09-28-2008, 08:45 AM
Join Date: Sep 2008
| | Considering divorce - advice please?
I have been with my husband for 14 years (married for 6). I am 30, he is 37 and we have a 13 year old child.
For the first 5 years of our relationship we hated each other literally, only stayed together for child. He was evil, bad tempered and made me feel worthless.
He was seriously ill after this and I cared for him for 2 years. I decided that I did love him (I think now this may have beenbecause I was scared that he was almost taken away so quickly) He then changed, he was caring, loving, respectful - because HE needed me for a change.
He has never been romantic in the slightest and never done anything nice for me!
I have often felt that I was trapped as he was the earner and older and I couldn't cope alone. I have wanted to leave on many occasion throughout the years but his illness made me want to take care of him?
The past year we have been going out as a couple with friends and this really helped me as I was having fun, however he gets very jealous if I dance with anyne and even pushed me over outide a pub a few months back because of it!
When we go out as just a couple, it is boring, we have nothing to talk about and don't like nay of the same things (I don't think we ever have!) So I started making my own friends and going out alot... I loved it.
I have now told him that I don't think I love him as a husband anymore and feel more like a sister or a carer. This really upset him and he said he wanted to go away for weekends and do more together, but this does nothing for me.
I have found him sexually attractive for years - I just lie and bear it! Whwn I am drunk I do enjoy sex with him. I asked for him to leave for a week or so as I need to think about what I want for a change - he refused. He has slept on the settee for a week and we avoid each other as best we can. When we do talk he just makes me feel guilty which clouds my judgement. He even send a letter saying how I have broken his heart and he loves me (the only one in 14 years together)
I just feel that after all of my years with him, it has never really been what I want and I need to go and live my life while I am still young enough to. I have been going away for day trips or weekends alone just to escape and they feel really good - I feel like mE again.
All of my friens, my sister, even my daughter have told me that I am not happy and that I live like a single person as we never do anything together anyway?
I really feel that I want to leave, but a, worried that I may be making the biggest mistake of my life, but on the other hand if I stay I may still be continuing the biggest mistake of my life?
I know that when I first went out with him it was wrong - just didn't feel right. I was 16 and had fancied him since I was 9 so I was determined to KEEP him once I got him! On our fist date I thought "he aint what I thought he would be" but for some reason carried on, got pregnant after 4 months (we both planned it as he said "I have got to start sometime") that is about how romantic he is.
I also feel things are wrong as when I go out work friends say things that he should be saying to me, eg:
"your nose twitches when you talk"
"you look stunning"
etc, etc... The most I have ever got is that's nice? He wants sex all the time, but is never romantic about it.
I think my mind is made up, but I know he won't want to be friends, and do - we make a really good pair (we work well together, do the house up nice, agree on gardening ideas, cars and decorating) I just don't feel that I want to live with him anymore.
My family think it is a mid life crisis, but this is not the first time I have thought about leaving - it's just the first time I have been strong enough to go through with it!
All advice appreciated.