Lost and needing help

BlindLzararus · 05-23-2011, 08:53 PM

Hello Folks

I'm just looking for a bit of support really. I got married last August to a wonderful person, who is my best friend, but there's no romantic or sexual feelings between us. We already live apart for work and over the past year, my feelings that way have grown weaker and weaker and now I'm left just wanting to get out of the marriage and be free to have a relationship. We have been together 6 years. We both knew that this would be a problem but the pressure of our families meant we went through with it.

Since then she has gotten a little more enthusiastic about the relationship, but my feelings have changed, I still care for her, I still love her, but I want to be free of this relationship and I feel so bad about that.

I feel guilty for hurting her, I feel guilty about how much was spent on the wedding and I feel guilty for our families. But we have no kids, no shared house, nothing else.

I would appreciate advice/support/love/even criticism

Blind Laz

PBear · 05-23-2011, 08:59 PM

A start is to be open with her on how you feel. You likely already know that getting married based on other people's opinions, and staying together is even dumber, in my opinion. For the love of god, though... Do NOT have unprotected sex with her, no matter if she's taking care of things. It gets many times messier once kids are involved.

It does seem, though, that you're not giving this a fair chance. You're not going to resolve anything if you're not together. Even if you're not fighting, you're also not fixing.

C
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huskylover34 · 05-23-2011, 09:07 PM

You have to talk to her. I am currently engaged to a wonderful man of 7 years and he recently came to me saying he is unhappy. Trust me, even though it is hard for you (and will be for her) you need to tell her and be honest. My partner did this for me and it is the hardest thing he has ever told me. Now at least i know where we (he/I) stand and we are deciding if/how we want to work on this.

If you truly care for her, please tell her. Or else you will be another 7 years in and miserable. This happened to me 6 years ago and we never dealt with it. And now we are at maybe our breaking point.

It will not get any easier the longer you wait. Do not worry about your families (easier said than done) but it is your life and only you can make yourself happy.

DelinquentGurl · 05-23-2011, 10:44 PM

Why are you living apart? Is this by choice?

If you love her like you say you do, I think you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.
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Jellybeans · 05-24-2011, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlindLzararus

I got married last August to a wonderful person, who is my best friend, but there's no romantic or sexual feelings between us. We already live apart for work and over the past year, my feelings that way have grown weaker and weaker and now I'm left just wanting to get out of the marriage and be free to have a relationship. We have been together 6 years. We both knew that this would be a problem but the pressure of our families meant we went through with it.

Why did you even get married?

You married someone you have no feelings for and you want to be free to have other relationships.

Divorce her. Don't string her along.