Join Date: May 2011
Location: Kauai, (the Garden Island) Hawaii
Re: Rules for Separate but Living Together as Co-Parents
Rules? There are no rules per se in regards to living together as my ex-wife and I have done for 10 years before getting divorced.
In our case it was the wife that had done a 180 and we no longer shared the same interest, did anything together and saw each other maybe 1/2 hour each day.
Of course we had no more children to raise, but it can be done as long as you and your wife do not argue in front of the children, but more important do not bring anyone of the opposite sex home regardless what that relationship maybe.
You can begin establishing separate bank accounts but need to share paying the bills equally. In our case, we had our own accounts and we each paid for ourselves the personal things we needed including purchasing our own foods. We'd share here and there but only with permission from the other.
I warn you that it can get very lonely and the atmosphere in the house can get stressful at times, if only due to the fact that you both are no longer into each other and would rather be elsewhere. Worse yet if one of you is really NOT OK with this decision but only doing it because of having no other choice.
If you both use computers, it's essential that you get separate PC's and separate email accounts and passwords, because there will be a temptation to read each others email. There may come a time where you will meet a possible new relationship and start communication with them. If that's not the case there's always the curiosity factor wanting to know what the other is up too. There's that temptation to try and peek into each others affair and this can lead to a major confrontation.
And you must face the fact that even though you're living separate lives under one roof, the jealousy factor still exits even though you say it's over and done with. If one or the other even suspects that there's a new relationship in the horizon may lead to an unwanted confrontation. You may be surprised how quickly that jealousy factor can arise.
Here's a scenario, what if one day you should see your wife in a knockout dress, hair all done up, wearing perfume and going out for the evening? What would your reaction be? Better yet, what would your evening be like if you were staying home mulling over what you wife was up too?
Both must be prepared to face this type of situation but whatever you do on the outside MUST remain outside.
Can it be done, yes it can but it can also be gut wrenching at times. Good Luck to both of you.
Last edited by Kauaiguy; 05-19-2011 at 03:01 PM.