anyway.if i moved out i wouldnt be able to pay for a place for me and the house too so we would have to sell with no equity and she has no income so i cant let them go homeless.
its like were roomates
how much longer do i wait-what is she waiting for-watching her live separate,watching her go out every sat nite.treating me like a friend not a husband.look i know i put her in this place but we cant live like this forever.not good for our kids.i love her very very much and cant live without her but sometimes i feel like im being weak and letting her walk all over.maybe shes upset about us but shes hiding it well.its 3 months and counting
everyone keeps telling me its not over-her family,my family-but if she felt any love for me when-maybe shes just not feeling it anymore-i dont know.but then lets end it and move on with our lives instead of living in limbo
Last edited by lmh11706; 09-27-2008 at 11:16 PM.