Living Together While Separated - Page 4
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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 05-10-2011, 05:58 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Living Together While Separated

If your husband does not know how to be independent or make his own conclusions about things and know how to communicate his needs to you then he can not help you. I agree with Dedicated..., the right counselor could help him. Whether you decide to leave or stay, he needs to do this for himself or he will always be co-dependent. My issue was a bit different - my wife was TOO independant and I was a stubborn hard head set in my ways. I was more of the small group gathering type while she wanted to go be around large groups of people. Two different viewpoints but I was never the type to be fully dependant on her decisions; we worked on those together and it was give and take on both sides. In the end it was our differences in personality that pulled us apart. I want to say that I am learning from this experience - all be it the really hard way!
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Old 05-10-2011, 08:19 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Living Together While Separated

Ditto to what the others said. I can completely understand why you feel the way you do.

A man who is dependent, still strongly tied to his family at your expense, conflict avoidant, and apologizes when you disagree with him are not qualities that create a desirable feeling in a woman. Quite the opposite, really. Been there, done that.

Having said that, if he does in fact agree to counseling and work on himself and you can find a good marriage counselor together, you may just find yourself in a completely different marriage. A desirable one.
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:11 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Living Together While Separated

I agree. Maybe there is something there...I don't know. I do know that the times we've talked about counseling he's been completely against it. I really don't like ultimatums, but maybe that's the only thing that will work. Even if we don't succeed, it will help him. It's worth one last shot I suppose...

Thanks so much to all (except the one who said I had 'another man') for all your thoughts and suggestions!
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:34 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Living Together While Separated

Quote:
Originally Posted by emily93 View Post
I agree. Maybe there is something there...I don't know. I do know that the times we've talked about counseling he's been completely against it. I really don't like ultimatums, but maybe that's the only thing that will work. Even if we don't succeed, it will help him. It's worth one last shot I suppose...

Thanks so much to all (except the one who said I had 'another man') for all your thoughts and suggestions!
ok I am the one who said you had another man . why ? because in 99% of cases like this there's someone else in picture .
Good that you are among the 1 %.

best of luck
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Old 05-13-2011, 12:10 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Living Together While Separated

Emily, you say you had your heart broken once and realised after that your parents were right. And they raised you to never 'need' a man. This is a good thing, nobody should 'need' a partner, that's dependence. But I'm wondering if there are some bad habits you've learnt from your parents. Such as strong opposition to accepting partnership within relationship. I'm probably wrong, but it may be worth exploring your own parent's and how they have taught you about relationships, and what of that is unhealthy and you're carrying now.

Could be completely unhelpful though, ignore if irrelevant!!
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