I haven't been on the forum much lately because our situation has been improving. We have been making time for each other, usually on the weekend. It seems to be helping.
I'm not sure if anyone can give any advice that hasn't already been given, but I need a place to vent. Work has been extremely difficult for me over the past couple of weeks. I come home exhausted. On top of that, I have fallen into a cycle of anxiety, irritability, and depression. This has once again taken its toll on my marriage.
It seems like we've reverted to the place we were only a few weeks ago. I know it will take consistent effort to improve and maintain our marriage, but when I feel down, I really don't need him making me feel worse. I know I have not been affectionate or attentive toward him. I've been so preoccupied with school stuff. I feel overwhelmed and just don't have the motivation to do more than what is necessary to survive each day.
I know this isn't anything that those of you who know me haven't heard before. I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done other than to just ride this one out like the rest. I'm not sure my husband will continue to put up with me forever though....and who could blame him?
If you focused on meeting your husband's needs, and he focused on meeting yours, all would be well. But of course life would be very quiet if we all did that, and Chris would nit be running this forum. Let's face it you have BP, so you are going to have to live with being a bit up and down. I am a bit OCD. I don't know anyone who has not got some sort of a problem. The successful ones manage their problems, and head off situations before they become terminal. It won't hurt you to be be more giving, and it will take your mind of yourself.
Last edited by MarkTwain; 10-04-2008 at 10:28 AM.
Reason: Grammer
I was just curious if you like alone time? I started going to counseling and my counselor pointed out that alone time is really important to me. I hadn't noticed until she pointed it out. So now, once a week, I go off in the woods by myself for awhile (well, my dog comes). It really helps my anxiety.
The idea of space and alone time might have good merit. Back a few years ago I worked a stressful job. I use to come home spent 15 minutes on the porch then spent another 45 minutes on the computer before delving into daily life. It gave me time to unwind and handle my family without bring the issues of work into it.
Maybe you should just tlakl to your husband about what you just told us above.
Its clearly define and anyone can set themselves into it and understadn the problem.
You just cant cope with more sometimes thats natural.
Just tell him so and that you are sorry.
You need some SPA and soem oyu time i agree with that.
Cause how can you give him what you do not have and even lack for yourself?
You need to destress a bit have soem space for you and feresh air, and that your husband is part of it wont hurt too.. to achieve that make him part of it by simply asking him if he would like for th etwo of you to have fun and relax together like kid a bit everyday when you come home.
If you can just put it out and laugh about it it will do you a world of good and him too.
The walk in a forest that help to reconnect with yourself and once you did that, you can also reconnect wiht him.
You guys give some great advice...I really appreciate it. What you all said makes sense. I told my husband yesterday that I needed some time to myself-ljtseng-because I know this is something that I require. He got a little upset because he felt he wasn't getting what he needed. I know I would be more giving MT if I was able to have this time to myself about once a week. Draconis-it's a good idea to just have some time to unwind before being around my family when I get home...just not sure it's possible. It seems that most days there is barely enough time to make dinner and do the normal daily chores.
Anyway, I think everything will be fine...at least I hope. I can't go to counseling right now due to an insurance issue. I have so many physical and mental/emotional issues...my poor husband has to put up with a lot. I guess I need to allow for him to get mad sometimes.
My husband got upset yesterday when he realized I was on this forum. He already knew about it, but I guess he felt I was being secretive. We talked about it a little, and I thought things were okay.
After I got back from my book club meeting, I could tell something was wrong with him. He said he understood me going on this forum. However, now he is feeling insecure about our relationship. He said he is having difficulty differentiating between my depression resulting from my Bi-Polar symptoms and my unhappiness with our relationship. He thinks that my extreme unhappiness is a result of me not being happy with him. I told him this wasn't true. He kept saying he wanted to be sure that I am still as committed as he is to making our relationship work. I told him my commitment had not changed over the last three weeks.
He still thinks I have the desire to be with someone else or may cheat on him because I'm unhappy. I assured him that is the furthest thing from my mind right now. I don't feel like I should have to reassure him repeatedly.
