If you are reading this and can offer some insight I would greatly appreciate it. I found this site from an article about the effect divorce has on kids. I am just about to tell my wife I can't hang in there for the kids any longer (tonight)
Long story short: Me- 43/to her 40y/o
Typical marriage of ups and downs. 12 years married, 17 together. Two kids over 6 and under 15. We have the perfect family life. We both have good jobs, great kids, friends, yadda yadda. At the end of the day, there is no us anymore. We co-exist.
About 5 years ago I started to notice that my wife had less and less of a desire to be intimate and do all the fun things that couples do behind closed doors. So my curiosity got the best of me and I snooped into her email. I found a string of emails that were from another guy wanting to meet her for drinks(little older and bald). She was leaving work early to meet this guy. After I confronted her on this she said the he got her company business and that he told her she owed him a drink. From what I could see the initial email invite was several months before the day they tried to meet. She said that there was nothing to it and she wanted him off her back so she agreed to meet him. Well based on the emails they didn't meet (that day) even though they sure tried like heck. "Where we meeting" "what time" "hurry up and tell me, leaving work now". My wife is very cute and petite. Blonde, blue, size 0. Ok, so she tried to explain that away. I didn't buy it. She has a very felxible work schedule, works from home mostly and comes and goes as she pleases(God only know what I don't know).
Fast forward. Her high school ex-boyfriend lived about an hour away and moved back into the area about a year ago. I know him(he is married) and I've seen texts on her phone that give me bad vibes. When he moved back she never told me. She knows I'm not a big fan of his but something I think she hid on purpose.
Then she went on a business trip two years ago and her drink friend was there at the same conference. I checked the text log on our cell carrier and sure enough drink guy was texting her between 1-3am and again at around 6am the same morning while on the trip. I looked (and took pictures) of her lingerie drawer before, during and after she went on the trip. True to form some mystery red lingerie appeared after she returned. Wasnt there before or while she was away. She said she got it way back for our honeymoon. Ok, I get it. Pictures dont lie. btw, she hasn't worn any for me in about 6-7 years. She said it was in there and that it was on the bottom. It wasn't. She denies it all of course. She said she got her purse, which was always on top of her lingerie in the drawer and thats why the red lingerie was on top. LIE. No reason the drawer would be shuffled. Her diary is at the bottom of the drawer, but she didn't write anything in it at the time.
Throughout these years I got the good for the goose syndrome. I am good looking, in amazing shape, workout a lot, take care of myself. Most females call me a hybrid dad. I have been pursued by many women over the years. I've had women tell me they want to f*ck me with no strings! I do everything inside the house, outside the house, grocery shopping, laundry, clean, don't spend money on stuff, church dad, coach kids sports teams, spend every second I can with my kids, like to please (but get nothing back in bed). We make great parents, a great team but she is completely disconnected. She tries a little once in a great while but the 1/2 ounce of effort doesn't scratch the surface. In the 17 years we've been together she's called me at work less thatn 10 times to say hi and see how my day was going. I used to work across the street from her office. She never called to have lunch. 2 years (before we got married even, sign?) She has no desire to cuddle, be intimate and playful. No desire to please me. We talk every 6 months about us. I tell her my needs, desires, expectations. Nothing happens and I tolerate it for the kids. She says having sex more than twice a week is above average and she doesn't want to, comparing us to some of her friends. We had sex about 6 times all of last year! I am a GUY! Beer, sports and sex and I'm happy. No sex and I am miserable. She knows but could care less. So I'm getting ready (tonight) to tell her I'm moving on. She has had her fair share of wondering about me over the last few years (goose). It kills me to divorce because I am 100% a family man. I love my family, kids, life, but I can't keep feeling alone in my marriage anymore.
"The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone that makes you feel alone" -Robin Willams
I am so sad I want to puke over this decision. I've held off for years but can't keep pretending anymore. My blood pressure is high from all the stress. We do do stuff together, just us, date night, golf, etc. but its what is lacking on the intimacy and that she could care less about pleasing me that is killing me. She is like a blow-up doll in bed. Just sits there so I can please her. Been like that for YEARS! Puts no effort or energy into sex. I need someone who desires me, wants me, appreciates me. I told her years ago, I will treat you like a queen but you have to treat me like a king. Didn't happen. So I decided several years ago to mirror her in every way. I know, not a good idea but I want to be able to say "I give what I get". That's the gist of it. Always more but you get the idea.
