Stay or Go??? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-22-2011, 11:08 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 41
Stay or Go???

I am so abosolutely confused....

My H has been going for IC since Monday last week, and we have seen our MC several times. I was so ready to go when this all started.

Now I feel like he MAY BE capable of change. Or is it all a ploy to get me to stay.

He has been diagnosed as depressed with mild anxiety. He knows that he has been Passive/Agressive in our relationship.

He says sorry over and over and over....

Yesterday at our appointment, I read him a 3 page letter that I had written, telling him of all the hurt and grieving I am doing for the lost I feel about his not being close with our children...telling him that I permitted him to act like a4 yr old by forgiving him when he had his tantrums. BUT I would no longer forgive that, I cannot!

He wrote a letter also stating that he knew he'd acted like a child, his behaviors are unacceptable.

He says that part of him is gone.

He has since "friended" our oldest son on FB, and even begun to help with homework and offer advice when our son is down.

I see some changes, but I felt like I was ready to go it on my own...

We had discussed him moving out, so I could have some space...but he is reluctant to spend the money to be in someone elses space (he would rent a room as a whole apt. would be too much $$$) He wants to stay in the same house...

He asks for hugs and has tried a few times for little kisses.

I am sooo confused and lost...I don't really have anyone to turn to.


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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-22-2011, 11:55 AM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,076
Re: Stay or Go???

Stay. Give it 100%, but at the same time don't go too fast.

I'm a man who is been through this. He is a different person that who you married. He's a different person that he was 2 months ago.

Forgiveness and forging a new future together won't be easy, but its work you vowed to do.

Staying in the same house different rooms is the smartest way to do it. Separation don't fix any of the issues. MC does.

I also have a history of anxiety and depression. It only came out in arguments when my wife would shut down.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-22-2011, 08:55 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,658
Re: Stay or Go???

OhioGirl, this is the 10th thread you have started about your H in just four weeks. I mention this so readers can know that, to understand how seriously ill your H is, they must read your 26 posts scattered among 10 threads. To spare other readers that task, I summarized the results at my post in your 9th thread at So Confused! Husband making promises....

To summarize the ten threads, you say your H is emotionally unstable, verbally abusive, lacks impulse control, cannot regulate his emotions, is incapable of trusting you, refuses to take responsibility for his own mistakes, has low self esteem, throws temper tantrums which are triggered quickly, has the emotional maturity of a four year old, and is very controlling. In my post, I explained at length that you are describing a classic, well-known pattern of behavioral traits called BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW suffers from. That explanation appeared five days ago.

Instead of thanking me -- or even responding at all -- you simply started the same thread all over again -- for the tenth time. Well, that's okay. I accept your decision to not want to hear another word about your H having strong BPD traits. Yet, for the benefit of you other folks reading this latest thread by OhioGirl, I caution that you cannot appreciate the seriousness of her H's dysfunctional behavior until you read her full description scattered among other threads. If you don't have time for that, you may benefit from my summary at the link above.
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