The situation.
We've been married for 6 years, known each other over 10 years, no kids.
It has come to the point where I am considering calling it quits, I'm just not happy and I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my life away. I'm 37 and she's 30. We dated for a long time before marriage because I wanted to be sure I was ready and she was the right person for me.
We used to have the best relationship. We would go out all the time and have a lot of fun. She would come over my apartment and help me clean and she was always in a great mood. We both are independent and love our space, it was perfect.
As soon as we got married and bought our house, things started slowly changing. First, I am a very clean and tidy person, and I always thought she was also. Reality is she is the exact opposite. She is probably the messiest person I have ever met and it is hard to live with. I spend all my free time cleaning up for both of us and she refuses to help. I swear if she lived alone her house would look like a Hoarders episode. For somebody who is a neat freak, this is very stressful to me and I have explained it time and time again and she doesn't care. I feel like if she had acted this way when we were dating, I would have less room to complain, but she totally misrepresented her self. I've tried asking nicely, pleading, and getting angry and yelling, and it does not make a difference.
Second, I love going out and being and having fun, like to a bar or nightclub or a party or just hanging out with friends. These are things we always did when dating. She is at the point now where she doesn't want to do anything but sleep or watch TV. I end up going out by my self every Friday or Saturday, hanging out with my married friends and their wives while she sits at home. It's horrible, and I tell her how much I miss how we used to be.
Third, she has gained a huge amount of weight and I'm finding her more and more unattractive every day. She has probably put on 100 lbs and she out weighs me by probably 50 lbs. I work out 6 days a week and I watch what i eat, and I have a very athletic build thanks to my hard work. I have offered so many times to help her, and she refuses to work out or cut down on the junk. She can't even fit in most of her clothes any more, wears alot of sweatpants and t shirts. I never get on her case about her weight or even mention it unless she brings it up first because she knows it's a problem. We dont even sleep in the same bed because she now has sleep apnea and she refuses to use her breathing machine and I can't sleep with her snoring.
I sat down and thought about it and I don't think we have one common interest any more. All the things I love (working out, going out, sports, movies, etc..) she has no interest in. I still love her and the thought of splitting up breaks my heart, but I am so unhappy I don't know what to do. I don't see how couseling will be able to solve having no common interests and having two extremely different opinions on cleanliness. I seriosly don't think I can compromise on either of those things, I never thought I would have to or I wouldn't have married her.
We've been married for 6 years, known each other over 10 years, no kids.
It has come to the point where I am considering calling it quits, I'm just not happy and I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my life away. I'm 37 and she's 30. We dated for a long time before marriage because I wanted to be sure I was ready and she was the right person for me.
We used to have the best relationship. We would go out all the time and have a lot of fun. She would come over my apartment and help me clean and she was always in a great mood. We both are independent and love our space, it was perfect.
As soon as we got married and bought our house, things started slowly changing. First, I am a very clean and tidy person, and I always thought she was also. Reality is she is the exact opposite. She is probably the messiest person I have ever met and it is hard to live with. I spend all my free time cleaning up for both of us and she refuses to help. I swear if she lived alone her house would look like a Hoarders episode. For somebody who is a neat freak, this is very stressful to me and I have explained it time and time again and she doesn't care. I feel like if she had acted this way when we were dating, I would have less room to complain, but she totally misrepresented her self. I've tried asking nicely, pleading, and getting angry and yelling, and it does not make a difference.
Second, I love going out and being and having fun, like to a bar or nightclub or a party or just hanging out with friends. These are things we always did when dating. She is at the point now where she doesn't want to do anything but sleep or watch TV. I end up going out by my self every Friday or Saturday, hanging out with my married friends and their wives while she sits at home. It's horrible, and I tell her how much I miss how we used to be.
Third, she has gained a huge amount of weight and I'm finding her more and more unattractive every day. She has probably put on 100 lbs and she out weighs me by probably 50 lbs. I work out 6 days a week and I watch what i eat, and I have a very athletic build thanks to my hard work. I have offered so many times to help her, and she refuses to work out or cut down on the junk. She can't even fit in most of her clothes any more, wears alot of sweatpants and t shirts. I never get on her case about her weight or even mention it unless she brings it up first because she knows it's a problem. We dont even sleep in the same bed because she now has sleep apnea and she refuses to use her breathing machine and I can't sleep with her snoring.
I sat down and thought about it and I don't think we have one common interest any more. All the things I love (working out, going out, sports, movies, etc..) she has no interest in. I still love her and the thought of splitting up breaks my heart, but I am so unhappy I don't know what to do. I don't see how couseling will be able to solve having no common interests and having two extremely different opinions on cleanliness. I seriosly don't think I can compromise on either of those things, I never thought I would have to or I wouldn't have married her.