Sorry was longer than expected. I NEED SOME ADVICE QUICK!!
Long story short: Me- 43/to her 40y/o
Typical marriage of ups and downs. 12 years married, 17 together. Two kids over 6 and under 15. We have the perfect family life. We both have good jobs, great kids, friends, yadda yadda. At the end of the day, there is no us anymore. We co-exist.
About 5 years ago I started to notice that my wife had less and less of a desire to be intimate and do all the fun things that couples do behind closed doors. So my curiosity got the best of me and I snooped into her email. I found a string of emails that were from another guy wanting to meet her for drinks(little older and bald). She was leaving work early to meet this guy. After I confronted her on this she said the he got her company business and that he told her she owed him a drink. From what I could see the initial email invite was several months before the day they tried to meet. She said that there was nothing to it and she wanted him off her back so she agreed to meet him. Well based on the emails they didn't meet (that day) even though they sure tried like heck. "Where we meeting" "what time" "hurry up and tell me, leaving work now". My wife is very cute and petite. Blonde, blue, size 0. Ok, so she tried to explain that away. I didn't buy it. She has a very felxible work schedule, works from home mostly and comes and goes as she pleases(God only know what I don't know).
Fast forward. Her high school ex-boyfriend lived about an hour away and moved back into the area about a year ago. I know him(he is married) and I've seen texts on her phone that give me bad vibes. When he moved back she never told me. She knows I'm not a big fan of his but something I think she hid on purpose.
Then she went on a business trip two years ago and her drink friend was there at the same conference. I checked the text log on our cell carrier and sure enough drink guy was texting her between 1-3am and again at around 6am the same morning while on the trip. I looked (and took pictures) of her lingerie drawer before, during and after she went on the trip. True to form some mystery red lingerie appeared after she returned. Wasnt there before or while she was away. She said she got it way back for our honeymoon. Ok, I get it. Pictures dont lie. btw, she hasn't worn any for me in about 6-7 years. She said it was in there and that it was on the bottom. It wasn't. She denies it all of course. She said she got her purse, which was always on top of her lingerie in the drawer and thats why the red lingerie was on top. LIE. No reason the drawer would be shuffled. Her diary is at the bottom of the drawer, but she didn't write anything in it at the time.
Throughout these years I got the good for the goose syndrome. I am good looking, in amazing shape, workout a lot, take care of myself. Most females call me a hybrid dad. I have been pursued by many women over the years. I've had women tell me they want to f*ck me with no strings! I do everything inside the house, outside the house, grocery shopping, laundry, clean, don't spend money on stuff, church dad, coach kids sports teams, spend every second I can with my kids, like to please (but get nothing back in bed). We make great parents, a great team but she is completely disconnected. She tries a little once in a great while but the 1/2 ounce of effort doesn't scratch the surface. In the 17 years we've been together she's called me at work less thatn 10 times to say hi and see how my day was going. I used to work across the street from her office. She never called to have lunch. 2 years (before we got married even, sign?) She has no desire to cuddle, be intimate and playful. No desire to please me. We talk every 6 months about us. I tell her my needs, desires, expectations. Nothing happens and I tolerate it for the kids. She says having sex more than twice a week is above average and she doesn't want to, comparing us to some of her friends. We had sex about 6 times all of last year! I am a GUY! Beer, sports and sex and I'm happy. No sex and I am miserable. She knows but could care less. So I'm getting ready (tonight) to tell her I'm moving on. She has had her fair share of wondering about me over the last few years (goose). It kills me to divorce because I am 100% a family man. I love my family, kids, life, but I can't keep feeling alone in my marriage anymore.
"The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone that makes you feel alone" -Robin Willams
I am so sad I want to puke over this decision. I've held off for years but can't keep pretending anymore. My blood pressure is high from all the stress. We do do stuff together, just us, date night, golf, etc. but its what is lacking on the intimacy and that she could care less about pleasing me that is killing me. She is like a blow-up doll in bed. Just sits there so I can please her. Been like that for YEARS! Puts no effort or energy into sex. I need someone who desires me, wants me, appreciates me. I told her years ago, I will treat you like a queen but you have to treat me like a king. Didn't happen. So I decided several years ago to mirror her in every way. I know, not a good idea but I want to be able to say "I give what I get". That's the gist of it. Always more but you get the idea.
Sorry was longer than expected. I NEED SOME ADVICE QUICK!!