When we went to bed last night, I was really feeling guilty and sad about the situation. He was trying to talk to me about it. He felt like our relationship was much worse now because of my disposition. I couldn't stay awake...I was emotionally exhausted. I apologized and fell asleep.
Here's the worst part though. When I woke up this morning, he had already been up running. I asked him why he was up so early and he said he had trouble sleeping. I tried talking to him, but I didn't know what else to say. I tried to kiss him goodbye, and he stopped me and told me, "You don't have to kiss me." I was taken aback. He basically said that I shouldn't feel like I have to kiss him. I told him he's making things worse. I also told him that when he's ready to let me back in, maybe we can work things out. I am so hurt. Maybe he wants me to feel rejected, the way he must feel sometimes with me.
My husband said he just has this sinking feeling that I'm not happy with him. Maybe he's getting valid signals from me that I'm not happy with him. I told him I'm just not happy with anything in my life, especially myself. I really think he could do so much better than me. I don't know if I can continue to do this. I hate the effect it has on him, and it only makes me more depressed.
MT- I'll think about it. He's not very good at expressing his feelings. Plus, I feel like this forum is my place to vent...I'm not sure I want to share it.
I haven't been on the forum much lately because our situation has been improving. We have been making time for each other, usually on the weekend. It seems to be helping.
I'm not sure if anyone can give any advice that hasn't already been given, but I need a place to vent. Work has been extremely difficult for me over the past couple of weeks. I come home exhausted. On top of that, I have fallen into a cycle of anxiety, irritability, and depression. This has once again taken its toll on my marriage.
It seems like we've reverted to the place we were only a few weeks ago. I know it will take consistent effort to improve and maintain our marriage, but when I feel down, I really don't need him making me feel worse. I know I have not been affectionate or attentive toward him. I've been so preoccupied with school stuff. I feel overwhelmed and just don't have the motivation to do more than what is necessary to survive each day.
I know this isn't anything that those of you who know me haven't heard before. I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done other than to just ride this one out like the rest. I'm not sure my husband will continue to put up with me forever though....and who could blame him?
You need a release. Go for a walk or run after you get home from work. This will make you feel better and get the stress from work out. Maybe join a bowling team. If you are mad at someone, think of them standing there, and you are hitting them with the ball. Hey, doll, some of the people I have had to put up with at work or whatever, it would be my pleasure to knock them on their mean azz.
Honey- I am going to try to find some time to myself. I know my husband gets tired of me complaining or shutting him out so as not to bother him. It's a challenge to find the time.
As far as work goes, they are putting a lot of pressure on us right now. As a perfectionist, I want to do everything they're asking, but it seems impossible. This is really what is getting to me right now. Of course, my student cause me some grief and wear me down a bit, but that's not the main issue.
My fear is that my husband may not ever trust that I love him again.
Honey- I am going to try to find some time to myself. I know my husband gets tired of me complaining or shutting him out so as not to bother him. It's a challenge to find the time.
As far as work goes, they are putting a lot of pressure on us right now. As a perfectionist, I want to do everything they're asking, but it seems impossible. This is really what is getting to me right now. Of course, my student cause me some grief and wear me down a bit, but that's not the main issue.
My fear is that my husband may not ever trust that I love him again.
give your husband some credit and give things a try. If you can find peace in yourself before family then you will communicate with him better. He will see the change. If not than you can move on to other things. But if you don't try anything new then you will be stuck where you are right now and I don't think you want your marriage to always be like this.
My H and I had a similar relationship not too long ago. Emotions flying around all over and no one knows what belongs to who. It really is exhausting.
I think you two ought to work on your boundaries. It will help you be accountable for your own emotions and let go of what is out of your control.
I've used Dr.Phils Relationship Rescue book and workbook. It was good. And also Boundaries in Marriage book and workbook (2006), by Dr. Cloud & Townsend.
Even if you just do it by yourself you'll start to be able to manage all the jumbled emotions that fly between the two of you.
In trouble again...
Re: In trouble again... please read
Hey, doll, some of the people I have had to put up with at work or whatever, it would be my pleasure to knock them on their mean azz. 
