Re: Living Together While Separated
Yip Dedicated, I agree but it is my wife that said there is no hope left. We tried a short term separation back in 2009. It was OK after that for a while but then fell apart again. I don't think she has felt any real deep love for me for a very long time. Believe me, I know what you mean by what you are saying but if she does not want to give that a try, I can not force that on her. I would like her to change (although there is permanent damage now between my mother, sister and her but that is another story) she choses not too. We have been to IC and MC on several occasions over the last 10 years.
Also, there are several other things that may be different between you and me. How long have you been married? Are there still young children in your life, etc? Alot of that weighs heavily into the equation as well. My wife is not willing to change her opinion of how she wants me to be, she is imposing conditions on me that I can not meet to her satisfaction, so as long as the conditions are there, I can't be myself; she won't allow me to so I will not be that way. I am a good caring loving father and husband and I have never cheated on her, nor have I been decietful to her. I've lived my life honourably and with dignity. She told me she resents me for putting her in the situation for asking for a D. Well, resent is a powerful word to someone who loves you and has dedicated his entire life to you, and has been there through serious illness and injury. I am the one that is wanting to stay in the marriage, she is out. I wish it were different. Her issues with me - my weight (and i am not that much overweight believe me - 40lbs over. and a lot of people tell me I am a pretty good looking guy; not bragging just trying to make a point), and mainly her issue is what she calls, my pessimistic attitude. I take the blame for that, it is my personality, I am an engineer, science kind of person. It's in my nature to forecast problems. I think she just felt exhausted keeping up with that. To be honest, I consider myself middle of the road. On many (probably about 50/50) I have looked at terrible situations in a more optimistic view than she has. So there you are, weight and "negative attitude". OK, I can buy that, I have heard the saying that you can actually be influenced to feel a certain way by being around people and depending on their attitude, you can be happy or miserable. I guess she was miserable. And those two issues were apparently enough to swing her to the leaving side. Oh yeah, not to mention that she faced a life threatening disease last year for 13 months. I was by her side suffering with her every step of the way. So I am not a happy camper right now but all in all, I can live with myself because I did the best I could for all those years and I would not have traded all that time for the world.
I will be losing those 40 lbs soon now that I don't have "other responsibilities" getting in my way.
Oops, sorry Emily, I did not mean to hijack your post. I wrote this just to point out that, it will be OK for both of us to be happy - both of us although right now I am hurting deeply but I know I also can not continue to live in a loveless relationship.
Last edited by brighterlight; 05-10-2011 at 01:52 PM.